Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
 

Song of the Animist (hybridanelle #21)

 

The rocks are breathing. Rivers also breathe,
clear up the canyons to the glaciered peaks,
caressed on either side by whispering leaves.
From molten ores to flashing thunderheads
to fields of glowing gases joined with dust,
all the universe is fused with breath.

From lakeside pebbles ground through centuries
to mesas looming black against the dusk,
the rocks are breathing. Rivers also breathe,
inhaling rains into their liquid lungs,
exhaling mists that turn within the light
to fields of glowing gases joined with dust.

The sands are breathing. Branches also breathe
amid the play of feathers claws and beaks,
caressed on either side by whispering leaves
that tremble twist and sway against the sky
like dancers twirling over sheets of ice,
exhaling mists that turn within the light.

Jutting from the depths of plains and seas,
or crumbling to the steady boom of breakers,
the rocks are breathing. Rivers also breathe
in moonlit meditation through the night,
slight reflections wimpling in the dark
like dancers twirling over sheets of ice.

Our dreams are breathing. Stillness also breathes
in quiet contemplation like an oak
caressed on either side by whispering leaves
as moments dissipate beyond the stars
to visions shining from the distant past,
slight reflections wimpling in the dark.

Throughout the crust where granite forces seethe
and drips of water ripple cavern lakes,
the rocks are breathing. Rivers also breathe,
caressed on either side by whispering leaves
across the living contours of the land.
From molten ores to flashing thunderheads
to visions shining from the distant past,
all the universe is fused with breath.

 

 

Author notes

to learn more about the hybridanelle: http://allpoetry.com/Column/1086828

In a list

Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Evolet
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Greatness!

    Again.. I love the title (sounds very Paganic, and I'm a Pagan mysef so I loved it!) and this poem's got some of my favourite things as well like light, oak etc.

    I love this: "exhaling mists that turn within the light
    to fields of glowing gases joined with dust."

    Wow. Just wow. Absolutely beautiful. Breath-taking imagery & words. I now recognise your style better. You use a lot of repetition - it's a good trick! And it pulls you in!

    As I read it I had images in my mind of the ancient times.. like stone age or something.. Because the choice of the words in this poem just takes you back in time!

    Blessings,
    ~Moonchild

    . Rewarded 8


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    jealous and in awe

    opposite of GW Bush's shock & awe, I just find myself in
    jealousy and awe! lauhging..that was "breathing" imagery.
    It has a hidden message in it too, because we both know
    that we just don't breathe enough..some of us...like
    me always inhaling, finding it too busy or too emotional
    to exhale as if I'll fall apart if I do unlike my
    dad who revells in staying busy 24 hours a day with purpose, who walks around simply exhaling, not taking the
    time to look around him and enjoy something simple,
    like, wow..what a view!
    Thankyou for your great imagery,and the poetry lesson
    too!
    ears2hearyou

    . Rewarded 8


  • Jobob
    August 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an intriguing piece of work. There's a real richness to the vocabulary and the symbolism which seems to work very well, and frankly I love the underlying image of life beating in everything and everywhere. As I read I got the feeling of an enormous pulse holding me and enveloping me until I was almost overwhelmed by life.

    I'd point out that the plural of "gas" is "gases", rather than "gasses". Apart from that, I'd only say that the piece still needs some refining. Much as I liked it, I would enjoy it more if the images could be pared back and made more precise, strenghtening the cumulative image. And I also have to admit that I don't know what "wimpling" means -- hang on while I google it... Yeah, google knows, so you're off the hook for that one!

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      ah, i can't believe i didn't catch "gasses". grrr....

      i'm glad you liked this poem, jobob. animism is a difficult thing to portray, in any of its senses.

