Sat under the streetlight
On an abandoned road
Crushing dying embers
Beneath black leather boots
Warm and liquid salt
Creating tracks
On freezing skin
Waiting in the rain
Of equals cold and hot
I linger on the problems
Of everything I'm not
Frozen in the headlights
Wishing time would stop...
A contest entry
- Pain, Without Love. by La Tua Cantante.
425 points, ended April 13, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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"Of equals cold and hot"
Did you mean "Of equal hot and cold"?
Other than that, I like this. A tragic little slice of life.
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This is very well written, and you used words that make the reader visualize. A truely wonderful poem you have written. Good Luck in my contest.
-La Tua. -
Wow really deep
i like how you are able to make the reader visualise it well
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Good Alex. Seriously, thanks.
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Very good! Sad, but captivating. This is really impressive.
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lovely poem. to the point and not too much emotion. just an emptiness.
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I love the image this poem creates! The flow is wonderful also. The only thing that I did not absolutely love about this piece is the ellipsis at the end and I wondered if you could tell me why it is there.
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NICE PIECE
I like this. I too have crushed dying red embers with my black leather boots while feeling warm tears leave tracks, but you said it flawlessly. Great job.
DF 40
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Sat under the streetlight
On an abandoned road
Crushing dying embers
Beneath black leather boots
that entire line gave me goose bumps and it is so beautiful like beond words well writtten well done ...
i love the tital it is so decrtptive and moving it dreaw mw to the poem autimaticly its really really amazeing
and i love how you said that you wish that time would stop
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Everyone, myself included, wish time would stop, even just that one time, that we may fix the problems of the world that none but us seem to see or feel. Even the problems with ourselves we wish to just have one of those easy buttons that we may become what others wish we were. I've been in this place you've described, and I've found that cardboard box to put over my head and run for shelter, and become the person that I want to be instead of the one that everyone else wants.
A very well written piece, one that I am envious of. My writing spirit has whithered away and now I try to even come up with a word to express what I mean and fail miserably. I applaud your wonderful writing skills and wish you the best of luck in the future.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D
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Wow... weird. I don't know what it is about this piece, but it was great.
The ending was really good.
Throughout the whole poem, I could kinda feel myself there, subconsciously...
I <3 it. Keep writing.
Noise&&Kisses
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Hmm this is incredibly well written, I'm surprised, I wasn't sure if I'd like it from the title, but you turned a semi over-used topic and turned it into something really amazing. I don't really know what I'm saying right now, I haven't slept in almost 24 hours lol, but I am concious enough to say I love this poem. Good job!
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Great job!
I really loved how at the end the rhyming made it seem it was speeding up, kind of like the thump of a nervous heart. It was flawless! -
good
this is short but very good and to the point. Nice work! -
jolly good
have a coment -
good!!
wow .. nice! Good!
I saw you commented my piece humanity on aug 21 (shame shame) and thought I'd reply once! Goodd!! Have nothing to say ><
Keep your pen employed,
Omichi
(btw: I'd love to be your buddy..
Or maybe you want to join my AP family)
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sure i'll be in your ap family. checking your new work now. over and out.
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