Pain my muse, and darkness my friend,
Looking for a way to make my sorrow end.
Feeling like I'm lost in an agonizing abyss,
Everything you ever gave me I now miss.
Lying, pondering, here with you,
I just wish you could feel the way I do.
Without your love my life is confined to a hollow box,
Nothing more than a broken paradox.
I thought that you weren't the type of person to obscure,
My unbreakable undeniable rapture.
But I now know that wasn't true,
Because the love failed between us two.
Tasting your bittersweet absoluteness,
Put me into an infinite happiness.
Though we still seek for it's restless manifestation,
Only you could do this much annihilation.
Now laying here filled with disgust,
I cannot give up though I know I must.
Life is but a dream, lonely drifting,
Moving like tides, always shifting.
But only he could bring so much devastation,
Leaving my heart, my body, and my soul fragile.
A contest entry
- Please convince me(this contest is now closed (8 entries) by cherche -d -ame.
625 points, ended December 3, 2006, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest #1 by Winter-Raven.
700 points, ended December 13, 2006, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need an AP Family and I have 3 great OPTIONS 4 U!!!!!!! by Desiree-Valdez.
1150 points, ended May 23, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GO for the Gold~ 2nd Chance ~ Sorry Closing earlier then planned~ by Florida Sunshine.
800 points, ended May 30, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Hmm that last lines where the best. A very overused topic; so it is hard to get into it; but good form, actually, and some nice flowing spots. Still; the emotion seems bulky with unneeded words too. Oblivion and abyss; never seem to work well in poems. Nice job overall though. Thanks for the entry.
Ryan -
amazingly satisfying to my taste
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Nothing really grabbed me in this piece. I did like the detail.
Line three:
"im" should be "I'm"
Line five:
"Laying" should be "Lying"
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very good imagery i can really feel this poem..with love there comes pain...great job! thank you for entering good luck!
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This has a terrific write~ Nice job!!!! Thanks so much for entering my 2nd chance contest!
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You have grammar issues in apostrophes. The piece is a tad long. I stopped reading halfway through. I liked the beginning; the pace was good, the rhyming wasn't bad but then it just became repetitious and killed it for me.
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Interesting imagery. However, that really sucks that you're letting someone treat you like that. No one's worth it. Good luck.
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hi i thought this was good liked the imagery you have used my favorite line is in stanza one line three so many can relate to that good luck and thanks for entering
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very well
you have put your emotions into a great poem.
thank you for entering my contest. and good luck -
the rhythm was really awesome in this write, im impressed and it was very deep. I love deep. good job and thanks for entering
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Thanks for entering and good luck.
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please don't give your author name.
Beautifully written, great rhyme scheme.
"Pain my muse, and darkness my friend,"
Beautiful.
Good write and good luck
shinE* -
This is a really good poem. It has so much emotion, and I also really like how you made it rhyme. Thank you for this good entry into my contest.
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This poem does a great job conveying a sense of despair and pain. The rhymes are for the most part well chose, but there are some places where flow could be improved. Overall a very descriptive write filled with emotion. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Really nice.
Oh, wow. I truly love this poem. It has so much meaning, and strong emotion in it. Nice. My favourite lines are:
"
Laying, pondering, here with you,
I just wish you could feel the way I do.
Without your love my life is confined to a hollow box.
Nothing more than a broken paradox."
Once again, excellent job. And good luck in my contest, plus thanks for entering!
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Check your spelling, I caught a couple errors here (devastation, infinite, restless). Overall, the piece depicts your fragile state well. thanks for entering
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Well done on such a brilliant poem. It really drags you into the darkness and has lots of atmosphere. Very well written with a beautiful choice of words. Well done, and thankyou for entering this entricing poem into my contest. I will be judging soon
xxx -
Very nice poem.. I really like it. -mariah
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Omg....
Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg! This is a great poem! Where'd you get the idea for this poem? And it's all ryhming~! Incredible! Great poem and thanks so much for entering my contest! Keep up the great work and good luck!
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Sad
Very touching poem I can feel the sadness the devastion of a love lost. This poem was good the rhyming was immaculate very powerful words you used here. Thankyou for sharing.
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wow this is a verry touching pome and i would just like to say grate job keep writeing and good luck
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"Without your love my life is confined to a hollow box.
Nothing more than a broken paradox."
These 2 lines are my favortie lines of them all. The rhyming doesn't sound forced at all to me. Keep up the killer work, take care, and keep on writing! Good luck in my contest and thank you for entering
~Princess of Shadows~ -
the imagery is very good and your words were amazing.
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*touching*
"Though we still seek for it's wrestless manifestation,
Only you could do this much annihilation."
Such words as those really lept from the page and I relived the haunting memories from a lost love of my past. You conveyed the horror of lost love very vividly here. Honest ans from the heart as this piece was it definitly deserves my applause. Good work here.
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i like it. very pretty. good luck in the contest
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I just read your entry into my contest. May I ask you to please notify me as to how to understand it , because in spite of trying very hard , I can not see where there is anything that would have to do with this contest. Maybe you meant to enter it into a different one and this was an oversight?
reenie
PS This is the last of the five whose identity I know
arlingsweets14
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