The rain bore no mercy to the traveler,
a downpour that filled over the rivers,
neither star nor moon in sight,
or even a hiatus in the storm,
the winds were no less a gale,
and swirled did the rain upon his face.
A chill subjugated his spine,
his hair standing upon its end,
until through the marsh had he trenched,
from whence in the forest he had seen,
a beautiful opera house, empty, it seemed!
With haste ran he t'wards the shelter,
through the colossal doors he scampered,
inside were vibrant colors of red and gold,
due to the light of the striking chandeliers,
each lit with a hundred flames,
where statues of gorgeous women and handsome men prevailed.
He dripped upon the opera house floor,
off threw his overcoat without much thought,
to see guests amble by,
dressed in luxurious cloth,
from décolleté dressed to silken midnight gowns,
hand-in-hand with their suitors in stunning tuxedos,
a pretty smile and a handsome grin,
glamorous necklaces and gaudy rings,
long-lived long and blossoming affection,
mingling and waltzing.
To the stairs his feet brought him,
ascending but a mere four flights,
to turn to see the gueests had quit,
to the opera they did go,
and followed did the dampened man.
Uponthe stage did fifty men play,
before them would voluptuous women sing,
the conductor holding his own violin
to play lead when the music gains spry,
with talent and emotion leading their strings.
The music gently caressed his ears,
and to his eye did a tear appear,
imagining he with a belle,
dancing so elegantly to the opera that echoed,
until the screeching of a violin halted his fantasy,
to open his eyes.
Renascence!
There sat no men atop the stage,
but still did the music shoddily play.
Alarmed was he by their disappearance,
so to the lobby headed he.
Yet not without an orchestra,
the colors haev fdaded to pink and yellow,
the statues chipped and crumbling,
the women and men no longer to waltz,
the candles lit no longer to dance,
the men no longer to play dulcet music,
laughter and pleasure no more.
Death could not starve their melodies,
so the people still dannce as ghosts of themselves,
perhaps the wind may play te organ,
the animals of the night take alto,
but the guests of the theatre will never leave,
to dance translucent with their spouse,
for the memories will die not,
and their love will keep the opera playing forever!
Soon did the dilapidated opera house vanish,
and returned he to the gale.
Author notes
Um............... Well?
A contest entry
- Breath of Fresh Air by Virgoan.
450 points, ended December 20, 2006, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm Throwing My Points Away! by Perhaps.
600 points, ended January 16, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please let me die i promise it wont hurt 3> by beautyamoungblades.
305 points, ended April 22, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alone.....Prewrites allowed by LoveNeverDies.
370 points, ended May 17, 2007, 93 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Ha yes...this poems elegant at first, fairy tale like and almost like a black and white movie of some really crazy love like thing. I suck at comments I just say what comes to mind and this is what came to mind as I read this...oddly one song from "dracula" from I.E. which I've been writing to all night. I'm in a weird mood.
I really like the detail in this, nothing goes without really sharp images of what your talking about, soggy floors, candles lit, the way the people react to each other, what they do, what the charactor see's feels...it's all here and nothing goes leaving the reader in bewilderment.
then there's a sense of Megadeth thrown in here...everything being destroyed and yet the music still plays, the scenery seems to do a Silent Hill affect in changing to a darker place a haunted poem indeed! "Death could not starve their melodies" really dude u should write lyrics...I'd so listen!! -
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Ironically, I was in a black metal band. I was the vocalist and drummer. www.myspace.com/orchidemperor I think that's the title. I prefer comments where the person speaks their mind. It's often fun to decipher... Y'know, despite the thousands of metal bands I listen to, I don't think I have a single Iced Earth album...
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no way a drummer? Double bass I bet eh? I will so check the band out. I haven't been on myspace in a long arse while. It's ok lol Iced Earth is alsome but some people really don't like them. Have you heard the new Ihsahn Angl yet? O man Mikeal from Opeth has a great voice...*annoying girl shrill*
he's in one song the Unhealer. Great song I'm addicted to be honest. Your my age and yet your writing like that of a professor it seems! I really do enjoy ur work...smartie pants! -
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I heard the new Ihsahn album. First one of his I've ever heard, actually. I was hooked pretty quickly, though I fear I don't like his vocals much. And yes, Unhealer is likely the best song.
I'm not THAT smart. >_> In fact, I'm a complete idiot when it comes to math, or anything other than writing, military strategy, martial arts, and video games. I guess music, too. Hm... You're 21? Nice. I'll be 22 this month, though.
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AH an Aries I see. I'm a cancer *ish suprized you haven't disemboweled me yet* lol cause we're supposed to "clash" and yet I get along with your sign very well
Yeah this would b my first time hearing anything from his soloing take. Unhealer was given to me in email and I've been hooked for days and days! WAIT UR A FUCKIN GAMER TOO???
wtf. HA I'm an ubber gamer
MGS series
FF series
been playing a bunch of old skool games like Kid Chameleon and shit like that on the sega lately actually looking online for Decap Attack...bc I miss that game 
I suck at math too...really bad XD, kinda disslecic a bit too...
