Here you go again,
Starting up with you old devilish ways,
Making her miserable,
Making all of us unhappy,
Sometimes I just don’t know why,
You have to be the way you are,
“That’s the way I am”, you once shouted at me,
My heart sank; I never forgot that day
I’m not a womanizer,
I’m not a gambler,
I’m not an abuser,
I’m not a drunked,
All these things you say to us,
Justifying yourself whenever we had our arguments,
Yes I applaud those things,
I am thankful you’re not all of those,
But yet inside me I silently cry,
Knowing that you can be better,
But it sometimes it seems like you don’t bother
Hear me when I say this:
“You have everything a man can want”
Don’t believe me?
Lets take a look and see:
A kind God,
Who despite your accusations toward Him,
Has blessed you with a good stable income,
Has given you a good family,
Has given you a comfortable home,
A good and steady job,
That provides you more than enough income,
That provides you a comfortable life,
That gives you enough time for your family
A wonderful wife,
Who toiled day and night to bring up good children,
Who supported you when you were at your darkest hours,
Who stood by you when people offended you,
Who still chose to be with you despite everything you did to her
3 wonderful children,
Whom growing up gave you lots of smiles and laughter,
Whom have grown up to be good gentlemen,
Whom still chose to accept you despite your harsh words to them,
Whom have come up and are doing well in life,
Whom are grateful that you are not an addict of any sort
But yet, despite all these blessings,
You still continue on with your wicked ways,
Harsh words have become your routine habits,
Mood swings have become your norm.
One day you will be smiling, the next day a pout,
When we ask “What happened?”
All we get is a snap or a bark,
Does your wife deserve this?
Do your children deserve this?
Do you not know as the head of the family,
It is your duty to maintain the peace at home?
Did you not know, everything starts up from the top?
But it seems like, every root cause,
Of unhappiness is caused by you
Of anger is caused by you,
Of upsets is caused by you,
Of bitterness is cause by you,
Yes I blame you for all this,
Because you are the one that is responsible,
As a father, you should know how to look after your family,
But it seems to me,
You don’t even know how to look after own yourself
You don’t seem to realize,
That when you go out of your mind, you affect everyone,
And yet you don’t open up, you don’t talk about it,
But you make everyone’s life a living hell
Oh how selfish you can be sometimes!!!
Like the 4 seasons, so are you,
One minute you’re joking around,
The next minute you’re awfully quiet,
One minute you’re smiling,
The next minute you’re fighting,
Seasons change for many reasons,
But I just don’t understand your particular seasons,
Neither can I justify your actions,
I was often told about your wicked ways,
Long before I was even born,
But I didn’t know much, and I didn’t care,
Growing up, I chose to see the goodness of you,
“Thank you lord for my father”, I would pray.
But as a young man now,
Having seen the world,
Having seen different people,
The more I see your ways,
The more I come to understand,
Why she just loathed you sometimes,
Why she just couldn’t stand you,
And I don’t blame her,
Who could live with such a person?
Cruel and harsh one minute,
Smiling and gentle the next,
How could anyone even survive?
Yes I am distant from you,
We are all distant from you,
I’m sure you feel that way sometimes,
Wondering why we all go to her,
Instead of you,
But that’s the way you were to us,
No doubt you kept food on the table,
You bought us our clothes,
You gave us pocket money,
You helped us financially
But let me just tell you bluntly,
Those things don’t earn a child’s affection,
“As you sow, so you reap”, the bible says,
And You never did sow properly
After dinner, you would rush off and sleep,
Rather than having a family conversation,
Providing guidance like a real father was never in you,
You never of knew the difficulties I faced in school,
Let alone console me when I was in my lowest moment,
So tell me how do you expect me to love you?
How do you expect me to treat you now?
How do you expect me to show you affection?
When I never even got it from you?
How do you expect me to be understanding toward you?
When you never showed me how?
But I’m glad for 2 things,
One is that I am no longer dependent of you,
You can keep all your money,
And just stop with your unkind words,
That same God has blessed me with a good job,
And I don’t need you anymore
Two is that you have taught me,
How necessary it is to be a loving person,
How necessary it is to talk to one another,
How necessary it is to spend time with your children,
How necessary it is to appreciate your family
But most importantly,
How not to be like you
Maybe you will not agree with everything I have said,
Maybe you have your personal reasons,
But whatever it is, I do not care anymore
Because I know in a while’s time,
It will be summer and you will be yourself again,
And this whole thing won’t matter,
But like the winter, people know when it’s coming,
And people dread when it comes.
Author notes
Some are blessed with great fathers, some aren't...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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holy crap
Dude
Now I understand about your dad more than I ever did before.
There's an interesting Irish play called: "Playboy of the Western World" by Synge which you ought to dig about fathers and their songs. It was a very contraversal play when it came out because of its nature & its presence during Irish revolution. Largely it is about the relationship between a father and his song complete with Irish speaking and mannerisms (learn to talk like the characters in that play and you'll really be Irish ).
Cmae across this book in Dilworth's Irish Literature course -- the whole time the father is very much like the one you describe -- his favourite title for his son, "Squinting idiot" -- don't want to give too much away, but the just is that the son runs away to another town and starts a tale that he killed his father which eventually makes him a hero by fame and so on -- very interesting
The point: Dilworth oncre stated, "Children are better off not having fathers who are in some form bullies than to have fathers."
I never debated him on this, but have always kind of disagreed. I mean, as not having my father present for most of my life I felt the effects. I've never totally been convinced of the value in a father's absence. It may seem odd, but sometimes I sincerely wish I had a father that beat me and was there than nothing. Sure, me and mum did all right, but there's something about presence that matters. . . Just having some guy in the house, I don't know, you know? Does that make any sense?
