[the Matt Moridune ]

[THE MATT MORIDUNE ]:

1.0

In the back of your simple, fucked mind, you already met a few characters of this tale. But, this is where we will start. From scrap to a finished creation. Because for once in your life, I will tell you to empty all knowledge of this story and where it possibly will lead into. Truly, you have no idea. My name is Matt Moridune and there is no need to tell you about the city lights of Ohio or the endless lines of imbecilic teenagers running about. Smoking and eye-fucking the older and unused women, mindlessly greeting and thanking. Business is not an issue, and neither is our aimless sexual discomforts.
Lets go back to my apartment. Laced in a black design, obviously I am a single man of 32 years old. There is no scent or clue that will lead you to think that there is one female aspect within these walls. Because I am a man who is alone and fearless.
I have a patterned tie locked around my neck and a suitcase glued to my right palm. This isn't me, who I was suppose to be. Who I didn't want to be is now who I have to live with. You've got the image in your head, and you already know that I am not happy with my standards and my distant cravings that lead me no where.

I'm spent.

I razed through my memories and I'm left waking up with the same tingling I got on the morning of my sixteenth birthday. Nothing to tragic struck me, I was as healthy as anyone else. Rotting my teeth our with Mountain Dew, pot, and booze. Fucking and yelling, an unruly, so-called misunderstood teenager. Nothing could petrify me, and I was invincible.
But, now. I am walking to my car, a dogmatic with a dress code and I am definitely insipid due to my age and boring work status. My thoughts are redolent, but my actions are untidy and I'm nothing more than a stupid wallflower in the way.

This life is boring. Let's go back to the day I was 14 years old.

1.2

I'm now a curly haired, misbehaved, little brat. I'm sitting in class and not listening. And it's the third day of school, already bored and eye-balling my targets. My friend Casey sits behind me, he's kicking my desk and yelling out obscene lines to the teacher. Casey is my age, but older. My birthday is in August and his is in March. Both of us are intimidating for our age group. We don't tolerate, blame, or vandalize. Our job is to verbally abolish you and to trip you while you walk by. We simply mean to harm and it's for the sake of helping you grow.

There's a boy sitting on my right, he's to silent for his age and this annoys me. He must be new to the school, but that gives him no excuse to let loose a vibe that is weak and powerless. "Your to quiet, please say something, your getting annoying." I said bluntly to his face to catch his attention and to let him know that he should feel at home. But, he returns nothing but kindness and this lets me know that I can push him around and take advantage whenever. I don't like it. He could do better.
"Kid, don't have me walk all over you." It was that simple to say. But, could he get my drift?

"Who are you?" He said it quite clear and no longer seemed terrified and pale.
"My name is Matt Moridune and this is my friend, Casey." I pointed behind me to let him know that he was with me and that I was not alone. But, for this kid- he was alone, and I can't help but ponder on whether it was a good thing or not.
"Nice to meet you, Matt and Casey. My name is John Keerie." Now, this is where it starts to get messy. This kid is to nice, and it better not last to long. We'll let this simple greeting slide, but then we'll have to break him down.
The bell rang, me and Casey walked out separately but in sight.

1.3

I'm 17 years old now and things have grown more beautifully than ever. It's 2:00 p.m. and I'm barely awake. Me and Casey are planning a trip to another town nearby. We get sick of the same outcomes, the same travels, the same streets and the same whatevers. And by 7 p.m., we'll be in my car, smoking and pondering on life- as if it were some exquisite thing that's happened to us. We'll gossip and talk low of others. And most of all, our presence and likeness will help us grow thick skin together.
By a few more hours, John was worked into the conversation. His weakness had become a problem within us and it was about time that we were to make some real actions. The confrontations went no where with John.

"Maybe he's gay." Casey announced. It was a high possibility considering that John was so bad with the girls, but who isn't at this age? I've pondered this quite a few times myself, but didn't take it into a serious consideration.

