To the tune of: London Bridge by Fergie
NO TITS, NO TITS, NO TITS
When I come to the clubs with no pride
And I needs to cut in front of you in line
P. I. G, ‘cause I payin’ no mind
I’m Fergie Ferg
Dumber than a pork rind
All my girls clean my puke up off the floor
And my drug use’s becomin’ folk lore
Wearin’ hot pants just like a coke ho
But I’m a slut who’s all fucked up
So here we go
How come every time I dance around
My maxipad is loose and hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down, like
How come every time I dance around
My maxipad is loose and hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down, like
My boyfriend’s whoring
because I’m so boring
my date cannot even get wood
the Grey Goose got my morals real loose
and this maxipad is really no use
it’s like every time I rub against a dude
he gets bloody and he thinks I’m really rude
whatcha think of my body?
NO TITS
I shake them right here in your face
NO TITS
You tell me you don’t wanna taste?
NO TITS
I get that. I should get them replaced.
How come every time I dance around
My maxipad is loose and hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down, like
How come every time I dance around
My maxipad is loose and hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down, like
When I come to the clubs with no pride
And I needs to cut in front of you in line
P. I. G, ‘cause I payin’ no mind
I’m Fergie Ferg
Dumber than a pork rind
All my girls clean my puke up off the floor
And my drug use’s becomin’ folk lore
I’m a rich, snobby, used up coke ho
But I’m a slut who’s all fucked up
So here we go
How come every time I dance around
My maxipad is loose and hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down, like
How come every time I dance around
My maxipad is loose and hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down
My maxipad is hanging,
It’s hanging down, like
"Get New Britches!"
Author notes
I laughed my ass off writing this. I would love to film a video of it. I can just see myself in hot pants with a maxipad hanging out (it wouldn't be the only thing!) Dancing with my midrif exposed like Fergie!
London Bridge, by Fergie
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit
When I come to the clubs, step aside
Pop the seeds, don't be hating me in the line
V.I.P because you know I gotta shine
I'm Fergie Ferg
And me love you long time
All my girls get down on the floor
Back to back drop it down real low
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
Because you know what, I don't give a fuck
So here we go!
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like
Drinks start pouring
And my speech start slowing
Everybody start looking real good
The Grey Goose got the girl feeling loose
Now I’m wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
It's like everytime I get up on the dude
Papparazzi put my business in the news
And Imma get up out my face
[Oh shit]
Before I turn around and spray your ass with mace
[Oh shit]
My lips make you want to have a taste
[Oh shit]
You got that? I got the bass!
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like
When I come to the clubs, step aside
Pop the seeds, don't be hating me in the line
V.I.P because you know I gotta shine
I'm Fergie Ferg
And me love you long time
All my girls get down on the floor
Back to back drop it down real low
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
Because you know what, I don't give a fuck
So here we go!
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like
In a list
A contest entry
- Can You Give Weird Al a Run For His Money? by Midnight-x-Rose.
575 points, ended December 15, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this was totaly a scream
iam laughing to hard to write any more
-
Your a good rapper,
don't think your a slapper,
just chapper,
and that's no lie.
Just love the way you write,
could keep me laughin all night.
Rap, must be your style,
it's pretty cool but very vile.
My I do media, i'd film it gladly,
but I have no actual talent sadly.
Nevermind, this is a load of muck,
thanks for entering and good luck! -
This was hilarious
I thoroughly enjoyed this write. I hate that song, but was pleased to see such a cute parody. I think that Stacy Ferguson (Fergie) is very talented but utterly disgusting in her mannerism. She did better before she went solo and still had the talent of the boys in the band to keep her afloat. Love ya.
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oh god. im cracking up so much. this is priceless.
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I felt the same way! I haven't had that much fun in a while! My daughter and I sing 'London Bridge' in the car. That's where the idea started. When I saw a "Weird Al" contest, I knew what I had to do.
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LMAO
Your either insane or brilliant, but either way you gave me a giggle that was well needed
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LMAO
Well... why not both? I am the epitome of the insane genius. How's that grab ya? -
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: )
insanity and genius are just two opposites of the same thing no ? like love and hate...
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