So I guess in part I'm saying, well you had some presence going on, so at least you had something dude. Sigh, I don't know if that makes it really better though, I mean I know -- I get that a dad that covers the costs of living is one thing, and a father that has warmth and feeling to him is another.
You must have some fawned memory of him showing love though, right? Don't let his nature get you down -- remember those good times -- cheirsh them dude.
I guess in some respect you're closer to me than I realized: my greatest fear has always been becoming my father. That is, to divorce and to leave and ignore the existence of a previous wife and child and start a new family, knowing full well where they have lived for the past 14 years -- never callling/mailing. And worse. . . to commit adultery, which I believe might have been the case as i met my stepmother first. I remember him stopping by her place with me, and I'm not sure but I think my mum might of even found out about her from me. . . me and mum don't get into the details, but, well you get the idea -- either way it doesn't make things better.
You on the other hand seem to fear becoming your father as well, but because he lacks compassion and love.
I don't think you have to worry about that. I see much of your mother's nature in you.
I see her love of God in you.
I see her warmth of friendship in you.
I see her warmth in you -- like when you're telling me about your little niece you held in India.
The way you handled your TAships -- going out of your way many times to mentor to your kids -- those students like young children your reared and taught life lessons, if even in the setting of university.
I also saw how you treated the ladies you crushed on and you always tried to show love and respect and that's what you do 7 that's why fam and friends love you.
You just remember to keep those aspects of your nature which are of God. Which are of kindness and your mother. You'll be fine man. you're children will probably look funny, but that's life *pat pat and one will probably be some sort of clown and make jokes and pull fast ones on people, but that's life. Hopefully only one will be like you in that case j/k
Seriously, yea you better get married or have a kid or something. . . before death, no pressure. . . Hurry up
by the buy. . . yea, did I tell you my cousin tina that had a wedding there last year I think it was -- her mother and her husband's mother set them up. Now my mum is getting ideas. i mean just bec. my aunt can do that don't mean she can lah!!!!! :/ Ahh!
I thought this sort of thing only happened in Indian families :'(
n e way life goes on.
Later writes,
James
PS. much applause and what a heart pour. Props to ya balls on dishing it out. -
holy crap
Dude
Now I understand about your dad more than I ever did before.
There's an interesting Irish play called: "Playboy of the Western World" by Synge which you ought to dig about fathers and their songs. It was a very contraversal play when it came out because of its nature & its presence during Irish revolution. Largely it is about the relationship between a father and his song complete with Irish speaking and mannerisms (learn to talk like the characters in that play and you'll really be Irish
).
Cmae across this book in Dilworth's Irish Literature course -- the whole time the father is very much like the one you describe -- his favourite title for his son, "Squinting idiot" -- don't want to give too much away, but the just is that the son runs away to another town and starts a tale that he killed his father which eventually makes him a hero by fame and so on -- very interesting
The point: Dilworth oncre stated, "Children are better off not having fathers who are in some form bullies than to have fathers."
I never debated him on this, but have always kind of disagreed. I mean, as not having my father present for most of my life I felt the effects. I've never totally been convinced of the value in a father's absence. It may seem odd, but sometimes I sincerely wish I had a father that beat me and was there than nothing. Sure, me and mum did all right, but there's something about presence that matters. . . Just having some guy in the house, I don't know, you know? Does that make any sense?
So I guess in part I'm saying, well you had some presence going on, so at least you had something dude.
Sigh, I don't know if that makes it really better though, I mean I know -- I get that a dad that covers the costs of living is one thing, and a father that has warmth and feeling to him is another.
You must have some fawned memory of him showing love though, right? Don't let his nature get you down -- remember those good times -- cheirsh them dude.
I guess in some respect you're closer to me than I realized: my greatest fear has always been becoming my father. That is, to divorce and to leave and ignore the existence of a previous wife and child and start a new family, knowing full well where they have lived for the past 14 years -- never callling/mailing. And worse. . . to commit adultery, which I believe might have been the case as i met my stepmother first. I remember him stopping by her place with me, and I'm not sure but I think my mum might of even found out about her from me. . . me and mum don't get into the details, but, well you get the idea -- either way it doesn't make things better.
You on the other hand seem to fear becoming your father as well, but because he lacks compassion and love.
I don't think you have to worry about that. I see much of your mother's nature in you.
I see her love of God in you.
I see her warmth of friendship in you.
I see her warmth in you -- like when you're telling me about your little niece you held in India.
The way you handled your TAships -- going out of your way many times to mentor to your kids -- those students like young children your reared and taught life lessons, if even in the setting of university.
I also saw how you treated the ladies you crushed on and you always tried to show love and respect and that's what you do 7 that's why fam and friends love you.
You just remember to keep those aspects of your nature which are of God. Which are of kindness and your mother. You'll be fine man. you're children will probably look funny, but that's life *pat pat
and one will probably be some sort of clown and make jokes and pull fast ones on people, but that's life. Hopefully only one will be like you in that case j/k
Seriously, yea you better get married or have a kid or something. . . before death, no pressure. . . Hurry up
by the buy. . . yea, did I tell you my cousin tina that had a wedding there last year I think it was -- her mother and her husband's mother set them up. Now my mum is getting ideas. i mean just bec. my aunt can do that don't mean she can lah!!!!! :/ Ahh!
I thought this sort of thing only happened in Indian families :'(
n e way life goes on.
Later writes,
James
PS. much applause and what a heart pour. Props to ya balls on dishing it out.
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