A tear on her face
She stands alone in the cold
This child should not die
Author notes
This is written in 5-7-5 Haiku.
This piece is not meant to be poetically beautiful. It is meant to be cold, hard truth.
I wrote this about the homeless children in the world who live on the streets and in the sewers.
Yes, children live in sewers. Actually, thousands of them do. Many of them die every day and many more face the elements, abuse, and starvation.
The truth is, not many really care that they live in sewers or care what happens to them.
Hopefully this write will give you a little image of reality, because that's what it is to me.
A contest entry
- Make Me Sad by hey charlie.
470 points, ended February 20, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Panorama by xxRainbowDawnxx.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Mania 2 by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended April 7, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was really touching.. You have such strong emotion in this but it's a sad one.. I believe that later one maybe... if you want that is... you could make this a great write.. I think that you are just breaking the ice with this piece.. But though short it is strong.. Great write..
Jetleena
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This I feel is nice but could be much stronger
You have many words in here that really need not be there.
For example I would change this to more like the following:
Tear stained face
bitten by the cold
as a child dies
That above is just a suggestion
as to how I would work this piece.
Thank you for entering!
Best of Luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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This is truly upsetting I know because I don't believe anyone youngs life should be taken, they have so much left to give.
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...WOW. I was caught completely off guard when I read this. There aren't any pretty phrases to dilute the meaning of your poem. Good job. It takes a poetic genius to make three lines so powerful.
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No, she should not die today. The church should not let her dis. Her family should not let her die. Her nation should not let her die. Humanity should not let her die.
In reality, she will probably die. That makes me very angry.
Good poem. You have stirred me up to the extreem!
Thanks!
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