The wind was excitement and cooked oats.
Expectation was a big, red circle
on the calendar.
Dreams were Crayolas
scattered on the rug,
sleepless nights in a rocking chair,
lullabies and college tuitions.
Cramped fingers
ran along fairy-tale edges,
for nine short weeks,
unable to pinch its chubby cheeks.
To dilating eyes
the sky was watered down,
but I could see vultures circling.
I screamed, threw stones,
begged them to leave,
but the horizon was crumpled tissue,
bleeding.
The moon emerged
smaller than a silver dollar
with no footprints
or photographs.
We cradled it in mournful hands
all sad words
smeared in tears,
and we never knew
whether to swaddle it
in pink or blue.
Author notes
Originally published in Ink Pot Literary Journal # 7
This poem is about losing a baby, which is a devastating and life changing experience for any woman.
A contest entry
- Show Me...The Best Poem Ever Written....by you by poet2angels.
475 points, ended February 10, 2007, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Adjectives and Metaphors by h202.
500 points, ended August 7, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best poem! by jewlinz.
460 points, ended November 7, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Experience That Changed You by loveyourfate.
900 points, ended December 30, 2007, 25 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Mania for all! Give me your favorites! by Salt Therapy.
375 points, ended December 28, 2007, 80 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Complicated Lives of Women (This one is for the females) by jocelynclaire.
300 points, ended April 15, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life changing (Big points!!) by A m b r e a.
850 points, ended October 19, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 64 of 64
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Not only did you show me images within this poem, but you showed dissappointment and emotions without actually saying it. Thank you for the link to this poem.
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Danna,
Your imagery captures the extent of the heartache from miscarriage. It's the loss of a dream fulfilled - the crayons, cute clothes, college - all of it.
You breathe life and heartache into this poem.
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Thank you for this comment. I think you are the first person to put it so clearly. Yes, it was the loss of a dream, the whole life we had planned out for this child, all the plans and wishes we had for it. They all came to a screaching halt. It was my first pregnancy too, after having a hard time just concieving, which made it all the more difficult to deal with.
I did get pregnant again, though, five months later, and that baby is now learning to drive! Where did all the time go?!
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Oh my gosh, this breaks my heart. The imagery is absolutely amazing! wow...I dont even know what to say.
I can't even imagine how life changing this tradgic event can be. Well done! thank you for entering my contest and good luck! -
I am in love with this poem, I really can't say much else. Thanks for entering!
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You are most kind. Thanks again.
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This is just good poetry. Sad, as I know several women who can relate. My sister, nine times. She did end up with four boys though. Still, the loss is always there.
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I can see why this one is seen as so special, it is full of the magic that we carry in our hearts and pray that we use at the right time to have the world blossom. You should have this published by now and the world whispering praise to you for stirring the memories of a path to joy.
Love, Tom B.
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Beautifully descriptive and filled with deep melancholy. I loved this write, your metaphors are wonderful, my favorite part is
"The moon emerged
smaller than a silver dollar
with no footprints
or photographs"
Excellent work hun,
Hugs, Bunny
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the way you express the melancholy with such strong heart..this is such an amazing write, i feel its kinda unfair for other entries now... thanks for entering
i loved your write i loved, especially this para
Dreams were Crayolas
scattered on the rug,
sleepless nights in a rocking chair,
lullabies and college tuitions
well i heard this somewhere that unborn child is ia rose of paradise.. hope this helps you
regards
abuyi
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so prelevant in your adjectives to describe the greatest gift given to woman and yet such a misfortune for so many woman today. Sorry for your loss.
thanks for sharing
Tamara
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perfect
Well Danna, you must know by now that i am a fan. All i have to say is i am and will be learning from you. Is this true, did this happen to you. I have burried a 26 day old son and creamated a daughter whom i lost in my 5th month. My grief is never ending, it stalks me in every step of my life. I beg god to take away the pain but he will not, my cross to bear in life i guess.
Warmly, Chrissy
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Yes, it did happen, and it was my first pregnancy. A lot of my friends had been having fertility issues, so I was really afraid I would never get pregnant again. I did get pregnant, 5 months later, and I almost lost that one too, but I stayed flat on my back for 6 weeks, and he made it. I could not even roll over without having cramps like I was going to lose him. Even so, it took me 12 years before I coudl write about the loss of this baby. It is so overwhelming, and something that only another mother who has been through it can understand.
I am so sorry to hear about your lost children. That is even worse than what I went through
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Thanks for your entry. wonderfully original, a beautiful poem!
