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Willows

 

 

Willows by the waterside

shadows cast where fish can hide,
beautiful and slender trees,
shaken by each little breeze.

Water kissed as green leaves shake

ripples spread across the lake,
a symphony in blue and green,
please don't disturb this peaceful scene.

 

Water bugs hard to detect 

majestic swans with wings erect,
noiseless as they sail on by,
disturbed reflections of the sky.

Cotton clouds touched by the sun,
faces, shapes, in every one,
dappled light from summers glare,
a canopy for you to share.

 

Violent storms now set the stage

branches bent by natures rage,

still the willow tall and proud

bends down to drink, it's head unbowed. 

 

The scene is set now close your eyes,
lay back and dream 'neath summer skies,
a view to gladden any heart,
relax and let the healing start.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

This poem was partially re-written and I hope improved on 29/7/2008

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 46 of 46

  • feetus
    November 27, 2008

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    You have a talent for describing nature in a way that even the unimaginative can grasp image of.
    This is a beautiful piece, very deserving of it's collection of trophies! Thanks for sharing


  • james119
    August 11, 2008

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    Not much of a rhyme fan here, but this is outstanding

    Beautiful pictures painted from a pleasant pallet. I think I'll go back to spend more time under that old willow...

    Thanks for entering.


  • Peripatetic gold member
    May 28, 2008

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    I would like to be there.

    The structure of meter, rhyme and verses encapsulates each image so that the reader may stop and enjoy it for that moment. Each may stand alone, but the flow of images is very well developed with the transition natural from each to the next.


  • Dancing the Rumba
    May 27, 2008

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    This was just beautiful! The picture and the backround and the words meld together to create and extremely enjoyable experience. Thanks,
    V


  • One Angry Monkey
    May 18, 2008
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    A beautiful poem Sue, and a great last stanza. I have to agree with Mairi bheag, that particular verse caught my attention, not only for the reasons she spoke of by also for the "to" in the second line which falls on a beat and seems to trip the reader just a touch.
    None the less, a great poem.
    Thanks for the read


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 29, 2008

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    Another find today where a special shelf is needed for all the trophies! Congratulations!

    I am going to pick up a problem, for the simple reason that I have fallen foul of it myself. Take a look at this stanza:

    "Majestic swans, wings erect,
    Snowy white, hard to detect
    Movement, as they sail on by,
    Disturb reflections of the sky."

    It contains one of the two examples of enjambement which you have in the poem. When a seasoned reviewer pulled me up about using this device in a particular poem, she pointed to the fact that the reader had been lulled into expecting a pause - "seeing" a comma that wasn't there - at the end of a particular line. I'll show you the verse, for comparison:

    "The nakedness of nature hides
    Its wanton self in green
    Adornment, and the luscious tides
    Of leaf and bract are seen."

    We use the same device in exactly the same place in the stanza in question, and have both orphaned a single word on the next line. Unlike the reviewer, my own opinion is that it is the capitalisation of the first word of the next line which makes the less-attentive reader stumble.

    It just goes to show that you can write a danged fine poem but you can't cover everything.

    Oh did I mention I liked the poem. Probably I forgot, because I was so wrapped up in what I was saying.


  • Keith Drew gold member
    April 28, 2008

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    What a wonderful mind so warm comforting seasoning the smells of green unseen. Yet so affective to the senses dulled by the winter. You awaken me to breath again.
    The weeping willow inspired me too.
    But not as you. No not as you!
    http://allpoetry.com/poem/2682338


  • pantress silver member
    April 28, 2008
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    Perfect

    what more can be said

  • carole21
    April 11, 2008

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    very nice

    very nice descriptive write . . liked "Warm, soft breezes brush the land" and "Lifts your spirits, calms your soul" . . congrats on the trophies . .


  • inder silver member
    March 15, 2008

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    refreshing

    like the early morning breeze,
    this one, the heart does please
    in rhymes that sing with efortless ease!


  • tearyeyedbutterfly
    February 12, 2008
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    It's beautiful, as are the rest of your poems.
    -Tearyeyed

  • Labefaction
    February 9, 2008

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    I really like the rhyming, it makes it really smooth. I would think swans would be rather easy to detect... that was the only problem that occurred to me. There are some really good descriptions! Thanks!


  • timothyward
    January 30, 2008

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    Great job! This is a well-crafted, very enjoyable to read work of art. I especially liked the 5th stanza which spoke about the tree remaining despite all the hardships that came it's way.


  • Legend silver member
    January 29, 2008

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    The trophies awarded for this piece i think says it all.There are some wonderful observed lines within this poem

    Disturb reflections of the sky.

    Cotton clouds touched by the sun,
    Faces, shapes, in every one,

    just a couple of them. I rarely pick out lines as i tend to think that it disregards the rest of the work Far from it with this one each and every line excite the mind Excellent


  • Carpe Noctem
    January 3, 2008

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    Oh, so beautiful, and about one of my favorite trees! I loved the imagery and flow. Thanks so much for entering, and best of luck!!!


  • Michael A. de Melo
    January 3, 2008

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    Wonderful

    Another excellent piece on the beauty of a tree. In this case, the image you painted of the willow carried me back to my youth. We had a large willow in our yard and many was the time when I would play under and in the tree.

    The only flaw I saw in this write was in the first line of the fifth stanza. You start with a singular, "A warm" and then switch to a plural "soft breezes". Its a beautiful poem none the less, and I truly enjoyed it.