"Nah, man. We'll just have to teach him our ways." I turned my headlights on, and started to head back home. I was seedy and was ready to spend a few more hours alone, thinking about what to do next. Casey asked for a light, I was handing him the lighter before he even started to ask. I've adapted to this familiarity of Casey and how often he lights up a cigarette, just because he has more to say.

By the time I dropped Casey off at his house and worked my way back home. I started to realize that these things weren't going to die down anytime soon. Year by year, I became more intelligent and more aggressive, but sadly- I was growing weaker with my strength. In fact, I started to have a hard time handling real situations with real reactions.

1.4

A year has gone by and I've become more intolerant with people and with myself. And John, though he will always be the nice guy no matter how cruel and willing to fight, he will always be an embellishment to women. His spotlight is dimmer compared to mine and Casey's. Only because, the more we grow stronger- the more our innards seem to decay. Casey was truly an original and he's taught me more than I'll ever be able to teach John. The more this personality is passed down, the more weaker and useless it will become. I'm the one who is doomed here.

1.5

I let my music drift within my room, I let the lyrics flow around me and I relax in the sound of depression, but truly- I am appreciating everything. I sit back in my chair, staring at the background image of my computer and listen to the knocking on my window. I climb back out of my hole to open up the door to the others. It's Casey and John standing by my window, smoking and shivering from the cold weather. They let no sign out to let me know they want in. I invite them anyways. He leaves the cherry of his cancer stick on my porch and sits across from me. He has much to say, but hasn't started his way into an endless trail of stuttering, unfinished vocabulary, and in-between laughter's yet. John is smiling, he always is.

"What's going on?" Casey was waiting for me to say something. Just to let him know that I want to hear it all. There obviously was some drama going on without me. Perhaps someone got the shit beat out of their miserable bodies, or someone called the cops for an unreasonable cause.

"David called the cops on us." This is thrilling to me. I will obviously invite myself into this predictable situation just to be loud and known.
"What the hell for?" I ask for details, just for the mere reason that I want to know what all is going on. Not to be confused and clueless to certain aspects of this situation before I dive myself into it.

"John kept calling his cell phone to annoy him. He then threatened to call the cops. Of
coarse, we can't take this fucker seriously. Turns out, he certainly did."
"That's bullshit. What a fucking little girl." We all have a good laugh. After John finishes on telling me what was all said between the both of them, I announce that something will be said by me to him tomorrow. And to let him cool down tonight. And no, there will be no sympathy from me. We don't tolerate cop callers, no one should.

1.6

The following day, I make my way across town to greet good ol David. His house isn't pleasant compared to the others and I can smell an odor that I couldn't define at the moment. I knock on the door loudly and boldly. He doesn't answer for quite a while. He then swings open the door in a manner that makes me laugh for a while. The look on his face isn't surprising one bit and I can't help but crack up with laughter at how stupid he can be.

"Da-avid!" I sang out to mock him while we were face to face. He knew why I was here and he tried to pull off this intolerant personality that he surely will never develop.
"What." I couldn't take this moment seriously. And I wasn't quite comfortable to the point where I can easily ask a million questions that I expect to be detailed in a fine and well explained tone. But, I'm always left with enigma's stamped on my forehead.

I make my way into his house and sit on his couch and cross my arms. No one else is at the house, this is perfect. He stands there for a bit, shocked at how impatient and overly-powerful I tend to be. He then tries to tell me to get the fuck out his house. Yes, he pointed to the door and told me to get out.

"Get the fuck out of my house." He said loudly and clearly. I couldn't help but giggle at him while he tried to clone himself to be equal to us. I was alone, but I was in no danger.
"What are you going to do? Call the cops?" I asked just to bring out a vibe into the room that I wasn't going to leave without something being accomplished. He surely was not going to get the best of me, ever. He drops his arm and glances down to his feet. Walks slowly to the chair across from me and stares out the window. I let the silence last until he looks back at me with weakness.

