The dark abyss
The night’s sky calling
From deep below
I feel like I’m falling
Through the sea
Where darkness looms
The sea bed
Of sailors tombs
A way out assured
The chance taken
100 years
Then lost to the kraken
A captain, mean
A crew, ravenous
Not all things are
Like their appearance
A crew, dammed
To work ‘til they die
A captain, lost
Unable to cry
Author notes
From the viewpoint of Bill Turner
A contest entry
- Films - Poems Inspired By Movies by Death of the Author.
450 points, ended December 15, 2006, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Yo Ho
This was... for lack of a better word, "cute". It reminded me of a Dr. Seuss style of writing. Not that it was necessarily childis but, simple, straight forward. There was a sense of irony as your subject was more or less semi-serious, but the form you chose to put it in is very sing-songy and light hearted, so in that way I suppose it kind of sounded like a sea shanty or drinking song. No fluff or flowery ornamental words, just straight forward, simple rhyming, gets the story across. Good job.
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Thanx a lot Good critism's always nice
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Nice job, simple and quite effective. Not sure if it entirely conveys the message of the film, but picking out the perspective from a character was a nice move
. Keep writing and good luck x
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