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Immaterial

 

 

 

 

 

 

This silver fruit will spoil one day;

no gentle tongue

can defend me.

 

I have emptied myself of regret;

the old garden has ceased

from memory.

Blackening stillness engulfs.

 

Grey silhouettes stir the silence.

Immortality descends to depths

where it perishes within seconds.

 

And I am faced with cold hands,

dead circuitry,

machine with a heart,

wires burnt out.

 

Or version 2:

 

This silver fruit will spoil one day;

no gentle tongue

can defend me.

 

I have emptied myself of regret;

the old garden has ceased

from memory.

 

Stillness engulfs grey silhouettes

As immortality descends to depths

where it perishes within seconds.

 

And I am faced with cold hands,

dead circuitry,

machine with a heart, wires burnt out.

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Which version do you like best?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Very good. I am amazed.

  • Very good. I am amazed.


  • apples fell
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    http://allpoetry.com/list/show/55499
    With that addition aside, this is really great writing. I was trying to think of something worth mentioning critically, but I really can't. I do think the third stanza felt not as strong as the rest, but that could be how I am reading it, and not so much an issue with your work. I just felt like the other stanza's were much more, refined. Where that one was just there for the mere connecting of it, not so much because it is completely necessary. Very good poetry, regardless. Quite excellent.

    ;


    • g r e y i s m
      August 1, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I agree now that you mention it. the third stanza seems like a grey dress among the reds. or something like that. harhar.

      anyway thanks again! I will stop by later... I MUST clean house !


      • apples fell
        August 1, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Take your time. My poetry is not
        going anywhere. "a grey dress
        among the red"- you genius.


  • lively banter
    December 17, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    This is great. Your poem intensifies the truth that nothing ever lasts. My favorite part was the last stanza. Thank you for entering.


  • Boris Plotz gold member
    December 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    beautifully electronic.
    ohmy.
    <3


  • Axelle Black
    December 5, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    I'd like to go in that bathroom stall....


  • pattyann4500
    December 4, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    You would leave such beautifully painful words on a bathroom stall? I would hope not! Your words are always so ethereal, and you do justice to any word that comes from your pen. Great piece, Lea. Hugs, Murms

    • g r e y i s m
      December 4, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      well... the contest holder said he was "looking for intellectual and thought provoking poetry that defines and rationalizes the very essence of humanity."

      so I thought it might fit

      thanks for reading and your always kind words,

      Lea

1 - 10 of 10