Shrouded, and overtaken,
misty and occult,
where sanity's forsaken,
and no trace of footsteps,
except mine, except mine...
A breathless cloud of fog,
an empty rollercoaster,
a lost carol (in a darkly silenced park),
an image hanging poster,
soaked in red
None to be seen,
I searched so much,
my mind's a mess,
where have you been !!
I've missed you much
These feelings that beat inside,
tearing me apart,
taking me down,
(I had you, I lost you),
scattered dreams and wishes,(shattered),
and now I'm scared,
so scared of this..
(NO.....no...
must get away,
must get you back,
must hide,
have to escape this hell,
let go of me,
RUN.....run...)
The mist is growing,
darkness overflowing,
where's my soul,
(where's my home)
Growls and moans,
moans and growls,
screaming agony, and restless cries,
shot through the atmosphere,
(i'm not alone in here)
Singing !!
singing they march..
through the invisible layers of the murk,
a song about dreams,
about loneliness
about weary fearful nights,
(A song about me !!)
Sing on my eyes then,
an eternity's rythme,
vapoured within crystal empty drops
reflecting the mask,
of an undead past
The rollercoster moves
as tears roll down my cheeks,
and ghastly lights appear,
the hollow houses spin,
(in an eerie crazy dance),
stained in blood and fear
Where have you gone,
please...Ohh please,
save me , forgive me
I never meant to be here,
I never meant to be me
Lost inside myself,
lost to the world,
thriving on the surface of the forgotten,
an outcast of my own,
an outcast to my own
A constant hum is rising,
cryptic shrills,
unspoken whispers,
resonating within
the deepest voids of the unknown
This haunted town
this projectile of dark fantasies,
hurling alarms amid this nowhere,
and on the tips of the propelled broken glass,
where once the smile has took her dance,
a sad gloomy, foul essence takes shape
A monstrosity
the weeping face of a monstrosity...
The madness never stops,
a black-white nightmare of ashes and burnt particles
drowning reality
flooding logic
resurfacing nothing,
but lunacy..
(Could this all be the remnants,
of a very bad dream...)
A big outpost sign,
stands erect in the silence,
defying air
casting out a morbid mockery
to the emptiness of this confinement
(Welcome to the town of silent Hill)
it says
R.D (copyright) 10-21-2006
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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The atmosphere of daunting weirdness is caught quite well. The reflections of the emotions such a setting inevitably causes, equally skillful. I hear linger in the back of my mind Angels Thanatos - a creative musical take on the monotony of destruction. The layout of this page is as dark as the nature of its subject, creating a mindset persuading to venture even deeper into obscurity. But even in dark despair a minute shimmer of hope can change the course of matters. Creativity has it built in. Thank you for creating and sharing. I enjoyed being on this page to read and ponder. Take care.
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Thanks for a beautifull critique
It surely shows how much of a quality writer you are, my fellow poet friend,
thanks a million.
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beautiful
I may be really young , but old enough to tell that this is a wonderful poem Mr
.. I really loved it and my favourite part was when you said. I never meant to be me.
This line has so much meaning and hidden explanation that strikes the reader(me)..
I really like the theme of the poem, and the real atmosphere you've created thats almost impossible to not live in while reading it.
It has a smooth, flowing rhym thats enjoyable,
I knw such poems usually have an open ending,a bit confusing.! but I would want to know what happens after he enters that place. LOL maybe you could make a part 2?? lOl. jst a request from one of your fans!, hehee..
I jst wanted to say its amazing and i loved it,.. shows how cruel the world cn b !!!!
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Judy C. Meeker
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chillingto the bone.
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fabulous
i really liked each single word in it....and especially the idea of the mist and the stuff...
good job...wana hear more from you
sherry
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Thank you
for the kind comment,
be well,
RD.
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Hey Raven . . . yes I could hear the music, it was all over this piece, even before I read your author's notes . . . Keep on keepin' on brother, I sense there is much more to come from your quickly awakening pen
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Lol
Thank you my friend, I will surely keep on writing, as long as you keep on commenting..LOL.
Be very well,
RD.
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Uhmmm Interesting.
you are good aren't you.
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Pleasured to see you maƔm..
Always a pleasure to hear your kind words ma'am..
