The crimson dawn greets Cormoranth
Forked tongue flicking fanged friends
Women bestride the mornings call
The low thrumming of the drum rends
The man whose shoulders stoop with burden
Whose death rides the wings of eagles high
Dulcimer strings strangle with discord
Carving into a reluctant sigh
Shores of colloidal white
Burnish the ether with blood wisdom
Clocking up insane mileage
On the path to inner freedom
The sane meander restlessly
In droves of coruscating light
Images off cave walls diffracted
Murmurings etched into their flight
A blizzard in the peak of summer
Drifts of snow sublimate weary chores
A barrel of sun falls on cowed heads
Black lace clothing milky whores
Restore this man to rampant ways
Fall upon your blunt sword dazed
When violet flecks euphoric days
Paint from canvas shall be erased
A contest entry
- Poets Survivor: Season 1: Top 10 by Ryno.
300 points, ended December 9, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Poems by Lj-.
300 points, ended June 10, 2007, 36 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best Ever: For REAL poets ONLY by TheLostGirl.
450 points, ended November 10, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Wow this is very stimulating I mean mentally of course it has so much to say I cant believe it. this is truly a great write one of the best I have seen on here and I cant begin to imagine where you contained the inspiration of this but nevertheless this is amazing thanks for entering
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Beautiful piece you have penned here. It was and interesting read and enjoyed it alot. You have alot of terrific images flowing from your words. Grea job.
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This is a soulful write which I've read a number of times now, just because I enjoyed the imagery and flow of the piece. Good luck in the contest, you did a great job. Kath.
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Hi, I liked this a lot , the only bitch,lol, is I did not like the fact the metre is maverick, this would lend itself well to iambic pentameter, good feel, happy Christmas, Di
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Very nice piece of poetry. You can tell a lot of thought went into this write. Great imagery. A joy to read. The title fits it right nicely.
Snappy
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great word choice, although i hate not knowing what a lot of them meant...lol
it's amazing you can read that deep into a painting and tell about it like this
>>writeon--->
merryChristmas
bombshellbetty
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You can just imagine your words in a visual display. It has a quality so light and lovely with great imagery. I enjoyed the journey into your words.
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I LOVE THIS! great aliteration, and imagry, plus the idea behind it...great. so cool, fun to read, and it made me smile.(p.x. im crazy...)
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This is a dark piece and really liked your aliterisns especially in this verse: "Forked tongue flicking fanged friends".
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really good...very poetic
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A very well written poem, along with it's word it seems to paint a picture and tells a story, absolutly beautiful the wording and feeling are very well done and imagry is just amazing. The flow is easy and nothing seems stressed, a great poem! Thank you for entering and I wish you the best of luck in this contest!
~lamia -
I didn't like it much
but that is because of my own preference to poetry and not at all to do with your ability to weave words. It was just a little too dark and macabre for my taste.
Do keep writing though, you have a talent given by God, perhaps a poem to honour Him would be an idea? Just a thought my friend. -
I love all the new backgrounds the new site has now this one is a beautiful representation of the poem, so much can be read in that one lost eye of hers. So many things that you slipped from your mind into subtle words to fold us all in the vision you live in. Who can get into your world? Who can get out? I definately need to write more, you are making my Write Drive ache with misuse thanks a lot lol. Write more soon please its yummy to my imagination.
~kar
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Interesting title, the picture you are describing to us through your words - the people, the surroundings; as well the alliteration works well here.
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Delightful!
Ah, what a wonderful poem! ^.^ full of imagery and I like the last few lines ^.^. Good luck to you in your contest! I hope you win!
*~* Mad Hatter Felix
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Hey, I am back for judging and am just letting anyone know if they missed a word. You have seemed to have missed the word 'sane'. I am going to give you a chance to fix this before i judge.
-Ryan -
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Hi Ryan
I've added the missing word (sane) to my poem.
You're more than welcome to check it out now.
Kind regards
Previn
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Great job! Sorry for you having to write it last minute, but that is the way it goes sometimes. You have come up with a great production of Art here. Bravo. There are a few twists in the flow. But one thing I found about this is the first and last stanzas, you almost expected to rhyme, or even, be a straight river they flowed so well. Great job, especially for a last minute creation. Competition is surely getting hot!
-Ryan -
I like it. I can "see" the painting from your description. Vivid imagery - I like the use of color throughout and the personification of snow and chores in stanza 5. Also the way you play with the meter, making the line pedantic, like someone plodding wearily through his/her chores. "Black lace clothing milky whores" is a great line. 3rd stanza 2nd line - the meaning is fuzzy ... and why the ? in the last line? Seems incongruous. That is all my criticism, tho. Good job.
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The title drew me to this piece,the poetry is akin to a portrait,painting imagery and emotion with words.A myriad snapshots flashed through my mind's eye.Methinks dischord may be a typo,methinks may be discord.Not a criticism dear poet,mentioning as is a contest entry.Well done,keep creating and shaping poetic thoughts,love and light,Yvette
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well written..nice imagery..i have seen the pic but can imagine it...well nothing much to say..
bets of luck for ur contest
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Well written
I think this is a very simply painted ethereal write. What i mean is you make is seem so easy. Its beautiful, the imagery isnt all fuddy and clouded and very cool to read. Thanks!
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