"Let's hear it." Am I this fucking predictable? He already knows what will become of him. I'm sure he knew from the beginning that as soon as he threatened the cops and then took action that I would have something to say, that I would be over here to belittle him, to stomp on him and to do everything possible to let him know that he wasn't going to do it again.

"I'll just let this slide, for once." There was a pause between us. I wasn't finished with what I had to say. But, he started in anyway. He started to stutter in fear, and he spilled out a million excuses for the way he acted.
"Matt, I was just having a bad day and everyone was getting in my face and you guys are to cruel to me and I get so sick and tired of it."

He should of just kept his mouth shut, but why does he have to be so small? He just dug his hole deeper than it's ever been. His confession ruined him, and it helps me ruin him even more. I interrupted his bitching and simply made him feel worse about himself. This was my accomplishment. I'm here to teach you to learn. David will never learn, though. Of coarse, I don't want that to be this way.

I let loose by horrible confrontations out on him, only because I know whats best. And letting him know that how he presents himself is weak and pathetic will hopefully help him become something more. The one question I never took the time to ponder was : Does he want to be more?

I leave with my completed goal in hand and he is left to wither.

1.7

I stop by John's house because I know for sure that he is home. I tell him what I previously was up to. We had a good laugh and decided to go out to eat. We were both hungry for food and action. My last encounter wasn't good enough for today. We all starve for drama because we have nothing better.

"Look at that piece of shit. Do you think it'll break down by the time it hits main street?" He pointed out a rusty old car that obviously was fuming the area with a horrible stench that we had to literally point and laugh. We yelled out some obscene insults and left when we received no respond.

"Fuck Wednesday's. Nothing ever happens in the middle of the week."
"I know." He said this in a dreadful voice and dragged his sigh through the silence between us and then ended it in a quick halt. An idea had struck.

"Hey Matt, let's give David a call." John was now excited and knew for a fact that some drama was to strike.

"You aren't afraid that he will call the cops, again?" Of coarse, I already knew the answer this this and he was to soon to release a sarcastic but serious answer.
"Noooo." He smiled and started to dial on his cell phone.

We were walking down the street, the farther away we got from the fast food restaurant we were previously at, the more clueless our travel became. We weren't bored, we wanted more.
"Hello?" David answered, clueless to who was calling. Let's classify this as the Cell Phone Game. Where we tag each other with pointless calls and annoying insults.
"Hey, beautiful." Casually greeted, John knew what he was doing and what he was saying.
"Fuck you." Again, he faked another personality that we weren't accustomed to. Fuck him for that.

There was a silence after he hung up, and then a bust of laughter. We called back a few more times and then gave up and found something better to do. Harassment must be our middle name, and we took that to new levels. I'm dramatically prideful. And we will keep it this way.

1.8

I opened the door to my house and walked inside. I closed it behind me and made my way around the house and ended up in my room. I left my shoes and took no notice to where they were placed. Sat down in my chair and thought about what to do next.
An hour passed while I browsed through the internet. The phone was ringing and I stared at the caller ID. It was Steven and I wasn't sure on whether I wanted to answer or not. Before I could decide, I answered it.

"Hey" I answered. I'm hoping that he has something important to say or wants to do something. I hate it when people call me for no reason.

"Sup, Matt?" This is to empty to soon. I left a silence because I expect him to say more.
"Wondering if your up to anything tonight? You should come down to my house later. David and Casey will be here, so they said." He's said enough and I'll be out the door in a bit when I'm done doing nothing.

"Okay. See you later then." I replied simple and to the point.
I hung up and got back to what I was doing. Which was nothing to important to describe. What I will tell you is that Steven is nothing more than an acquaintance that I couldn't define as well as John, Casey, or David. He was simple minded and he seemed to of always been in the middle of everything when something dramatic was happening. He always took no notice of being attacked as David did and he never acted weak, but always avoided the confrontation. Instead of crying about it, he simply would just walk away. Either way, it was a sign of weakness and I always had to take action when it was occurring. There was never anything left unsaid or undone when I was there.