I wouldn't consider myself that good untill I get too many too good feedbacks from people telling me that I am..
I am learning from the past mistakes..
Thanks again Lady Ireland..(Howdie...hehe),
Raven Dark. -
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whoever thoguht you a show off are just jealous my friend. you have got it so why not flaunt it? your poetry that is.. and you are pretty too. lol.
You do have an unique form to your writting and this can frighten others, don't read their shit block it. negitivity blocks postivity. Keep the pen poised. Slán dolores. -
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Totally agreed
And you are a very wonderful person ma'am, I am beyond words of happiness to have known you..
I will take your advice, for it smells of truth..
Thank you,
Raven Dark.
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I love your use of repeat in the first two stanzas. I love (I had you , I lost you) in parenthesis...beautiful subtext. and again (Where's my soul, where's my home.) oh, "i never meant to be here, I never meant to be me." Beautiful writing... the subject matter through me off a bit, I'd like to see what you could do in a different tone.
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Thank you
Indeed, I intended to but those between brackets as to hopefuly get the reader inside the poem,(and inside the mind of the wondering narrator who's lost in the murky asylums of Silent Hill),not just on the surface of seeing the horrors of silent hill, I wasn't sure I succeded though until I read your feedback.
I have wrote in too many subjects, unfortunately dark themes have me afflicted
Thanks so much for your comment,
Raven Dark.
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-marvelous-
I usually tell people to be rather careful of too many adjectives within one poem, and at certain points of this, I would say the same thing, however overall I loved this.
I also enjoyed the length... This is definitely a masterpiece, you should be very proud of this work.
Shirley
(oh yea, I feel you should now, I didn't download anything, but I made my own conclusions through this, and was highly satisfied at the quality of this writing) -
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Honoured
To have you commenting here,
and yes you are right, at certain points the intersection between the wonderer's thoughts and the wanderer's observations of horror made it quite blurry and weak at parts..
I don't know if I should be proud of this or not, for I have not written too mnay free verses, and I am surely surprised that other poets as you, have enjoyed a lenghtly poem, at the time of which I could never enjoy such thing.
The one thing that makes me proud though was your objective insight, thanks a million.
(Though I am very concerned that you didn't hear the music, well must say It's my fault as well, you can only notice when the poem is on my author page, I don't know how to get past this, I want everyone to download it then read the poem, but I certainly fail to alarm the readers to such requests in a feature box)
Thank you again, dear poet,
Always a pleasure to hear from you.
Raven Dark.
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This is fantastic
I love this piece. I was inthralled all the way through
Ever line took a little more of my breath away. very very good.
Please keep Writing
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Thank you dear poet, I'm so glad you liked it.
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And by the way
I wouldn't consider my poem better than yours at all..
The fact that your poem had me soaring in inspiration, proves that as well..
Raven Dark. -
Very nicely done! Much better than my poem...grrr
It reminds me of Silent Hill 2...despite the music being from SH1...it was a wonderful poem, great language...not to keen on the brackets, but that is personal taste only, and oddly enough it his added to the creepy quality of Silent Hill. You did a much better job at this than I ever did...wonderful!
Menecairiel
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Thanks a million for hearing the music..
I am not good with free verses, but I am always trying to explore, Free verse gives an ample space that form poetry wouldn't provide, thus creating the ability to pour your mind out on paper without any hesitation..
As regards the poem, you're right, it has many parts that would take your mind to the 2nd episode of the game, (the rollercoster for example)..
But I have (hopefuly), attempted to add and mix every experience I had from every Silent Hill game I played + the marevellous movie of course...(and the comics as well).
I was concentrating on the subjects one wouldn't normally see in Silent Hill thrillers, for example..
What would make a father look for his obviously gone child in a ghastly place like that....what would make a daughter go all through the way to avenging her dad..
do they not fear !!...what makes them strong...what inner thoughts do they have while they roam the forsaken territory of white nightmares..was it love they had in thier hearts..(yes love can be in horror movies too), the epic battle between good and evil, hope and fear, sadness and light..
Silent hill to me, is an eerie sad atmosphere, rather than a horror best seller..
Hope I made sense, and Thanks a million for downloading, and hearing that soudtrack, it's one of my favourites..
Be well,
Raven Dark.
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