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Taurus, last I checked. I always get confused about that. My birthday's on April 20th, which is first day I would be considered a Taurus, I think. So, no clashing!
Hm... games, games. I'm one for RPG and strategy games. I like plot (who would've guessed!) more than I care for most anything else. My favorite game is Xenogears. Others are FFVI, Chrono Trigger, Lufia II, Dragon Quest V, and at least 509287 others. I've recently been playing NOTHING but SNES games, even though my shiny PS2 is still sitting there with a new game in it. Sega? I have never owned one,s adly, though I do have an Atari. -
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Nice! Ha I was playing Mario the lost levels n stuff the other day too. Shoot man I got an Atari, Sega, Nintindo, Super Nintindo, DreamCast, Ps1 2 3, Xbox, game cube and pretty much all the older systems...I lack all handheld game systems though XD@@@ I like ff 7 and 8 the best...mostly 8! and no one likes that one. Chrono Trigger is kewl as shit! haven't played Lufia II.
Hmm you may be right about Tarus I'll look real quick n get back to u usually I'm good at that can't beleive I messed up. See I do all that hand reading and numberology, horoscopes Tarot u name it I probolly do it...just getting lazy I guess XD!!!
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A PS3? I hate you. Pah, being an author doesn't give you much money. I have: Atari, NES, SNES, N64, PSX, PS2, Gameboy Color, GBA, and an emulator on my computer for all the systems I don't have.
Out of the playstation FFs, I liked 8 the most, actually. 7 I thought was pretty bad, but 8 had some really good ideas.
Gimme a Tarot reading, then! I don't think it's ever been done on me before. -
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don't do that I already hate myself enuff! *emo moment* ARGH stbs it*** ok better now. I'm spoiled what can I csay? its' like weird lol someone actaully is jealous of me. Pah!
Siriously? FF8 was the best and you like it? NOONE LIKE
IT BUT ME!!! *feels outta place* ha ha. That makes you
like a game pimp now. Much respect. GBA???
will do. I'll send it to u in email bc it's gonna be fuckin long cause all readings are from my book! and I got some \
wicked cards with images that are so breathtakingly morbid. -
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Heheh. Not many peopel are jealous of me. Only of my good looks, strength, sword-skill, amazing writing abilities, .....oh, I'm not being very modest, now am I?
FFVI was the best Final Fantasy, followed by FF: Tactics. FFVIII is third. Oh, Tactics was for the Playstation. Um.... I was wrong. Tactics, then VIII! GBA = Gameboy Advance. Crappy system with some decent games.
Y'know what's morbid? All of these words: aberrant, abnormal, ailing, brooding, dark, deadly, depressed, despondent, diseased, dreadful, frightful, ghastly, ghoulish, grim, grisly, gruesome, hideous, horrid, infected, irascible, macabre, malignant, melancholy, monstrous, moody, pessimistic, saturnine, sick, somber, sullen, unhealthy, unnatural, unsound, unusual, unwholesome -
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well it's ok to have confidence is a winner. I'm so overly confident and have non of the above mentioned...Except for
some odd reason crosses like to stab me in the neck
when their made of pure brass...and the foot, and the ankle. Hmpf well doesn't that suck.
Tatic's once I understood what the hell I was supposed to do was a terrific game no lie. I just died a fuckin lot. which sucked and made me depressed and a sour kit kat.
I had a Gameboy and a PSP and hated both until now I want another PSP bc apparently you can hack into it with all the old Skool systems and get all them games on the PSP!!!
yeah and watch me write all those down and makes me a poem.............
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At least it isn't a silver bullet or a wooden stake, or you may have been killed on the spot! It's a good thing you weren't, or else I would never have met you and never would able to take your hand in ... pieces.
Kit Kats can go sour? Dude, eat the fucking candy quicker.
I know that I can hack a PSP with a butcher knife. That ocunts, right? -
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NO kit kat is my friend Katie and when she's
mean she's my sour kit kat. and now
I'm one. Nah silver is pretty to me.
it's all I wear bc I'm a person who dislikes
gold very much so. Dude if my hand broke
I couldn't be an artist anymore!
ha ha u really must hate the poor machine
that cost an arm and a leg and then brakes
so easily...wonder why? -
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You have friends? Wait, correction: You have people who can put up with you? Nice. I do, too. And gold is only cool when it's red-gold. But silver's always better. And if my hand broke, I wouldn't be able to train iaijutsu and I'd likely kill myself in the traditional manner. In such case, my hands must stay protected at all costs. ::wears steel gloves::
Any machine breaks easily unless it's made of steel. Steel's a bitch to break. -
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no more like only one true friend. My Viking. She's so damn
sexi man! OOO EEEE! ha. but my others I threw
in the dust bc of their drama bullshit
including my beloved kit kat and my
ex who said she was Bi but wasn't...
