Although he was tired,
hid rays of warmth caressed the world.
Gentle rays of sun embraced your skin,
his promise of never falling below the horizon.
Today his smile is in your good graces,
and lurks apon the earth.
While the world was supressed in misty showers
of brilliant white snows.
We all became snow bunnies.
A red giant in his return
his lovely yellow rays faded away.
and we new we should run.
Unless I grabed the stars,
to paint the ground with foot holes,
maybe to sink to the core of the earth,
rather than freeze in my own inhumanity.
The big red giant calloused me
burning my gentle flesh.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I'm not sure if I got the whole theme of the piece last time, but I (think) I do now and I can appreciate even more then I did before. I can't pick out a favorite part because in a work like this, you cant let anything really stand out or you lose the message and feel. Going on to read some more, Madison.
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quoting you;
'Unless we grab the stars,
As we paint the ground with foot holes,
As if to sink to the core of the earth,
rather than freeze in your own inhumanity,
The big red giant callous' you obdurately, burning your gentle flesh'...
much enjoyed the lovely write...
thank you forsharing it with me and all of your friends... -
This was a deep .................
and thought provoking piece of poetry!!!! I love your vocabulary usage here, but our imagery was just brilliant!!! I found myself transported to a world of white and I traveled with your imagery and words throughout the entire poem!!!! You did an imoeccable job on this piece and it left me in complete wonderment!!!Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece with me today, it has left we with a lot to ponder upon!!!~~Toni~~
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excellent
full of emotions, great job dear and thanks so much for reading my work, I really do appreciate it!1
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Deep
This is so deep and full of emotion. I enjoy it so much. Keep writing.
I haven't heard from you in a while, I hope all is well with you. I miss you. I hope to read more of your work. You are so talented. I hope you will join me at the first of the year after the holidays. I am starting some contest. Some for the group and some for my faviortes. I will send you the link. I hope to hear from you soon. Miss you. God bless you my dear friend. I hope these holidays will be the best and blessed by God.
Tabitha
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Wonderful
Hi my sweet friend.Hey,I think is very,very good.I love the reference to the sun going down and leaving us with the promise of the forlorn absense.That exact statement has happened to me on more than one occation.It brought to me a wonderful memory.When I was in high school,I was so in love with this girl whom I doubt even new I was alive.In the winter when the days would get short,I would go to bed and dream of her.There was always something in my heart that made winter so hard for me.I think it was because I knew I couldn't see her till the next day,and I would cry myself to sleep every night.The ref to "freezing in our own inhumanity",that says more than you can imagine.So many of us have a tendancy to do exactly that.I love this write,it is deep beyond my words of expression.I love it,and I love you.Just me,Don.
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oh. my. gawd. You have no idea how much i love this!!!! It's sooooo amazing and the imagry basically left me breathless. I'm not even joking. favorite part:
Unless we grab the stars,
As we paint the ground with foot holes,
As if to sink to the core of the earth,
This is quite honestly the best you've ever done. Every line touches your heart to the core. Melissa, my dear, All you've ever written ever before seems entirely inferior compared to this and i can't wait to read your next poem to see if it's as good as this. If this is what you do when you're sick, then i hope you come down w/ something horrible
lol jk. C U tomorrow or not if you're writing another masterpiece...
Madison
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WOW
wow chica.. awesome .. seriously brilliant..
great write.
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