1.9

Nothing irritates me as much as meager individuals. When I arrived at Steven's house, you wouldn't believe the most predictable event was happening. David was being loud and jumping around, acting tough but being a big baby about everything that was shot at him. I picked up Steven's phone and called up John to get his ass over here. When John arrived, we started in on belittling each other until David would eventually break down into a little emotional pile of shit. He reeked of it, and we loved to abolish all possible strength within him- which was none to be exact.

After the fun and games, we all headed home separately for the night.
I'm a content person who can never have enough.

By the next day, we went through our daily routines of work and school and would eventually meet up with each other in the evening. We would then explore, dare, and make the night worthwhile.

2.0
I shot open my eyes and my clock blinks 12:00, the power must of went out sometime during the night. No one is home.
Places we called home. Trails of endless smoke rings, patterns of blood stains and dignified stands. We'd roam without a goal, search for faces to beat to a bloody pulp, to take back what we claimed, to accomplish a name that we would never forget. Our judgement was strong-willed and we either accepted or disowned you.
It was early in the morning. After rampaging through the cupboards and the fridge, I ate and took off. When I closed the front door, I realized a cigarette butt on the porch from the night before. Casey must have forgotten. I picked it up and threw it out in the street while I made my way to my car.

2.1

I circled a few blocks before I ended up parked in front of Dolby's house. I made my way to the front door without tripping over garbage or some fat Mexican child laying and screaming for no apparent reason. The door was half way open and the usual noise was growing as I walked in further. There was dirty and clean laundry piled on each couch, and there were DVD's, broken toys, cigarette butts, and popcorn layered over the carpet. The lights were out and what grew to my attention was the amount of people leaving at once. There was obviously some drama, like always. After the commotion cooled down, I went and found Dolby to ask what was going on.

"Hey, Matt. Haven't seen you in a while. Where've you been?" She greeted and made her way closer but had a difficult time making her way around her shitty home.
She threw off all the clothes and sat down on the couch, straightened her red shirt and gestured me to make a seat and to not bother making a mess. Like that was any concern for me. Before I could respond, a child had crawled up on her lap and was whining about something. I ignored it and continued because I felt at home and nothing was shocking to me here.

"I've been around. Same old shit." I kept it simple because she knew how things have always been.

I've never had sympathy for her, but in a way- I respected her. She had two kids and probably a million boyfriends she fucked that left, and she was aware of it but never took no real action to help herself in the long run. What mattered was, how she was going to get by today and who was going to come on in tomorrow. I know to many of this type. And as interesting as it may seem, it truly isn't.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Same stupid shit, same stupid motherfuckers." She replied with an aggravation that we
were all use to.

"Yeah, no kidding." I didn't have much to say but to nod and to relax in this smothered home of tension and discretion.

She gets up and goes into the kitchen for a bit. I remain where I originally was and took a good look at the place around me. Three guys walk in and pass me. They are all talking and yelling for Dolby, they were talking in severe slang and were mentioning cops. And that's when I thought I should be headed out soon.
Before I could even react, a fight broke out within the group. One took off and two remained throwing fists into each others faces. Blood ran, and Spanish words were flying back and forth. Dolby kept her distant, as did I. I played no part in this dramatic situation and I planned to stay out of it. They eventually calmed down and noticed that the other one bolted out of the house. They ended up paranoid at the thought of the other one disappearing so quickly and later on took off on the search.
"What the fuck was that about, Dolby?" I was quickly aroused in anger and wanted to know what the fuck was up. She sat down and started to talk.
"Mike, the one who threw the first blow because Carlos was talkin' some shit.. Someone stole some shit out of his car, him and his buddies got together and wanted to do something about it. Turns out, it was his homeboy-Terance- the one who ran off." Dolby had some trouble explaining the situation but it came across just fine for now. I knew Mike as an acquaintance and I was planning on asking some questions about this little quarrel the next time I ran into him.

