You
Strenth in reserve
Your life's not been heard
Your trapped amoungst critics and mayhem
What you feel in the heart
How you hide what you cart
No-one can get inside it (your heart)
A journey of thrill
You take what you kill
Then turn it into a fantasy seduction
Your tired of the game
But need someone to blame
For your weakness of verbal destruction (Liar)
A hatred that grew
In the eyes that you knew
Could it be a reflection of past ego's?
If in darkness of light
At the end of your plight
There's advantages to all that life throws (of course)
At the end of it all
When there's no-one to call
You seek acceptance in the arms of a stranger
Another projection
Of your silly protection
Of a heart that's living in danger (Manwhore)
The end!
In a list
A contest entry
- Glitches by WarrioroftheHeart.
600 points, ended December 7, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - strung out && b r o k e n more than an old cassette by PaintedParisPassion.
600 points, ended December 24, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like this as a poem, I like the rhyme pattern and the structure although the sixth line of the first stanza sticks out a bit, I couldn't offer a suggestion to fix it even if I thought it appropriate to do so so I'm just pointing out that it is a noticible break in the pattern.
An interesting poem, a little on the abstract side, got the feeling like you were telling a story and describing someone at the same time, it has a clear repeating rhythm and could well be sung as well as spoken. Perhaps speaking of a relationship problem? I'm honestly not sure due to the lack of reference in the poem (it has a slightly different sense depending on the nature of the character referred to), it was actually because I thought some of the entries might have only abstract references that I asked for just a brief explaination on the ones without direct clear reference. We don't always get the same thing out of a poem that the poet puts in. Sometimes a reader gets more than was intended, sometimes less
Please take any comments I put in in a constuctive manner, I believe these contests to be a chance for growth and as such I don't judge technical merit before the completion of the contest. I have said that I can see a reference to the topic but that it is a bit obscure and the missed rhyme in the first stanza, there is also a couple of spello's and grammar errors there too, to me this indicates that it was the hardest for you to write, but once you got it out the rest came easier.
Again it is a nice poem with good feeling, thank you for sharing it, it is greatly appreciated
Good luck
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