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very nicely written
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Guilty (Everybody's guilty)
Thanks for entering My contest, I will comment after it is over. -
Oh I do hope this was not a real expeirence =( great write and great choice of words!
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wow this is a beautifully written and achingly sad piece. great write.
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I really love the poem every part is my favorite. The one I espeshialy (spelled that wrong in 4th grade) like well everything. I get what your trying to say. It's a very sweet poem. thankyou.
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This is definetly an emotional poem, I hope it wasn't a personal experience, if so I'm sorry. But this is a great poem, I didn't even think of this aspect. Good luck and great write.
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i would like to thank you for this wonderful entry into my make me feel something contest. i am wishing you the best of luck in all your future writings and in this contest of mine as well. viyanna rosemarie
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this is amazing..I'm crying tight now it reminds me of my mothers situation long ago. your definately in the running
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interesting write, i enjoyed reading it!
thanks for entering and good luck in my contest! =) -
That's terribly sad . . . which is good, because that means it caught and held my attention. I really like this one; well written.
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Beautifully said, the imagery was strong and kept well, nicely done.
Much luck
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Beautiful yet heartbreaking
This is such an emotional and fragile piece. It was so beautifully written, each word dripping with love & loss, pure feelings of losing a precious baby in the womb. I really liked the imagery displayed, and how you described the baby as a moon. This poem brought me to tears.. & these lines were just so wonderfully expressed "Dreams were Crayolas
scattered on the rug,
sleepless nights in a rocking chair,
lullabies and college tuitions." brings tears to my eyes. The background you have fits so perfectly with this as well. Thank you for your most beautiful entry & best of luck in my contest
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This is incredible. The pain of losing a child is so great, especially when you never got to know their love or even give them a name... Portrayed your emotions very well, and had magnificent imagery. Best of luck to you in the contest.
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we tuck some of tragedies away... i read in one of your comments below that is was 12 years before you were able to write about this... i understand that...
i ditto what Muddy said... "excellence is rare"
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Sadly beautiful
And to think there are some that just flush it away. Pink or blue. I now appreciate my kids even more. Simply beautiful
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*sniff*
That was beautiful. Great write.
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my word is this beautiful, you have really done a great job on the imagery and such, nice masterpiece, keep writing
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Proundly beautiful yet sad too.
My heart swelled as I read and in the end sank heavily in my chest. Very well done.
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nice I love the endings...
This sounds like an ending to a love book.
This so softly baby's claws so soft
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This made me cry it is a beautiful write.Im sorry for your pain I know it is hard to deal with thinking of you.Congrats on the trophys they are well earned.
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Brilliant
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excellence is rare
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Wow, powerful read. I have to say worthy of a win my friend.
Best wishes...cant say it any better then Mike did...
it was awesome.
Tory
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First of all let me say this. regardless of past history concerning contests entered, or to that matter, the trophies previously collected. This piece is an excellent portrayal of the innocence of children, but also of the loss greived when they are taken from us, regardless of age or gendre.
on a personal note, we lost our first two, both mid term, and that was a very hard period of our marraige, but now we have 4 to content our emotions, and every one precious to this day.
I appreciate you entering this one, and hope others who follow, read and digest the professionalism showed before they submit their final entry.
This is going to be a tough one if they all come up to this standard. Well done.
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Oh, Danna, this started out with such beauty and hope yet ended with such heartbreak. The piece is lovely with marvelous imagery that makes the reader feel every syllable. An excellent poem. Hugs, Patricia
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i'm so sorry you had to go through such an experience.. and with the way you've described it.. i could feel it was so traumatic.. your poem actually brought tears to my eyes..
gosh, the depth to your poem, the past tense of it all, the shattered hopes, the waste dreams... damn.. it practically killed me reading all that. and with the actual explanation on the contest page, your write is so profound.. such a nightmare..
wow..
wow..
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And I am jealous of your imagery. It seems to come so easy to you, and you blow my mind all the time.
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YOU LIE!!!
lol..
this will sound too motherly but still: I'm proud of you!! Your two sons show just how blessed you are! And I'm glad you've finally got over the messed up feelings. Just let go... like the cherry blossoms.
and don't aww me! if you make the reader cry, it shows just how much emotion there exists in your poem, intended or not. and that's good! after all, a poet always wants his/her poem to be really felt. so yeah, be proud!
bless you all! -
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I don't know about porud- my oldest just hit his teens. If I can just make it through another day without killing him, I guess I am doing okay
How many kids do you have? -
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oh, i never saw this message..
oh, you'll do just fine.. my mum's gone loony trying to make me do house chores.. and my bro is lost in his own mind these days..
and rofl.. i don't have any kids!! i'm a kid myself. 18 year old lunatic from india..