  • crimsetssorrow
    June 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    On the third stanza I would say that the river's breath inhales the rain, exalting mists that turn to fields of glowing gasses.
    Again with branches also breathe, it is a stylistic thing that I really don't like. Seethe? is that needed... Otherwise good rea

  • ibsons hysops
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oVERALL there is a completeness about this that is kind of rare and very well said! i don't know about any redundancy anywhere in breathe, it's what we do 24/7... so I am not sure where that poet was going with that advice, but anyway, excellent write

  • ScratchedAt
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I noticed atleast one person didn't like the "Breathe" part.. but I felt like it was definatly a good part that made the poem have some of it's appeal.

    I hope this isn't taken as an insult.. but it reminded me of (I'm not comparing it, I'm just saying what popped into my head) Pocohantas.. the disney movie... with all the descriptions of nature and the life inside of it. I enjoyed.

    • Zahhar gold member
      May 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      not insulting at all. i can see how you're coming by such connections.

  • A Murderous Lament
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's a good poem but I don't like the redundant "breathe". Great write.

    A Murderous FREAKING Lament! <\33

  • Peteskid gold member
    May 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    a difficult form factor here

    the form factor alone warrants much praise and so it is given, much skill in expression and choices of words evident here within the complicated form factor. My challenge was the jump from pebbles, stones earth features to the universe and the breathing. If such big steps why does the rest seem to inch along... perhaps just me... Overall this is a small marvel od dedication to the form, so very well done...PK

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      May 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      structured poems can be challenging to work with, especially when line refrains are part of the form itself, and the hybridanelle has two independent weaves of refrains.

      what's interesting to me is discovering the content that does and doesn't work with a given form. in the case of this poem, it doesn't. but, i've also come across content that does, for instance in "Anima Cantus" or "The Dimming".

      Either way it's a challenge, and a learning process. one i've come to find enjoyable and worthwhile to pursue.

  • i-will-let-you-be
    February 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this, especially the sense of personification you gave to the earth's entities. Thanks for a geat poem.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Heropsychodreamer
    January 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing piece of writing in my opinion. The form is really interesting, and I don't completely understand it because I was too lazy to read the full explanation of hybridanelles, but it seems like the perfect form to express what you were writing about.

    I like the continuous references to how everything breathes, a simple but perfect way of associating life with everything in nature, and the words you chose expressed a lot of imagery, and it reads flawlessly.

    . Rewarded 4


  • gasolinequeen
    January 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it seemed kind of sufjan stevens-ish to me. very very well done. I really enjoyed reading this because it painted a picture in my mind. At first I wasn't sure if I liked the line " rockars are breathing, rivers also breathe" because it seemed kind of choppy, but after it repeats it starts having a nice flow. again, great job. I loved it ^_

    • Zahhar gold member
      January 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      sufjan stevens--i just looked into him a bit. i'll see if i can't find some of his songs to look at. thanks for the heads up. glad you enjoyed this poem.

  • Elfin silver member
    January 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Applause

    As always Erin, another exceptional piece of poetry, Each word you write in this piece breathes itself, making the reader feel part of the whole universe. Your work has a way of making one feel fulfilled and proud somehow, but I can't put into words what I mean. You are the best my friend at least in my eyes. I hope the new year brings you more joy than last year. Val.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Keith
    January 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is just what I needed to read, in a World doom-laden with prophecies of Global warming, strife etc. etc. The form of the poem is unimportant to me, it is the expression of the words that appeals. The World is a beautiful place, and there is need to remind ourselves of that now and again. Doubtless the planet changes, doubtless the universe does also, but pure praise of the experience of life and growth must always have its place in existence. Well Done

    . Rewarded 4


  • PainfulPleasures
    December 31, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Wicked.

    I love how you made everything sound so alive. It has a wonderful flow, and it gives great visuals. At first glance, one would think you were talking about the scenery on a hiking trip or something, but when actually read, the thoughts appear to be much more deep. Very awesome.

  • marc creamore
    December 18, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Very mystical . . . ethereal, both in its mood and in your beautifully crafted metaphoric language. I shall return to read more of your work in the future . . .

