Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

dance

i saw you dance,
once, twice...

it was poetry in motion,
you were everything i wanted to be;
you were perfect
my, how the tables have turned
rows of black sit and weep;
the dance progresses
none see it, we remember you
we remember your smile, your laughter;
gorgeous, innocent
beautiful, like your dance
eternal, like your memory

i saw you dance,
once, twice...

Author notes

for the lovely Robin Barhydt, in loving memory. i miss your dance

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Betty20Ann
    January 29

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    But I am a bit biased. I loved Robin...she was my daughter. Thank you. thank you thank you. I cried again. She was a beautiful dancer, spirit, and soul!

    Love Betty Ann


  • bookaddict -SYV-
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ouch. And I mean that in a good way. The intensity of the emotion and the sense of you really caring is very clear, and the repetition relaly worked.


  • honey bear
    December 12, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    very good work, i enjoyed this very good (but sad) write,thnak you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work ,you entered a contest of mine (labrynth) and so i thought i would *pop over* and read something else of yours this is a lovely tribute to one who is no longer dancing here


  • Whispering Winds
    December 4, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful poem. Its hard when you miss someone like this. And this time of year, it's even harder. I am sorry for your loss. There was one thing I wanted to point out in the line : we remember you smile... you should be your... but dont worry, I am not holding it against you.. just wanted you to know. I am the worlds worst about proof reading my own work.

    Thanks for entering my contest.
    Tammy


  • Heartbeatsxfading
    December 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This is a beautiful poem. I could envision it all happen as I read and it made sense to me, wanted to be someone who seemed so perfect to you. I also love how later on in the poem you were describing their memory as if they passed away or something. Great use of adjectives in this poem! Good job!!!

    • Saraisha
      December 4, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      eh... she did pass away. that was my memory of her funeral. -grins- thanks for the comment, i'm glad you liked it.

1 - 6 of 6