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Awww, didn't mean to make you cry. It was a traumatic experience, especially since it was my first pregnancy, and we'd been trying to concieve for a long time, and a lot of women I knew at the time were having fertility problems. I was afraid I would never get pregnant again, or that if I did, I would not be able to carry to term, but I did and I did It took me 12 years to be able to write about it though. When I did get pregnant again, I almost lost both babies in the same way. I had to spend weeks flat on my back in bed, and even rolling over brought on cramping. It was scary, but I have two beautiful boys to show for it all Thank you for reading and for your empathy.
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lovely poem
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this is very impressive. i really enjoyed this. you have created a brutally sad piece here that is still wonderfully imaginative and creative. fantastic depictions of the pregnancy. i can't really pick a favorite part, every stanza is awesome. the part where the poem turns and you speak of vultures circling was really great though. the ending is also great, but so sad. excellent job here
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so beautiful
you show amazing talent in your writing. and i hope to read more.
!~good luck~! -
Amazing
This brought me to tears...especially the end:
"and we never knew
whether to swaddle it
in pink or blue."
Thank you for entering this beautiful piece and for reading my words to discover what I was looking for....
Pure emotion....which is what you brought....
Amazing piece...
Lynda
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Oh my gosh. I usually feel negligent if I don't have some form of input when I make comments, but this piece is beautiful and I would not change a single word.
"To dilating eyes
the sky was watered down,"
Reminds me of the author Stephen Crane. Throwing your eyes open and then rushing at them with water. You swerve between romantic descriptions of the beauty of life to the animalistic horrors of premature death. This is a masterpiece, and I have yet to write anything of this caliber.
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Thank you for this wonderful comment. The comparrison to Stephen Crane is one of the best compliments I have ever recieved.
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brilliant
when I read a poem like this, i am tempted to put my pen down. Amazing that is all I can say!!
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There is not much too say besides your talent blew me away. I know several women that can relate to this write. You took this subject and truly made it your own. Your form, style, everything was amazing. Trina
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p.s. The comment from the user 'My Bog' was actually from me, I think 'My Bog' forgot to sign out.
Laurelette
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Thankyou for your amazing entry.
Unfortunatly, I have been away from Allpoetry.com for a week or so and am very behind on judging this contest! I therefore beg you to understand that I cannot write a personal message on this poem.
I wish you the best of luck in my contest.
Laurelette
[message written on every poem entered and not yet commented on 12/12/06] -
My God that is sad
Its so very beautiful but in such a sad way I dont think I could bear to read it again. I can only pray this is just a poem and not a personal expereince.
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Emotive
Absolutely wonderful. Your use of metaphor is superb emboding pictures and emotions effectively. Well done. I would like to comment on use of passives 'was's and could' suggest replace with active voice; strong verb or leave out. Try it, see what you think. However, your piece stands well enough as is, as we do speak normally in passives. Just a thought.
Great work as usual. Good luck to you,
~Mary O -
A wonderful write!
I'm speechless, amazing talent shown! I love how you have ordered you paragraphs. There is not much else to say, the rest speaks for itself. Fantastic!
Laurelette -
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WOW
One line, one word could not honestly describe this emotionally charged poem. But I will try, WOW
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This has to be a winner. Beautiful composition and the metaphors are really different but appropriate. Sorry about this sad happening. A tiny life gone from your grasp. A sad but beautiful poem. Blessings, Lora
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sad~
The imagery in this poem is outstanding but the poem is so sad sweetie...I too was entranced with each line...
Best of luck in the contest...
This is definitely a winner in my book
I just posted a new haiku drop by when ya can
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Dear Danna,good use of metaphor within this poignant write of life lost before birth.Not knowing whether to swaddle memories in pink or blue indicative of the gender unknown due to the 9 week gestation.Emotions strongly felt by the reader and the sadness as dreams of what was to be are replaced instead with what came to be.How bittersweet the line no footprints or photographs,as a Mom who has suffered the grief of miscarriage I was in tune with every line but that no keepsake is left but that which is held within the heart is a truism that caused throat swallow.God bless all those gone before their time and those that are bereft as a result.Many blessings,love and light,Yvette
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Wow that is sad! Awesome write but and really well written, but sad...
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Perhaps the best responses are more than one line of praise. The best response is quite difficult when you are absolutely speechless.
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