Behind the elegant facade, there is something tragic
No one would know because she hides behind her magic
She will weave her spells of love and trust
Leaving you in the waves of her lust
No one could see the pain in her eyes
You have to look hard, you have to try
There is something hiding beyond her smile
To figure her out will be worth your while
The mystery of what has caused her pain
Whatever made her feel hurting herself was a gain
Will wow your mind, entertain your soul
Was making her pain your enjoyment a goal?
Author notes
no where near done just wanted it put down to wrk on daily
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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sometimes life's mistakes we see echo throughout time yet tear a heart...
but in those paths somehow it makes us stronger as we go on!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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I thought it was well on its way to being a good poem, obviously you admire this person, that shows through a lot. It made me think of people i know who are strong and hide their pain well.
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Almost forgot to clap for you. How rude of me? Pardon thy my lady... Here are some well deserved points. *clapping* WHOO!
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wow- wonderful M ! It really is a good poem and you should be proud of this. I don't know why but I like the first two lines the most. Exquisite! The flow is very good. Since this poem is your "focus"- I would like to suggest two things.
Second stanza first two lines could perhaps be improved further.
Third stanza- first two lines...
I would just like to say don't sacrifice content for flow. Needless to say, this is an excellent poem and the suggests are extremely minor. I love this!
BTW
WHERE ARE YOU?
Love,
AtiVan -
It's a good start, I can't wait to see what the rest of it will be. Keep me posted. The rhyming isn't forced which is an achievement in itself. I like the way the lines flow and the way that the poem progresses. It doesn't seem rushed. Wonderful job. I like the start, can't wait for the middle and am anxiously awaiting the end.
-Lillian
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Brilliant piece
BRILLIANT WRITING. I LOVE THE DEEP EMOTION IN THIS. I LOVE THE RHYME AND THE REALL FEELING BEHIND IT. YOU HAVE TALENT, KEEP WRITING.
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Oh wow, why is this so heartwrenching, why can't you just speak the pain . This was a terrible riveting poem which i really luffled...alot. mmm so wonderfully delicious!
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well done
this is really good, it catches your emaginative side. you should be proud of this, well done!
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Love it already
Yes you have to want to 'see' to figure out what someones hiding behind the smile. Most people don't.......
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Are we having chicken for Brunch?
You look cute in that picture my beauty. Well, this poem is very good- I can tell a little effort went into this. It is an enjoyable read and makes the reader wonder. Wonderful! I suggest t hat you make the point of the poem more clear- wanting to conjure up curiosity. It is a little dispersed (diluted) and I think you should fine tune it even more. What I mean by this- try to use as little pointless words as possible- it makes the poem more powerful. "You have to look hard, you have to try." ... an example of replacement line, "A pleasant affect- evasive to those deep eyes." You see, such a line would show more emotion- more thought- and it is just a clumsy example. I think you get my point. On the second stanza eyes and try does not rhyme.
Well, despite my criticism I love- love this poem. You show progress as you write- continuing to improve. Great poem!
keep writing. M-T-B
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Great so far. Keep working on it! I can't wait to read the final version.
Josh
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Lines that I love in this poem...
plus the images are very fine and remind me of a failed love relationship.
Really like the "waves of her lust". 
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