Sunlight ballerina, dancing on the rills,
A celestial multitude of sparkling amulets,
And wistful breezes smatter kisses and thrills,
But the river persists with its secrets.
A celestial multitude of sparkling amulets,
Now and then a serried rank of furrows, two by two,
But the river persists with its secrets,
And the colours change from deepest green to blue.
Now and then a serried rank of furrows, two by two,
A kingfisher swoops at a darting, silv’ry streak
And as the colours change from deepest green to blue
Here comes a duck among the reeds with glistening beak.
A kingfisher swoops at a darting, silv’ry streak,
A ripple spreads its wake across the sheen;
Here comes a duck among the reeds with glistening beak,
Shakes its feathers to a ruff and bends to preen.
A ripple spreads its wake across the sheen,
And wistful breezes smatter kisses and thrills
An aquatic utopia that mostly goes unseen.
Sunlight, ballerina, dancing on the rills.
Author notes
This poem is written in Pantoum form.
In a traditional Pantoum:
The lines are grouped into quatrains (4-line stanzas).
The final line of the Pantoum must be the same as its first line.
A Pantoum has any number of quatrains.
Lines may be of any length.
The Pantoum has a rhyme scheme of abab in each quatrain. Thus, the lines rhyme alternately.
The Pantoum says everything twice:
For all quatrains except the first, the first line of the current quatrain repeats the second line in the preceeding quatrain; and the third line of the current quatrain repeats the fourth line of the preceeding quatrain.
In addition, for the final quatrain, its second line repeats the (so-far unrepeated) third line in the first quatrain; and its last line repeats the (so-far unrepeated) first line of the first quatrain.
Example:
1 2 3 4 - Lines in first quatrain.
2 5 4 6 - Lines in second quatrain.
5 7 6 8 - Lines in third quatrain.
7 9 8 10 - Lines in fourth quatrain.
9 3 10 1 - Lines in fifth and final quatrain.
In a list
A contest entry
- Sacred Outdoors by The Elder.
330 points, ended December 6, 2006, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~Calling all Form Poetry~*~ by CloudlessClimbs.
400 points, ended February 28, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Pantoum Challenge by Denierim.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fill an Empty Meadow by fantasysmurf.
666 points, ended September 10, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Fine details
Only a poets eye could capture all the detail of a river that nobody would usually take notice of. Perceptive and the rhyme scheme sends "The River" to exist forever. Your technical skill is excellent
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You painted a vivid picture with this one, there's no doubt about that. I could see that river before and really hoped I had my camera with me there...
While reading this, I was amazed on the fact how someone can really paint such a vivid scene that comes alive by each word. That's a talent and not many people have that talent. It was a bit of a tough read for me (thanks to my language disability) but I still enjoyed this quite a lot.
Wonderful work with this one, thanks for entering it in and granting me this beautiful picture!
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Beautiful Pantoum...
An excellent Pantoum, one of the best I have ever read...congratulations on both gold and bronze trophies, and wish you many more with it...
The first stanza was very strong and set the mood for the rest of the poem...I found it to be a nice tranquil read, Just what I needed so late through the night
I loved the title and every line, I felt like I was there watching what was going on...well done
You have been hood-winked yet again
Love and smiles
~Lilac
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WONDERFUL
Thank you so much for this beautiful tour of this river,It is early here and I feel like ive been on a early morning walk with you, shareing the beauty of all GODS gifts...Thank you so much.OH !you have been HOOD-WINKED
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A deserving winner! You have a great talent for capturing a moment in nature and reproducing it in words on the page. This is a beautiful write. Your talent is without bounds!
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Love it!
As one who sits for hours with my camera beside river and pond - you have given words to what i silently observe in absolute wonder. I love nature and wild life - what a gem you have penned here and so meant to be read aloud - dances over the tongue like a ballarina dancing o'er the rills
galfalfa
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i loved this man sorry it took so long to comment but i've been a bit busy. i only had nine entries on the last 2 days of the contest and when i come back the next day i had almost double. it screwed up my standings a little bit because all of them were so good. keep up the good work typically enjoyed this poem!
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A very well executed poem whose lines recycled in a very eco-friendly manner
It was not just the word choice that was clever in this piece your adhesion to the poetic form was total without sacrificing the effect of the poem.
Very well done. Good Luck in the competition.
Jim
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Ms. Paradox
am not sure the form name that this represents, but I can honestly say that reading your work aloud is a pleasant experience. That is the way poetry is intended to be shared and those with no rhythm and no flow, meter counted or discounted, really become a chore to read and enjoy, but those that flow off the lips and tongue as god intended, well those are the ones that stick with us.
Jim
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This is sensational, I love this and the way it tkaes me to places I can't go to right now... I love nature so you have captured it so well in this piece... congrats
Karen -
This flows well, and the 'formula'is not obvious.
Quite a challenge this 'arithmaverse.
I like it
Shenton
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Peace, harmony and summer
I particularly like this one because it lends a texture of perfection to The Swan. The scenes that often go unnoticed. This is a great piece of work. Thanks Lou
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Wah!
The visions of the lovely nature appears in my mind
As my mind flows though that giggling river
How great is your poem in such a fascinaing form
I See in you a talented poet - my sweet blessings -
With Love
Vibiesh Chungath Venugopal
:::::::::::::::::: Keep Wriing ::::::::::::::::::
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