Left on 53rd does not warm my heart
But I lived a thousand lives
And died a thousand deaths there
It was a sorry place to be
Nobody moving up, nobody moving out
Pudgy black women walking the streets
Skinny White landlords always leering
And boys being boy-criminals.
Here was the place I lived for the
Adolescent years of my life
Lost inbetween childhood and adulthood
Hell and Earth.
The scummy cement stairs were heavily laden
with the impoverished black children and teens
Myself often one of them, without a job or 'home'.
They led reluctantly up to the front door
Thirty-something years old, looking much older
Beyond that an old and tired landlord, balding.
Fifty-something, and sagging, looking much older
And a well worn staircase; the type
You might see in a nightmare
I tried to remember the number of times
I must have climbed those stairs, the timelessness
of the action; sometimes alone, others not
But nothing came to mind, nothing worth
The memory.
My door looked like it had always looked:
Faceless, without passion, espression or distaste
Tersely displaying the '23'- the only identity it knew
Sometimes I envied that door- it was told who it was
And where it belonged, it didn't have to figure it out.
Reluctantly, I pushed it open, and the room was revealed
It looked the same as when I had left it this morning
Nothing had changed. I looked over at the
Burn-stained couch, and tried hard not to think
Of what I had done on it, but like a flock of birds
Returning from migration, the memories flooded back.
The small pleasures of the scented smoke, an escape
To a slightly less horrifying nightmare.
A swirling nightmare of nightmares, one after the other
Each one worse than the one before.
The anaesthetic of the needle greeted me usually
After long hours of contemplation and regret
Of the damage I had caused to so many lives.
I walked into the bedroom; it upheld the meaning
Of the title perfectly. I looked at the gritty sheets
The slight depression in the springs, and tried to remember
Who had I taken to bed there, who had I used to ease my
Angst, Anger and Grief, but above all, my Guilt.
How many women, how many girls, had I taken there
Most of them willing, others not so much
But nothing came to mind, nothing worth
The memory.
I looked around, and remembered who I was when I first came:
A young boy, innocence intact, excited by the prospect
Of living in the big city with his mother
Exploring, making friends, going to school,
Learning new tricks. But all that changed when she died.
I hoped she was proud of me now; always knowing she wasn't.
I looked around, saw the damp couch, stained carpet,
Saw the plastic kitchen, and the lonely bed.
It was the same as when I had first arrived.
The rooms hadn't changed
The ornaments still stood where I placed them
Only my heart had decayed
A contest entry
- Your Apartment by ea.
400 points, ended November 29, 2006, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Top gun contest 2 by Walking shadow.
410 points, ended December 3, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ways we hide by Myjoy.
420 points, ended March 20, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show, Don't Tell! by loveisthemoment.
330 points, ended April 11, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reflections on High School by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended September 16, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Finally! This is the first entry that has really impressed me. Thank you so much for entering.
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i love this, it is very vivid and well written. reminds me a bit of early kerouac or of his forays into memory explicit in certain choruses of "Mexico City Blues". well done
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I absolutely love it.
"And a well worn staircase; the type
You might see in a nightmare" works really well because it's personally involving somehow, and also strongly descriptive.
"Angst, Anger and Grief, but above all, my Guilt."
I like the capitalisation in that line, it serves well to pick out and strengthen the themes of the poem, and makes the reader stop and think doubly. Well done. -
Nice job. Good imagery. Thanks so much for entering and good luck!
Love always,
~musicangel -
*jaw drops* So...amazing... >_<
Every word you use, every sentence you form, helps to create the most vivid picture I have yet to find on this site. I can almost feel myself there, with the man, seeing every item he sees, feeling every emotion he feels. This piece of writing is amazing...no, strike that...this piece of writing is more than amazing, it's simply breathtaking. Bravo. =)
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Wow this is amazing. Well thought and deeply put together. I loved this so very much and it is just what I was looking for. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
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Wow
That was great. Really deep and impressive. It really shows the flip side of what a lot of people consider the "city" around where I live...
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Stunner
I loved how you discribed the disturbing events that took place and how you felt guilty for those events. A bit creepy. Only error I caught was a minor typo: Lost inbetween childhood and adulthood,
Hell and Earth. Besides that this piece is a very strong one written with a hellva lot of emotions. You have a lot of guts top gun. Great job. I loved the title as well. Good luck top gun!
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This is a great write, congratulations on your trophy win. I think that these scenes play out all too often for today's youth. Brilliant write which left me wanting to read more of your work
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you have really written this well..... You have expressed your lifew cycle, and have painted an amazing visual of the surroundings of where you were...
thank you for sharing
a very enjoyable read
Tracey -
congratulations
first of all congrats. on the trophy!!! you deserved it totally. this write... fanatstic. it really gave a life story, and you write with magnificent imagery, so you can really see everything.. and feel it almost...
that was a really great read, thanks for sharing
NSH
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wow so sad. A very smooth read, well written, indeed.
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hey, thanks for the bronze, and the invite.
i really enjoyed writing this one, no matter how sad and 'obtuse' it is. The poem isn't about me personally, but it's the fate of far too many people in society today.
Thanks for a great contest,
James -
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You're welcome, please check out the contest that inspired this one: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2333661
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truly wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!
i really enjoyed this poem; it was so descriptive. i felt as if i was there; that i lived there. that was totally "groovy"(lol). that was amazing.
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Excellent
I am trying to think of where I should start on this one...I relly loved how you put your whole live story into this write and how it captured the reader from the beginning to end...
This is a definite gold to me...
Thanks for sharing this with us and I wish you the best of luck...
Capture my heart with your words
Tessa -
a life-story squashed into a meaningful poem. awesome poem! you might actually win the contest you've joined in!
iT'S really good, and i can relate to it... i'm still lost between childhood and adulthood...but, yeah, the road's end is just a few years away, so i'd better live life to the full before adult responsibility takes over...haha...(^_^) awesome, really, really good!
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Wow. i don't know what to say. I love your write. It was emotional and fulfilling. I especially like the first verse, the idea of time was apparent and expressed well. I enjoy reading this, well done!
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