Thoughts of you drift into my mind
Falling softly to the bottom of my heart
Like leaves to the ground in fall
Peaceful in that it stills my soul
Sorrow in knowing that our seasons
Have finally come to pass
Never again will the winter's fire
Flicker... softly reflected in the beauty
Of serene pools of sienna
Brightly shining with ardent adoration
Holding in such high regard
The Goddess you thought laid before you...
And I blame myself
For the absurdity of it all
And for never once allowing weakness
To slip silently into your view
To see me for the woman I really was
And not the deity you perceived me to be
Still, your cries haunt my core
All that's left from the charred remains
Of each memory we made
Dispersing into the night
Like ash floating up from the fire
That continues to burn within
A contest entry
- Talent Show FINAL ROUND... by poet2angels.
625 points, ended December 27, 2006, 8 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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WOW i can sadly feel this,, you have a real gift of writing about how you feel,,and letting the reader feel it,,i really like this part::The Goddess you thought laid before you...
And I blame myself
For the absurdity of it all
And for never once allowing weakness :; its like you have learnt about your self looking back,, and even taking the blame for some of it,,, who you may have wronged,,been sorry,,its real,,of the heart,,and mostly i love the ending,,
All that's left from the charred remains
Of each memory we made
Dispersing into the night
Like ash floating up from the fire
That continues to burn within,,, man u couldnt pout it better that,,, you miss some one and your sorry,,,this is one of the better writes iv read
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Prime, thanks for reading and commenting, i'm glad that you enjoyed this piece, I worked hard on it and put all of my emotion into it. Hope all is well with you love.
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You wrote this so well. It has a great flow to it and it grips you in for more. I really enjoyed this poem, thanks for sharing and Merry Christmas!
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Wow
How beautiful your words speak. This piece has great imagery and a softness to it i cant get over. I have to say this is one of your best writes and thank you so much for sharing your beautiful talent.....Michael
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Hello angel, long time no talk. I am really glad that you liked this write. I put alot of heart into making it subtle but obvious. If that makes sense. Love you.
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mesmerizing
so well thought out
it carried along well
and
i liked the imagery
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very nice!
i like this a lot... very nicely written:
"Dispersing into the night
Like ash floating up from the fire
That continues to burn within"
you have such great imagry in your writing!
xx jacke xx
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Very Nice!
Very nice poem. Very good descriptions and good use of simile and metaphor. I enjoyed the parts about the goddess and diety. Funny how we tend to put people on pedastals. Eventually, they fall down. Overall, entertaining piece of poetry. -
this feels very quiet, like a soft song whispering through my mind. its beautiful and seemingly tragic, though its hard to tell exactly what you are remembering. I like that though.. gives room for the reader to relate or be inspired. awesome write!!
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Wow! It's filled with longing and regret. Wonderfully written
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Something to be proud of.
Beautiful imagery. It was very successful in conveying what you were feeling. -
WOW!!!
This is a truly amazing write,the sorrow, the passion it's just so intoxicating. The flow and everything just makes you want to dive into it. Great Write!
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Excellent
Almost brillant
The words I chose to reflect show your gift well
I love your humility and the yearning
The Goddess you thought laid before you...
And I blame myself
For the absurdity of it all
And for never once allowing weakness
To slip silently into your view
To see me for the woman I really was
And not the deity you perceived me to be
Still, your cries haunt my core
All that's left from the charred remains
WoW
Your first Excellent from me, Rick
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Honored
Rick I am honored to have received my first excellent from you and I am really glad that you enjoyed it. I hope all is well with you and yours.
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*Lovingly true*
Sometimes in finding our strength we forget to open ourselves up enough to show that beneath the rough exterior we are indeed still human and capable of warm love. You display the regret and nostalgia of happier times in this write so poetically sincere in all its beauty. Very lovely all said and imagery conjured.
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Grim, I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. I have not written in a while so when I did decide to write again I wanted it to be awesome. Your comments mean alot, I hope all is well with you.
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Amazing
I love the imagery here. The last 2 lines were my favorite. We have all been there or soon will be. This is a wonderful expression of one of the human souls sorrow filled symphonys. Painful at times to hear but a tune stuck in our heads and felt in our hearts. Yes, love can be dangerous and lovers can be deadly to our high spirits and awaiting tongues for a love nectar just as sweet.
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Voluptuosity, i'm really glad that you liked it. I have not written much lately due to my promotion and lack of time on the job to play around. My muse grabbed hold of me yesterday and screamed for me to write this. Hope your taking care of yourself. I miss you girl.
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What have you been eating?
Whatever it is, I want some... I want to be able to write like this! You have your thoughts organized perfectly...
"...And I blame myself
For the absurdity of it all
And for never once allowing weakness
To slip silently into your view
To see me for the woman I really was..."
That was unbelievable! You rock!
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No love, you rock, thanks for the wonderful comment and for taking time to read this. Love you.
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What a sad and beautiful love poem. You have painted such a vivid picture. Excellent write, good luck in the contest
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wow. that is so good. so deep and passionate. nice job.
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this is a defferent style. Really good emotional and eep
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Amazing!
Amber, I know this is your poem. I recognize the beautiful way that you express yourself and the intensity and emotion...I know you would do this title justice!
Do you know the song "Hate Me" by Blue October?
Your poem reminds me of that song. I think that song is fantastic. I actually wrote lyrics called "Bury My Memory" and I actually liked it lol...
I loved this!!!
Lynda
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Thanks Lynda, I love the song Hate Me, I own it. It is one of my favorite songs ever written, second only to "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. If you have not heard that song yet, you must listen to it. I'm sure you would find it just as touching as Hate Me as it is a song everyone can relate to in one form or another. Thanks so much for the uplifting comment.
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shadowy and slightly mysterious, there is a slight fog around the subject of this poem. however, it casts a nice air over the mind. good work.
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Nice word usage
nice word usage, although I find the point behind the write somewhat elusive. very well put together, and nice word usage.
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