She handed me a Mountain Dew and talked about how difficult it is to pay her bills and how she was knocked up again. I have no relation with these problems but I replied with a simple "get a job" lecture. As if it were to be of use someday, and it won't.
"Well, thanks for the drink. I gotta head out. Hope all goes well and stuff." I yawned out while getting off the couch and headed towards the door.
Dolby remains where she sits and smiles.

"I'll be back sometime." I reassured her that I was to show up again sometime. And I was gone.

2.2

I drove over to Casey's house and went and knocked on his window. He was alone. He came outside and lit up a cigarette and sat down on the porch step of his house.
"What's up?" He asked. You could tell that he was tired and hasn't been up to much today.
"Ah, not much. I was over at Dolby's house for a while, there was a fight." I said simply and letting him know that I was about to spill out some details as soon as he showed some interest.

"A fight between who?" Casey asked, taking another drag of his cigarette and leaning up against his front door.

"Man, I was just chillin over there and three guys walk in. Mike, Carlos, and Terance. Turns out that Carlos started talking shit and Mike just started to beat the shit out of him, Terance flew off, guessing it's because he knew that Mike was to find out that he stole some shit out of his car."

"That's crazy." He replied.

"Yeah, they took off to go find him. I didn't get a chance to talk to Mike, though. I didn't stay long enough to see if he were to come back." I had a feeling that Mike was to return to Dolby's house considering on how often he's there to begin with. I just figured that I would catch up with him later.

Casey yawns and holds out his cigarette for an offer. I take it and returned it after a few drags while Casey went off about the girl he fucked the night before. I wasn't really impressed, but rather intrigued with his personality of fucking skanks. I would always crack up laughing when he would explain how he got that bitch to get the fuck out when he was done with her.

"Ye-eah."

There was some silence between us. I then decided to take off and to catch up with his ass later.

"Hey, well I'm gonna take off. I'll meet up with you later tonight."

"Cool." He replied. Casey flicked his cigarette out into the street and took a hold of his screen door and said his good-bye.

2.3

I arrived at John's house and waited in my car for a bit until he came out and got in the front seat of my car.

"What's up, dude?" He asked in a happy-go-lucky attitude.
"Not much, went to Dolby's house for a bit, stopped by Casey's and now I'm here." I said.
"Yeah, I talked to Casey on the phone, he said some shit happened up at Dolby's house. Like a fight or something." He said to hint that he wanted to know the details. Which means that I'd have to repeat myself or just have him ask Casey to tell him what I said.

"Eh, just have Casey tell you. I don't feel like repeating the story." I replied in a
dreadful voice.
"Alright, man." He said to keep things cool. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Let's head over to
David's, I talked to him a while ago on the phone and his girl is over there, you know what that means."

We drove over there and found David sitting on the porch with his girlfriend. They were both smoking and snickering at each other.

2.4

David's girlfriend is quite a catch. And I say that with sarcasm. Truly, she is the ugliest, fattest, piece of shit skank any guy could possibly fall in love with. Or even touch with a 9 foot pole. You see, Tracy comes off as a very intimidating, control freak, STD infested fucked pussy that's more disgusted with romance than any female on this planet. In fact, I don't even think she should be classified as a female. The point is, they only have each other no matter how unhappy they tend to be in each others presense. For all we know, they could be sercretly engaged to a life of trailer trash, twinky stuffing kids, and a very big roll of cookie dough sex that couldn't get any more filthy than the amount of times that David is found on his knee's begging for forgiveness, an eternity of being whipped, and beaten into a girly son of a bitch, and for a simple 'I love you' as a reply. Which has never been found to be an adequate response other than a punch to the balls. We all love it here.

2.5

"He-ey, Tracy!" John teased as we walked up to approach them.Which should be translated to a simple hello if it weren't for my hardcore influence. They were both sitting on the door step with a very tense and miserable vibe between them. I obviously arrived at the perfect time. You could tell that they had been fighting and it was probably over David's sense of obsession and jealousy.

