Paper scrapes from the past
the blury ink brings clarity
the words resound in a memory
echoes of feelings long ago faded
emotional puzzles of pain
pieced together through poetry
feelings flooded unto a page
that couldnt be trapped within a soul
childlike words from a childish hand
convey burdens to heavy for a child to bear
that tore at a fragile spirit
and tore apart a fragile heart
long forgotten but always remembered
folded papers hidden inside a box
when read they make the numbness tingle
so they remain the friends of dust.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Lots of feeling here
Wow. I know I haven't been on in a while, looks like you haven't been either, but this last one is a wealth of emotion. I think that KK's right on some points as far as cleaning this up, but this piece is so piercing emotionally that I wouldn't try to change too much. Bravo.
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Pleasantly cryptic
I like the contrast of emotionality in the first twelve lines to the sense of sterility given by the last four. I appreciated the use of syntax to convey a childlike stance, but it needs to be stronger. That, or you just misspelled a couple of words, in which case they need fixing. There are very nice examples of repetition and alliteration that make for an interesting read, but it could still use work. The poetic devices are well-used, but do not serve to unify the theme.
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