  • sidewinder silver member
    December 17, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    spirits inhabit all things...
    but one has to have an open mind to sense them.
    if one does they show one wisdom.
    well done my friend!
    Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
    Bill


  • Hekate gold member
    December 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    deep

    Ooooooo you know what ?? I think you should publish and make a book out of the form poetry this is all so beautiful and stunning !!!!
    I read it a couple of times! Nature is a wonderful thing to put in poems..it really makes it stand aglow..
    Lovely background

    Kamala
  • Molassis gold member
    December 17, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    I have no clue what a Hybridanelle is... but I found this captivating as I have the others from you I have read... it's clear that you take your time... creating each masterpiece...

    I am enjoying reading you... this is deep and I have found that your pieces cannot be read quickly... it's almost as if each word has to be digested before one can continue on reading... I have to take my time for if I don't I will miss something that you are saying...

    Once again, you have filled this up with wonderful images, very clever is each and every line, each building upon the one above it... the repeated line [the rocks are breathing. Rivers also breathe,] only adds to this piece...

    Your phrasing and use of imagery/wording is absolutely breath-taking! I found this exciting actually... well done!!

    ~Melissa

  • heinzs silver member
    December 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    :-)


  • black kitten22
    December 8, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    perfect

    very atmospheric write, full of wonder, its very muscular but delicate at the same time, flows wonderfully, i can almost hear the rocks and rivers breathing, you gave nature deep breath with this poem and made it come alive, its very peaceful and hippyish
    you transformed words into lushcious images, great piece of poetry, this is very well constructed.
    you know id be interested to see you write a really dark violent piece or a bit of erotica

    . Rewarded 4


  • SuZyCuE
    December 5, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Well after reading this a few times, and consulting my trusty dictionary to find out what the devil an aminist is (I had a good idea but wanted to check lol) I love this, I love how you have made the entire universe come alive, Its hard to believe that there is not some force behind all the beautiful wonders in the world, and in this poem you have explored the spiritualality(probably should of consulted my dictionary for that one lol) of all the universe, from the warm soft breezes that rustle the leaves, the raging rivers, to the darnkness of night. This is actualy awsome. It sings such a beautiful tune that makes you feel at peace with everything around you, I guess that would explain your title Since Ive known you on here you have opened my eyes to many things I would of normaly not even thought about, and for that I thank you, your poems are a constant learning expierence for me.

    Suzanne

    . Rewarded 4


  • Forbidden Image
    December 4, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    you are a very talented writer. it took me a long time to read this, and even twice, but after reading the thoughts are clearly read. great write.


  • brown paper bag
    December 3, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Loved it

    You have again written a complex poem but made it read in a simplified manner.The subject is something I ponder often.I love the imagery and though I'm not educated in form poetry this was full of beautifully crafted words.
    I have no idea how long it takes you to write each piece but I can definately see that each poem is penned with care and precision.
    Each stanza stands on it's own.I like the repetition of certain words especially breathe.I use that word a lot in my poetry.
    A lovely poem to finish my night on AP.Thanks again for your comment on my latest.It was appreciated.
    ~Helen

    . Rewarded 4


  • December 2, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    dream of the Dervish (what goes here?)

    It has the feel of Sufi poetry. It reminded me of the words of Avatar Meher Baba and Hazrat Pir-O-Murshid Inayat Khan. Inwardly, it brought a calmness and reassurance that all is well because all is one. The gentleness of breath moving the oak and the stone. It is more mystical than animistic to me.

    . Rewarded 4

    • Kay Laon Anders
      December 2, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Pardon Right-winged Thought

      Explain the difference please between "mystical" and "animistic" please and thank you...

      KAY
  • Kay Laon Anders
    December 2, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    I get it...I really do

    I read this out loud to my mother and she just stared at me and left the room but for once I get it...lol...without having to look for help....it is like the cycle of life in your mind...everything is connected and suggesting each others existence....awesomeness dude-man...lol...absolute originality in a common thought....

    KAY

    . Rewarded 4

1 - 30 of 30