When we had step foot in front of them both, smiling, and very ready to start blowing over David's tower of pride. Before anything was said, he had jumped up to announce that he was inviting all of us into his house- which was nothing special because it reeked of rotten sex and food. We all headed into the house and I cleared a spot on the couch to sit where I sat the last time I was here. John sat on the other end while David and Tracy sat in seperate chairs across from us. The TV was on but muted. The radio was playing some music but I couldn't make out who it was.

"So, what's new?" David asked. He was very enthusiastic and hyped at the moment and I considered the possibility that he was about to jump up and do something very unusually gay. But, he didn't.

"What are you guys fighting about?" I asked immediately because I was intrigued and was willing to make matters worse for them. The fire grew in Tracy's eyes the moment I asked, she whipped a hard glance right at me and responded.

"What the fuck made you think that?" She snapped. The moment her anger took flare, the moment I realized how right I was. And I continued to harrass them.

"It's so fucking obvious, look at you two. So miserable." I replied with a slight sarcastic attitude, but mostly aware that something was wrong and there was a good chance that it wouldn't be anything to interesting for my taste.
There was a silence until John nudged me about how he needed to get home. So I got up, stretched, and said out loud to David and Tracy that I had to give John a quick ride home because it was getting late.

"Can we come along?" Tracy asked, she looked up with begging eyes and put out her cigeratte in a hurry. David shrugged and went along with everything Tracy asked for. Which was predictable in all situations.

"Yeah, hurry." I said casually and started headed out the door. When we all got in my car, John in the front and David and Tracy in the back, we headed off to John's house to drop him off.

2.6

It was starting to get dark outside when we arrived at John's house. He hopped out and went around to the other side of the car and leaned into my window and said, "Hey, don't let David in the front seat, you don't want to tragically serperate them, ha ha ha ha.." and then headed towards his house for the night. I looked at both of them in the backseat and laughed and started to drive away.

"Hey, Matt, can we all go to Tracy's house?" David asked.
"To that disgusting dump..sure." I replied meaningfully.

I parked in front of Tracy's house and got out. Walked into her house first and landed on her couch. It was warm and cozy and you could smell her mother making dinner in the kitchen. Though, the smell wasn't necessarily pleasant, and neither was her house- it still remained homely and cozy. When the other two followed in after me, David headed straight to the kitchen to loudly yell out how good dinner looked and how excited he was. Tracy made her way to the usual chair she sits in everytime I'm over and pets her dog a few times and asks me a million questions about my day.

She attempts to be civil with me, but I always have something cruel to say. She will start to shrug it off, David will come in to defend her, and before you know it- I've got complete ownership of them all and you might as well proclaim me as God.
I had my fun and headed back to Casey's house to see if he was home.

2.7

I start my car and the music I previously was listening to came on. I sat for a bit and listened to the rest of the song. It may seem as if I never run out of things to do, but in time I will. In time. Before I took off, I could distantly hear David and Tracy yelling at each other. I didn't find this shocking at all and this made me smile to myself. I then drove off smoothly before Tracy came out to demand me to take him home.

2.8

I pulled up in front of Casey's house and walked up to his window, I knocked for a bit and there was no answer. I stood outside for a bit, and he then walked outside.
"Sup, Matt?" He said while lighting up a cigeratte as he walked to the other side of his house. I followed him as he went off about how his mother bitches to much. I leaned up against his house and started in on telling him how big of a whipped pussy David was and he would laugh as I told him the things that went on.

While I was telling him what previously happened while I was with David and Tracy, the sprinklers came on and had almost soaked us completely if we hadn't run out to the front of the house quick enough. After brushing my clothes off, I started to walk out into the street to look up into the sky. I stood there for a while until Casey came out to look at what I was looking at.

I felt like laying out in the middle of the road to watch the clouds move away from the moon. I felt like spreading my arms and telling the world to rain. I felt content and alive.

