Waves on the beach,
an obsidian sky;
Crashing, crashing, crashing,
the cacophany never dies.
Furious conflict,
the land batters the sea-
A perfect correllation
for your feud with me.
So since I have cheated,
I stand on Grief's Rock.
So here I stand waiting,
for the final tick tock.
I hurl myself over,
and surrender a final cry
I'm sorry, so sorry, that I am not justi-
Author notes
I bent the rules of the contest... Sorry if you don't think this works. If you need me to change it, just send me an IM.
(Inspired by photo at top of contest screen)
A contest entry
- Power II by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended December 9, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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To feel you stand alone and know that it is your own fault, the "Why did I do that!?" Introspection and regret sharply written. A very nice reminder of why I like your writing so much. Good stuff. Write on!
Baldy -
Even though the word "so" is slightly over used in this piece - it's full of raw emotion - hey did you cheat by using half of the word?
If you did, get up on that rock
Seriously though...a bravo on this one!
galfalfa
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unique
Very unique. Loved the ending. MY GOODNESS, you made the reader come alive at that point. My only suggestion (which I try to make if even the smallest something rubs me the wrong way) is I don't really like your use of "so" in the beginning of both stanzas. Maybe in the second stanza you use it as the first word you could change the word to "It's" But that really is all I could find, for I loved the rest of the poem, but like your little bio says, I often give constructive criticism. It's never meant in a bad way, for I give it to poems I enjoy! Good job!
PoeticThunder* -
Interestingly done...
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Other than breaking two rules in the contest
I enjoyed this write very much... I have never cheated on someone, but I have been the person someone has cheated with, so my relation to this poem is somewhat warped, but I definitely see how you pulled this from the picture..
I think the sea beating the shore, is a great metaphor for so many things in life.. I have never used it, but I've read many poems in which it is used, and I usually enjoy them..
Good penning and best wishes in the contest!
Blessings,
Shirley -
I really liked this, especially the ending.
There was some powerful imagery in your words. Really exquisite, this gave the reader a strong sense of emotion. Nice work.
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i quite enjoy the wording
and the illiteration -
You did a good work with the alliterations,lines are crisp.'The cracking,creaking,crashing of my heart shorn in two...'
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Such raw emotion
I am so stunned by the power in just one word.
This is such a descriptive piece. Wow! I feel like I narrowly missed the falling rocks hanging on the cliff. Just to fall down a bottomless pit. How can you express such strong feelings. Bravo!!
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