A profound breeze ruffled through the voile.
It whistled round and scattered truths,
blew the dusty, hidden memories out into the open...
and reality hit.
What does one sacrifice,
when there is everything to loose?
The breeze whispered fear through the air.
Fear of finally feeling those pearly trinkets...
...of hollow value.
Too long the perennial sorrows caused moist pillows
and the endless queries plagued the days.
'Come, profound breeze! Wash away the ache...
cast away third parties, bear my sorrows,
and reveal to me the knowledge I yearn!'
All at once the breeze subsided
and gave way to the voice of reason.
"The day has come to seal your fate, sweet child.
Relinquish your ties and settle your debts,
accept the inevitability of your situation.
And most of all...
Define your life by your desires
and not your obligations."
Author notes
I'm not sure if I've overstepped the line between poetic and lame in this piece... It's a bit experimental, and a completely different style to anything I've ever written so all comments are appreciated.
Please give me your opinion...
Comments
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Nice
I don't like it compared to some of your earlier stuff but it's still tre amazing. I liked the change in style Camlek, you sound more like the poets I studied in school. You're still my most favouritist poet (next to Mrs. Sexton of course) and I can't wait for more.
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Definitely not lame! In fact, it's great. There's nothing wrong with trying out new styles of poetry. This is deep and very thought-provoking!
Favorite lines: "What does one sacrifice,
when there is everything to loose."
and "Define your life by your desires
and not your obligations."
Good work!
From the pieces of yours that I have read, I can tell you are an exceptional poet. If you don't mind, I'm putting you on my favorites. I look forward to reading more!
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that was good stuff. especially the line "it whistled round and scattered truths". and the last lines were killer. and good advice too.
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Hmm....
The flow has possessed you, I see. What you are feeling when the words release their grip from your mind is poetry. Poetry that comes straight from the soul... Follow this feeling in future. I will study your other poems and see what could have caused this... change...
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