Always And Never Again

my dearest you

its me [[again]] and i know
that all these letters are starting
to cloud up your inbox
but i was wondering-
remember the way
you used to look at me?
eyes curious, lips straight?
could you give me that look again?
it seemed to brush off
all the dust from when you
pushed me in the dirt again.
your hugs always make
my heart swell
and i can feel the thread
that you used to s-t-i-t-c-h me back up
start to pull from the sweet tension

okay. maybe we should just
start this letter over again.
i meant to tell you
that you make me angry when you
just come and go
w-e-a-v-i-n-g through my heart traffic.
but its so hard to
embrace that heavy rage
when you say "please"
and "i need you"
even though we both know
you only need my money.
knowing the truth
is the razor blade against my wrist
and the empty empathy that you fake
just digs it down harder
[[as you lecture you seem to forget
the scars trail your wrists too]]

im off track again
i guess all i wanted to say
was i love you.
and i hope you disappear forever.

love always and never again,
me.