i am thin-
stretched out and slicked back,
torn open and barely breathing.
this suffocation comes slowly,
drifting like so many “what’s wrong”s and “i love you”s.
i chew on air,
swallow and spit the bones-
tumbling through space-
pinwheel masquerades.
hooks in my back and
fingernails buried in the ground,
i strain-
folding paper towel origami
to soak up empty liquid.
stapled and screaming,
i am composed of scratched poetry,
garbage disposal dreams,
and letters thrown backwards.
i frenzy into the quiet:
black hole confetti traveling at the speed of light
Author notes
I have no idea what to think about this one
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
tHIS IS VERY UNUSUAL i THINK YOU HAVE AN EXCELLENT CHOICE OFF WORDS AND GREAT IMAGRY tHIS IS A SERIOUSLY GOOD WRITE LIRTTLEFISHONE
-
Very powerful!!
Especially:
drifting like so many “what’s wrong”s and “i love you”s.
i chew on air,
swallow and spit the bones-
tumbling through space-
pinwheel masquerades.
hooks in my back and
fingernails buried in the ground,
i strain-
folding paper towel origami
to soak up empty liquid.
Very Very Nice work! Keep at it!
-
hey,thanks for commenting on me earlier.wow!i love this.its so powerful spilling over with emotion.
drifting like so many “what’s wrong”s and “i love you”s.
i chew on air,
folding paper towel origami
to soak up empty liquid.
wow!again this is really amazing!
-
oh wow this is detailed and almost gorey in a sense. wow. it almost sounds like an internal anorexia whoa! intense! this was wonderful. I'm really not sure on what much else to say on it. great thought behind this great!
~Sorrow~
Ps: Thanks for your comment on my poem Rope's End. -
Hmm... this is interesting... I would need a lot more time to think on it to give an in-depth comment, to be honest. It's that thought-provoking to me. Keep it up... I enjoy some food for thought once in a while.
Sarah -
Argh...WOW...that was amazing...some parts were so detailed that I cringed a bit...but this was really good...I like how the message is kind of blurred and invisible to the naked eye...nicely done...I applaud!
-
Powerful emotion and great imagery. I love the lines;
"I chew on air
swallow and spit the bones-"
something intriging about these lines, just can't put my finger on it. Nicely penned!
-
I know it's been forever and a day since i've been on here but somehow i remembered to drop by. i love this, as it's really powerful..."garbage disposal dreams" really hits close to home.
I like this though. it's reminiscent of an Ani Difranco quote: "most people are just poems. we're 90% metaphor." Great job. -
I love you use of imagery in this piece. You definately have a connection with this work, and I can feel it coming through the screen and into the room. You have definately written yourself another masterpiece. Great job sweetie!!!
-
Asome!! All over!!
Especially the last two lines!! Ilove the feeling of this background as well, as it only adds to the overall mood of this poem. Possibly, one of the most dramatic written here on AP. Very original in the way you've orchestrated every expression!!
-
I really like this. The imagery really gave off the impression of just how emaciated the character is, even though you barely touched upon her actually appearance. Most people would focus merely on the physicalities of the character, where-as you focussed more on how it would feel to be THAT thin.
My favourite line especially is 'drifting like so many “what’s wrong”s and “i love you”s. I chew on air, swallow and spit the bones-' It's just such a unique way to put the point across.
This is really good, well done!
-
i'm wondering
an interesting piece of work you have penned here, i'm not sure i understand any of it, your comment sheds no clues either. i read this over a few times but don't seem to get any smarter. i thank you for sharing..rudolf -
okie dokie!!!!!! This was different!!!! Not in a bad way but just different. I don't know how to explain anyway but just different. Good job!!!!!!
-
This is a very strong poem, I really like the choice of words it lets you get very close to that person...
Hm... that is a really strong poem!
Keep writing,
BJ -
Great job. The imagery contained in this really lovely style of writing was so refreshing. I like the pattern of the stanzas. I think you did an outstanding job on this poem. Another magnificent poem to your collection. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
