You affected my life more than you ever could know
There is no limit to the gratitude I could show
I used to lock my emotions deep inside
In these poems are where they now reside
You always saw straight through my desguise
I thank you every day for being so wise
By lies my life once was ruled
From the beginning you couldn't be fooled
When everyone else ignored the facts
You stepped up unafraid to act
I may have hid the change you made
Really by you my life was saved
You came at a time I needed someone strong
You wondered simply what was wrong
I turned and ran away at first
It didn't take long for my bubble to burst
Thank you so much for all you've done
When it comes to my heroes, you are number one
I'll remember you until my end
You are a terrific teacher gaurdian and friend
Author notes
Written for my 8th grade English teacher who is by far the most amazing woman I have ever met. I respect her so much and even owe her my life.
Written on September 15, 2006.
A contest entry
- Rounds contest (first round) by star wars fanatic.
450 points, ended April 22, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Everyone else just ignored the facts
You stepped up unafraid to act
This sounds fine, but the meaning may be a tad more clear if you added either when to the first line or but before the second line.
When it comes to people I respect, you are number one
This line is kind of awkward. Consider revising?
I really did like this. It's sweet and sincere and the overall flow is pretty good. Nice job on this write. *finalist*
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cute!
Thats so cute and thoughtful! love it!
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Aww this is really touching, I can imagine it being really special to whomever you wrote it for. It's always good to know when there's someone out there looking after you =]
Keep it up,
X
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this is a fantastic tribute to someone you have a lot of respect for... well done on a great write...
cheers
Jen
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"In these poems is where they now reside" -- in this particular context I believe your choice of "is" would be "are".
"You wondered simply what could be so wrong" -- this line is too long. I feel that you could cut it down by 2-3 words and still get the message across.
You have commas yet no other form of punctuation. I feel if you're going to use one, you should use th eother.
Your rhyming is okay, but, for this piece I think that's all it needs to be. A nice piece that you have written here.
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Thank you very much for the advice. I can always use constructive criticism. Your comment was greatly appreciated.
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