  • anaisnais
    November 20, 2007

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    How truly beautiful a picture you paint, quiet and restful...Good Luck in your contest entries, surely a winner several times over?

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    October 9, 2007
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    Thank you for your lovely entry, Josephine


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    September 27, 2007

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    love all this. particularly as i entered a contest on this subject..way back,,won bronze i believe,,yours is better xxp


  • Entwining Beauty
    September 15, 2007
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    very beautiful good luck


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 2, 2007
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    Beautiful

    Hardly worth going to see now!

    • cricketjeff gold member
      September 2, 2007
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      Your lovely verse deserves a rhyme
      But telephone rang at the worst time
      So I've come back to add this ditty
      About your poem that was so pretty

  • bluecollarlove
    August 19, 2007
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    LOVE IT

    This is what a poem is suppose to do and what I try to achieve.Rhythym and rhyme was excellent.


  • jennylynn
    July 14, 2007
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    A beautiful picture of a willow tree and the poem is beautiful. I like the willow tree.

  • littlemandy
    July 11, 2007
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    A beautiful picture of the willow tree. A beautiful well rhymed poem this is.


  • HugsForEveryone
    July 3, 2007

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    wow! That is really nice! I have to willow trees in my backyard, as a matter of fact, and I have to admit they ARE this graceful. Nice job with the rhyming. Great job, Keep writing!
    ~Pandy-Sama


  • Candy6
    May 12, 2007
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    beautiful

    I think this poem is so out-standing. I like willow tree. The rhyme is beautiful as well.


  • Olivias Violin
    April 30, 2007
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    very good

  • Tulip-black
    April 26, 2007

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    A+

    The willow tree means a lot to me and your poem has captured it's beauty in my imagination. I particuarly like the first 2 lines.


  • calendar girl
    April 6, 2007
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    ahh LOVE ITTT


  • Sokarjo
    February 13, 2007
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    Beautiful, beautiful! So deserving of the gold... thanks so much for entering my contest... it was so difficult to judge, with so many wonderful pieces... but I'm quite happy with yours as the gold; a wonderful tribute to my favorite tree. Thanks so much!


    • Sokarjo
      February 13, 2007
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      PS, beautiful picture as well... this piece is getting bookmarked!

  • Sokarjo
    February 11, 2007
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    This DID lift my spirits and DID calm my soul... this is so beautiful. My favorite trees in the world are Willows, and this piece certainly does them justice. It carried me away to another place... Thanks for your wonderful entry; good luck!


  • apoeticinjustice gold member
    December 17, 2006

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    a wonderful piece with beautiful imagery....it reads very well and flows along like creek water. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Well done.
    Rory


  • December 7, 2006

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    This is such a beautiful poem Auntie Sue I love the picture you have chosen for this poem. Your rhythm and rhyme flowed smoothly off the page

  • luther amy1
    December 7, 2006
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    Great imagery

    The imagery was great that you provided in this. The picture you put matched up so well and provided a soothing style. A job well done. I have written a piece using the willow myself so I agree on the topical subject greatly.

  • Chocolate Poetry
    December 6, 2006
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    Stunning

    The imagery in this piece is absolutely stunning. You painted a beautiful picture in the readers mind that came to life. Your choice of words were great and it really drew it all together with the outstanding flow. I read it twice and it was even better the second time. Keep it up!


  • Hollywoodjoe
    December 6, 2006
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    Superior!

    Beautiful write! The visuals delight the senses and calm the soul. Superior images shown in your 'word photograph'. Sounds like a place that I'd like to go and relax for awhile. That evokes nice emotions and touches your reader and THAT IS A SUCCESSFUL WRITE! Nice! Joe


  • spiralisedcat
    December 6, 2006

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    excellent

    I loved this - it takes a lot to make me feel calm in a near instant . . . yet the imaigary this conjours . . . . it makes me feel so small, insignificant to nature . . .at peace.


  • Michael555
    December 6, 2006
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    Really Good

    I liked the poem, keep up the good work!


  • masterblaster gold member
    December 6, 2006
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    Hi think you have the words ripple and make back to frount just check it. pretty poem,needs a touch of work, read through again I think you will see where, lovely feel, makeme want to be there, all the best, Di

  • Rockalongarhyme
    December 6, 2006

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    Soft, gentle, hypnotic. A dream.

    Sue, this is fantastic, it has certainly lifted my spirit and calmed my soul. The imagery and rhyme flow so perfectly together. So soft and gentle, yet so captivating....jono


  • Haunted-Memory silver member
    December 6, 2006

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    Excellent

    Sue this is a beautiful poem about the wonders of nature. The willow tree is definately one of natures most beatiful trees. you have captured its essence really well in this excellent poem. set beside the waters edge the willow really does give us a majestic scene on a hot summers day providing the cool shades one needs from the burning sun. well done again on this excellent write love Brian. xx


  • February Moon gold member
    December 6, 2006
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    Beautiful Imagery.

    I really enjoyed reading this. It was just the calming piece I was looking to read. The rhyme is beautiful, but, in my personal opinion, I do not think that behold and soul rhyme. Other than that, I really liked this piece. It is beautiful.



    Chelsea


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    December 6, 2006
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    Stunning visuals in this.

    I thought that this was absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous imagery in this piece. You brought the whole scene to life with your wonderful descriptions.

    Everything about this piece was tranquil, relaxing. At a slow pace. Beautiful and stunning piece.

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