And if you wish, then bring me back
through shiny stars beyond this black
to garden’s sweet forbidden fruit,
to music sown in fairies flute.
To dance beyond this space and time
to songs of love and words sublime,
to kisses painted on my skin
and love beyond this mortal’s sin.
My garden’s swamped with nettles, thorns,
a freesia’s stem dead petals mourns,
what will you choose... my love?... my side?
what should I choose... your love?... my pride?
Author notes
I tried to use E. Dickinson stile.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Excellent and unique rhyme!!!
Very well done! I love this poem...and you've choosen some very unique rhymes which really strike the reader!!!
I adore: nettles/petals...
Great job...this is a real joy to read. Thank you for sharing this one with us.
Blessings! Tammy
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There is a sweet essence of love that bathes this whole poem, you have penned a magical piece with great thought and imagination...every line is written so poetically, a true pleasure to read, thank you
Love and smiles
~Lilac
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You've got some lovely imagery in this... it's well written too. A beautiful piece of poetry!
Best wishes to you in this contest... I hope that you do well.
~Melissa
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Very well done, it brings the read in deep and keeps yout o the end. A wonderful write, very deeply emotional. Nice flow, and imagery.
A pleasure to read. -
I felt as though I were deep in the woods dancing with the faeries and drinking drops of dew! Beautiful imagery and a sensational write!
Loev and luck in all you endeavor.
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Great use of imagery! The flow and ryhme were good. The meaning is specail and the tone matched perfectily. Job well done!
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love, of course
in answer to your last question, and there’s always place for freesias between nettles 
... this is just another version of heaven, with a knowledge (apple) touch, with a passion (skin) touch, and with an... eternity (time) touch. your poetry always has something dreamy about it, a lovely poem for and from a lover’s heart.
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Thank you Joe for your kind comment and answer(s), and of course thanks for applause. Dreamy? Maybe I am a dreamer, but as John Lennon said - I am not the only one.
~Sonja~
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hi my dear Sonja
Another lovely poem by you. I'm not very late, am I? Internet is messed here these days and couldn't log in AP.
Love you
Shahrzad
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You are never too late dear Princess. Thank you for your permanent support and nice comments. This poem was another challenge and I am glad if you like what pops out of my muse bag.
~Sonja~
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Creative Wording and Imagery
Creative Wording and Imagery
Creative Wording and Imagery
...How many times can I say it? Truthfully? This is a great and simple piece to follow along, though simple, it still portrays you into great, GREAT ponder.
A wonderful piece, and, obviously slipping (well not slipping, more like marching) it's way into the Preliminary Finals.
You did a great job with the challenge!
-Ryan -
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Thank you Ryan.
~Sonja~
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No problem
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Sweet
So very sweet and an excellent entry Sonja. You are always such a delight to read. Your heart always shines through your most pleasant accent. Good luck to you my good friend.
Jim
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Thank you Jim. You are always so kind. I think that I will need a lot of luck, but, I tried to do my best. Let's the best win.
~Sonja~
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SIMPLY WONDERFUL!
I like this so much
Your beautiful words remind me of the book and the movie Pride and Prejudice. Sometimes it is hard to chose and we try so hard to pick between the two.
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Thank you Kevin. You are right, sometimes it is impossible, sometimes it's much better to make all to be - poetry
~Sonja~ -
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DEAR SONJA
I have always been facinated with this. I put myself in a position to make a choice like that and wonder which way I would choose.
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Yes, true, but whatever somebody choose, nothing could be perfect. It's always some tiny line between...
~Sonja~
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Delightful
Hi Sonja. A magical write, deep with emotion. Very good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Good alliteration and word choice. Vivid descriptives. An endearing message of love. My one observation is that you have a typo in the 3rd line of your first first - forbidden. Other than that, this is a delightful piece. Shelley
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Thank you Shelley for so nice comment and kind help. I had to struggle with rules and rhyme and all other... it's funny that I don't have much more mistakes. Anyhow, this poem was a new challenge to me.
~Sonja~ -
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You're very welcome Sonja. It's a pleasure to read your poetry. Take care. Shelley
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