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Ambleside Wallow

I struggle to keep from wallowing

And fight the urge to mope

Yet I shamefully admit

My steps have a melancholy lope.

 

Today, I have walked six kilometers

Along the Ambleside sea wall

Hoping the soothing sound of the waves

Would resolve my latest fall.

 

Yet, here is where it all started

Almost two enchanted months ago

With a gorgeous sunset, and the City lights

Illuminating the tide with a radiant glow.

 

I never thought you’d be the cowardly type

Or that you would hastily scare

I regret telling you I loved you

I could have saved myself this despair.

 

You are too intimidated to let yourself love

And too insecure to take a chance

With such doubts and reservations,

How can any relationship advance?

 

It’s been nine days since you terminated us

Though, you’ve called every day this week

I am firm in my decision not to wait

And I still don’t understand what you seek.

 

Can you appreciate my reluctance?

I cannot endure another rejection

Chase me not, unless you are certain

You are prepared for love and affection.

 

Author notes

This is the first poem I have written in over two years.  Please be honest with me, as I am always looking for constructive criticism, and to improve my writing.  I am feeling a little bit rusty these days.  :)  I am having a bit of trouble with the meter, especially with the very last stanza.  I've been working on this piece for the past month now, and I am struggling a bit. 

 

Thanks for stopping by. :) 

 

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1 - 5 of 5

  • macandrew
    May 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Been a long time since I played down at Ambleside.
    A well written poem full of emotion and hope.

    John


  • melphleg gold member
    December 5, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    emotional but true to form

    I'm afraid I can't help you with meter since I suck at it myself. I do like the piece and can relate to the melancholy expressed though not the breakup since it has been far too long since I've been in a relationship.

    I think the rhyme is good. To me mope/lope is a bit force but that may only be that I'm not familiar with lope.

    To me "intimidated" makes more sense that "intimidate" but that may through off your meter.


    • Delphinidae
      December 6, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your feedback - you know it is always appreciated. A 'lope' is just a stride. I actually wrote this (or thought of this) while I was walking - head down, kicking the pebbles, and totally mopey. I had to sit down on a bench and scribble it all down before I lost the thought. I loped along, wallowing.

      PS Thanks for catching my typo.


  • Trellis
    December 5, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    This is very well done. Don't sell yourself short. I am no expert by any means, but the only thing I might suggest is taking a look at(or a listen to) the meter. There are some places where it could flow a little better I think. Try reading it out loud - or have someone else read it out loud to you and see if you can hear the places that might need a word change or a sentence shortened to balance out the meter a little better.

    Other than that, this is very well done. Rhyming poems are difficult to write but you accomplished that with ease. I am so glad you have written again. I rarely write anymore so I can relate to what you're saying. But it's obvious that you do have poetic ability - keep writing.

    Crissy

    • Delphinidae
      December 6, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your honest suggestions. I have actually been working on this one for about a month now, and I am stuck in a few places. I can hear where the meter is off, yet I can't seem to fix it and still retain it's meaning. The very last stanza has given me particular trouble. The situation that I have written about has also changed (for the better) so perhaps that is contributing to my troubles, lol.

1 - 5 of 5