so I'm really a lone wolf I guess and that's
ok cause I don't like people. Misanthropic Kitten was my
nick name
what Hiriakari? lol jk
steel gloves would be a bit cold no?
yeah Steel is pretty damn hard...thinks
about hitting her friend in the knee with a
piece back in the day...BC He soaked me
and I had to explain to everyone that
it wasn't raining that the cook sprayed
me with the dishwater sprayer XD! -
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True friends are rare indeed. They're the ones who'll hold your victim down while you beat them with an ax. Good people. I have at least two of those.
Dude, girls should always be bi. Helps the male community get through life easier.
I love kittens! My kitten Ping An is on my lap. She'll never be misanthropic though (which reminds me of a black metal band, Misantropical Painforest). :okes you with a steel glove:: Very cold indeed.
Cooks need to see wet girls once in while too! I mean, ...... well, actually, I don't care about cooks. Capping knees is only good when it involves a cap gun. -
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hells yeah. she was willing to get a bunch
of dog shit in a bag with me and put it in
our workplaces dumpster bc they fired us
and set it all on fire so dehec would shut them down.
Well gets pen out again!
ha I bet I've had some more wicked chicks than
u could dream of *ish kinda the male in
these relationships.* ha bitches love me
as stupid men would say. Ladies love me I would say
Yeah I was a kitten once though. really was
tied up to the couch and meowed at ppl
that was at my Kitter kats.lol. cat's r
my fave my kitty's Gogi
*shivers* erg cold
yeah well he's an asshole cook
and he didn't think I'd do it. his
knees still fucked up. -
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That's sick and disturbing. Great work!
Well, I haven't had that many. Only 10 girlfriends. 2 boyfriends, though I'm not bi or gay. Just..... nice? Hm
Cats own the world; I once dreamed of a cat of mine taking over the world. And if you were a kitten, I would force you to sleep with me and I would feed you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. My kitten likes those, for some reason.
I'll warm you up dear. ::slaughters a virgin sacrifice:: Bathe in the blood, it's nice and warm.
I say you aimed too low. -
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lol tru tru. I've had five of each..
all beautiful n shit and totally I didn't
deserve em at all but I gots em
I would claw ur face HA Penut butter
and the Mariah just don't work *yuck*
jellies ok but U have to have a super
non running out of Dr. Pepper and Nerds supply. to keep
me happy that is.
lol ish warm***
nah me and him are still kewl and he's
totally into being hit hard by woman
since he dates girls that practically
send him to jail 24/7 and in the hospital
whenever he isn't in jail. -
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Most of mine were too good for me. That's why I locked them all up in my clos...wait a minute... I personally believe you deserve every one of them. So long as I'm there to watch when things get heavy.
I ain't got no Pepper or Nerds, nor could I pay for them, but I could always help you rob a bank to buy them.
Anyway, I'm probably going to try to sleep. I get so little of it anyway. Talk to you later, dear. (whatever your name is)
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this was a really great write and i can really relate to this..your words were powerful and emotional as well and flowed perfectly keep writting your very talented
~Chrissy~ -
Wow! A piece with grand detail.
Lines worth remembering:
Death could not starve their melodies,
so the people still dannce as ghosts of themselves,
perhaps the wind may play te organ,
the animals of the night take alto,
but the guests of the theatre will never leave,
to dance translucent with their spouse,
for the memories will die not,
and their love will keep the opera playing forever!
In line with the contest, the poem was able to give a narration with full grandeur. I really enjoyed the specifics tangled in this poem.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing.
---"I don't know what to say. Do read my mind."---VIRGOAN
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The potrayal of rain is vividly described. It doesnt recognise any one. The reatness of nature is it bestows equal sympathy on one and all
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HOW VISUALLY GRAND.. REVERIE, INDEED EVEN IN WANDERING SOUL FORM, BE SWEET.. COULD ALMOST INHALE THE BEAUTIFUL DILAPIDATION, SO DESCRIPTIVE.. LOVELY..
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Thanks for the comment. The "caps lock" button is on the left of the keyboard, so you know.
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AND THANK YOU, FOR THE HUMOROUSLY GLIB KEYBOARD MAP.
THE HARD SURFACE CALLED THE FLOOR, IS LOCATED BENEATH THE FOOT & CHAIR TO PUSH ONE BACK TO ACCEPTABLE DISTANCE IN ORDER TO TOLERATE CAPS IF ONE FINDS IT A HINDRANCE..
Just so you know.. AND YOU ARE STILL WELCOME FOR THE COMMENT.
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