i feel your heart beat...
with a rhthmic pulse as i lay my head on your chest...
as close as you are...i think you could be closer...
maybe in me...more than touching...
like puzzle pieces...we were made for this...
just one beat at a time...
hearts racing...heavy breathing...
you have complete control...
and yet...you try to make me happy...
we're past love...
we've entered unknown territory...
but don't stop now...
make me scream...
keep going ...
keep pushing...
#explosions *fireworks...
oh...
we come to a stop...
i'm a little dizzy...
everything seems to spin...
what i feel for you cant be discribed...
can't be duplicated...
you smile that perfect smile...
oh yes...this is more than love...
Author notes
on a whim...i write what i felt...though not a real incident...i FEEL this when i'm with that one person...
A contest entry
- EROTICA CONTEST - UNDER 18 ONLY by risewiththesmoke.
669 points, ended November 1, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I don't like the over use of "...", the "#explosions *fireworks" or that the "I"s aren't capitalised - and you need to proofread for spelling (discribed/described) - because otherwise this is quite a beautiful, edgy write.
Although, there's something not quite real about it - more like how one thinks sex will be before the fact, more than a reflection on the experience. Or something.
Still, a good write.
=> Jess -
I like this poem, good write.
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awwwwww very good
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This is an interesting write, you do describe the situation well, however the spelling mistakes take away from the piece. I do like your choice for structure though, follows the thought pattern well and is easy to follow.
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yeah... great job capturing these feelings
thanks for entering
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"I feel your heart beat...as close as your are... I think you could be closer..." I know that feeling I feel it all the time ...I Love the feeling but then i want more out of it and then i dont know what to do because i cant get any closer but im close... its like damn...why cant we just be one... ya know... i like the explosions but i see the stars ... i can so relate to this poem and you know with who..LOve ya chic
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