Lost world of demise
millions of children dying
so few truly care
Author notes
Written in 5-7-5 haiku
Some of my thoughts about reality.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Panorama by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 30, 2008, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Mania 2 by Celticmoon.
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
In this one it is if your first and second line nearly repeat themselves.
In such a short piece of poetry to repeat yourself is not something you want to do.
Perhaps you could change this to be more powerful by doing something like:
Millions
of children die,
so few care;
a world
is lost.
Thank you for entering!
Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
-
I know how you mean, this world can be so cruel sometimes.
-
Lost tribes
Do you know how many villages and tribles I think of when I read this. Not to mention the homeless children Living in the sewers of Romania. If you can call that Living. All the families living in the garbage dumps of Mexico. The abused children of the inner-city. The homeless children of Mongolia. The aids children of the Congo. The tribal children of India. The list just doesn't end does it. I wish I could list each name of every child that starved to death today. If I knew their names, Their lives should be remembered and Honored in some way.
The deaths of the rest must be prevented!
-
9
yeha no kidding
al this is and whaqt is to become is the mass suicide of the way we raise and the way we fall
what is now is what was not then
we chose to falsely lead
for that we are diseased
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