The light of candle softly plays
destroyed by reality.
A mortal soul emerges from your body
burned with the dragon's fire.
Your blood
painted into the dried poppy.
Flowers gone
floating down the incandescent river with no return.
In a list
A contest entry
- Red by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended November 25, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Lovely! Thanks for entering this.
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There is true poetry in these words, and that is most beautiful to read.
The ending is very emotional and seems almost hopeless. I like the way you've depicted strong feelings such as sadness by painting pictures with your words. I love the phrase "destroyed by reality." Thanks for entering!
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Thank you.
~Sonja~
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Wow... after reading a poem like this, it is no wonder you have quite a few trophies to show off on your page. This is astounding by all degrees! Your poetry has spoken depths of emotions and imagery in just a few words and lines. Wonderful job! Thanks for sharing
--Tim
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Thank you Tim.
~Sonja~
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Hmmm...
what do u expect me to say? lemme guess...it was quite good? nah! Bad? hmm...no...better...canna be...best? certainly
I think I read a short write from you last week too, that was also beautiful just like this one...seems as if you also kidnapped a talent of shortening your sights and thoughts down to a paper
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I would like to know where from I kidnapped a talent? lol You will have to ask my muse. Sometimes pictures and verses came from same secret place. Sometimes from the heart. I am glad that you like it. And what do you expect me to say? ..Try to shine as alway The Pole Star...
~Sonja~
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OOOhhhhhh! Well done!
Great job penning this one for the contest!
Good luck...this is an EXCELLENT entry. You did a wonderful job writing this.
You have a creative and unique approach to the color (red) you have painted with masterful strokes of artistry.
Blessings! Tammy -
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Thank you Tammy.
~Sonja~
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Lovely
Your blood
painted into the dried poppy.
Flowers gone
floating down the incandescent river with no return.
Excellent imagery! Well done!
xxoo
dk
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Thank you dk.
~Sonja~
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Sonja, you put so much emotion into this write. I know it probably wasn't easy but your did a wonderful job my friend!! GBY
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Thank you dear SilverButterfly. Sometimes it's much better to pour out our feelings to set them free from the cage of pain. I am glad that you like my poetic effort to do that.
~Sonja~
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I can see a deeper meaning to this impressive poem...I'm not sure if it is personal to you or not because you haven't said, but this makes me think of when someone dies, at that very point of death, when their spirit leaves from their body...could the dragons fire be from Satan himself?...I might be wrong on that though lol...
I like that you have used the poppy in this piece...in my country the poppy stands for the bloodshed of soldiers in battle...they died in the poppy fields, the flowers soaked up the spilled blood and the streams ran red for days on end...
This is a poignant piece and really made me think...I might be way off from your thoughts as there are many intepretations that could be gotten from this, and this is my interpretation...Such a lot I felt from so few lines but you don't need to write and write to tell, because you have shown here...a great entry I would think and I wish you luck in the contest...
Love and smiles
~Lilac
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Unfortunately, it's true...
Dear Lilac, my dear friend's dad passed away after a very long period of illness. Today will be his funeral. No, dragon's fire isn't Satan. It is death. That was a reason to use this metaphors. I used poppies from the same reason you mentioned to me because we are all soldiers on our own battlefields. In my country we have the same belief for poppies. We all have our own poppy there. Thanks for your deep review, wise conclusions and good wishes.
~Sonja~
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oh, and i applaude you
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This was a sad piece. I may be wrong, but i read this as though someone died. How we light candles when someone dies, and although watching the flame could be beautitful and serene, the meaning behind it is so morbid and sad. I think it's interesting that you've used red for this image and idea because i don't think i would have thought to or been able too. your imagery and vocabulary and so wonderful, and this wasa really well done piece.
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Thank you dear UnderThereSomewhere for your comment and precious time to read my poetry.
You are the first who pointed in the middle - someone died. Red is not always a colour of joy. You have a great posibility for deep insight of my poetry. My poetry, mostly, is not my diary but sometimes, somebody like you can recognize the other side of reality - a part of true life within my words. Mostly it is not easy to walk along the tiny edge between imagination and reality.
~Sonja~
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I have this vision of floating candles and flowers drifting away to symbolize what is left behind... I love it when poetry speaks so clearly to me.
very nice job dear
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You are right speakingup4kids, always something or somebody is left behind. When flowers' gone, river still will be here, always waiting for more. I am glad that you like my poetic expression.
~Sonja~
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such a saddness I recived this was very touching for me great writing lots of emotions and the imagery is great allaround a grand of a read...
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Thank you blondone. I am always touched with your comments on my site. I would like to have much more time to read all my dear friends poetry, and much more from this site. I hope that sprintime will give me back some freedom to do that.
~Sonja~
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Hmmm...
This reminded me of the oriental cultures that send paper boats out with candles lit in them down the river. It's almost like a prayer, last rites. Had an interesting feel and I liked the red poppies painted with blood. Good work.
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Yes, you are right, this work is related to oriental culture and customs. I red a lot about many different clture customs and some of them impressed me very much. All other was my muse interpretation and with a special reason to put it on the paper.
~Sonja~
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A true treasure!
Short and concise. Reminds me this quote - One is nearer God's heart in a garden than anywhere else in the world. A lot of emotions to ponder in your poem. Love and blessings xx
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Thank you gaerielle. It loos like you peep into the box of my muse. I am glad that you like this work.
~Sonja~
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Hi Sonja. Heartfelt. Very nice imagery, flow and tone. Vivid descriptives. Deep expression of emotion. Very good word choice which paints a strong picture of pain and sadness. A well crafted piece. Shelley
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Thank you dear Shelley. It's always hard to put on the paper something meaningful with only few lines. Rules said - short, and here we are.
~Sonja~ -
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You're very welcome Sonja. The pleasure is mine. Shelley
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hi my dear Sonja
I'm here as promised.
Who has hurt you? Just let me know and I'll give him/her a good lesson. Sometimes people can hurt us unknowingly. Don't mind that and SMILE please.
Wish you more happy days.
Shahrzad
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Thank you dear Shahrzad. Your friendship and lovely support are always the best for me. You know that I am always going ahead with smile. That makes my friend to be happy to and the other will be confused because they never will know what's the real truth. All other is poetry.
~Sonja~
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sweetness plays on one's soul
Peach kisses softly please
as love sweetens the breeze
her soul incandescent and hot
yes, this is the woman I sought
her nickname is lil Peaches
love & caring- she teaches
to me she is of holy fraternity
I shall love her for all eternity
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It's hard to say more things after your comment - nice and tender verses.
~Sonja~
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SIMPLY WONDERFUL!
I know that sometimes as we have hurt and sorrow come to us and we lose our beauty and faith little by little and we watch it slowly drift away, we still try our best to keep some of it and not let it go.
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Sometimes peope are ready to hurt us with no purpose and particular intention. Things happens, come and go. I am enough strong to recognize them. Faith? Maybe. We are all building our own walls to protect us, keeping some doors open. Thank you for always being my attentive reader.
~Sonja~
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