you breathe your smoke
across the desolation
that speaks to me with tongues of flame
I am open to your fiery temper
that licks at my soul
and I burn for you in such holy glory
and martyred silences
that brook the spaces between sleep and death
where the screams become smoky promises
in tribute to your eternal graces
and mark me and scar me
with such fevour
and impassioned cravings
where saintly ardour burns intense
within me...
ignited and flaming
and I burn unrestrained
a martyr's kiss my reward from you
as you set me alight
and I breathe
in cadence to your smoky smiles
and firelit eyes
for truly I am now
forsaken...
A contest entry
- [i think i like you, but i think i like trouble too] by the chase.
600 points, ended December 26, 2006, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hmmm, punctuation? There's none here at all and it makes it a little bit too seamless, the points merge together too much and lose their shape as a result. The words were lovely though, you have a nice, seemingly natural level of vocabulary and you use it beautifully. Good job, thank you for entering.
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Hmmmm!
I think that this poem of yours was perfect for the title and contest entry and feel that you did not get the comments that you should have. I felt an interesting twinge of remorse and yet there was a feeling of elation as well. I find that your words, while sometimes seem bleak are almost the opposite depending on what mood the reader is in! You seem to find the drift of the challenge and go for it ... and for that I applaud the great effort. joy
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This is very good. There could have been more punctuation but it flows well without it. I think you grasped the title well and I thank you for entering.
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