"I feel like walking around." Casey announced. I felt the same and started to walk down the street away from his house.
"Well, let's go." I demanded. Of coarse we had no where to go. But, the travel was nice.
Our walk was very energetic with supurb conversations and motivated futures. Though, not much was said, it didn't matter for tonight was decent. We walked until we came across a local gas station and went inside to get something to drink. I offered to buy Casey a Mountain Dew and knowing him, he never denies an offer and neither would I. When we made our way outside, we noticed that Mark was walking up as we were headed out.
"Hey, man." Mark greeted happily.

"Long time no see." I replied. Mark wasn't around much, but when he was- he always knew how to have a blast.
"Yeah, no kidding. Hey, I have get heading, though. I'll see you guys around." Mark said hurredly and went his own way.
"Later." I said.
"Later." Casey said.

2.9

When me and Casey looped our way back home, we stood out on the curb of my house and drank our Mountain Dews and discussed our memories with Mark. Considering that we had just saw him.

I remember back in the day when me, Casey, and Mark would go hang out by the lake and throw rocks at each other, prank call people we knew, and bullshitted about each other for fun. Other than that, Mark wasn't much of an impact as Casey was.
The curb was misshapened and the night light kept us warm with an acknowledgement that the town was still awake. Though, our hoods were mismatched with the fades of black, our posture and tension was the same. Casey inhaled and let out a sigh of released tobacco fumes. The air was stiff in coldness and it seemed like everyone had split off into a variety of directions. We were left to kill the night and to conquer the world.
I yawned to the thought of having to walk away with nothing but exhaustion from earlier. After I adjusted my hat, I started to drift my way back home.

3.0

These events will fund us, benefit us, and teach us. They will fund a great deal of strength, benefit us through personality, and teach us to grow firm. I never wanted to be a person who started off where he left. So today, I will you show you a new side. Where this displeasure takes place and hurts more than you will ever think possible.

3.1

Lingering with stand-by aggression. I wait.

3.2

It was a Friday night and Casey was unsure about what to do with himself. The same with I. Moments similar to this drew us to a lake, something we always found appreciation in. Or to travel along with a desperate search for familiar individuals. Fierce eyes, meager thought tones, whispered threats, and thoughtful blows. We were here to lurk and to rise. But, our weakness was something you never thought to be possible, to exist within us, and to ever glimpse or shimmer in the open.

I could never remember these dreams, these blue faded textures of inspirations that struck me. Like my boundries contained a bent razor wire, that steamed in heat when I came near the imagination of sexual comforts or nightmares of my anger. I never saw it like this, I never will. This horizon was something I could never amount to, something I never took the time to hear.

I never surrender, I never pull the thread to make us one, and I never could take another. Every day was something to spend finding a way, and I was always trying to be something I already am.

The cloud of smoke is pushed out of open mouths, of cold air and thick embraces. Shivering in the autumn breeze, a blackened sky without holes, without a moon, without a glowing puff of greyish-blue. A burden that never existed, an empty night filled with pin needles of events.

"It's fucking cold." Teeth chattering announcements by Casey always seemed to of been the same of what I was already well aware of.
"Yup." I returned with acknowledgement.

3.3

I start to take apart the fountain drink I previously bought and drank. I'm not much for creativity, but I can destroy what was whole. I threw out the remains one by one out my window as I made my way around town. John was in my passenger seat and he was being selective about the next CD to put in.

We're rolling down a line of trailer trash junkies. I park in front of Heather's house and I double check that my car is locked, because I could never trust this sort of place.
"Heather!" John called out to get her attention before we made our way to the front door.
She's already standing there when we arrived at the bottom of the steps, though there is only 4-5 of steps up. They creak without movement as we take a million steps up. I don't hestitate to walk in and sit on her couch. At this moment, John is already going through her fridge and asking where all the food is. Of coarse, we had an awareness of how lacking they were in the food product department, but the harrassment was quite fine.
"You guys are so mean to me." She whined. It only brought more negative attention to herself, I'm starting to think that it was on purpose.

It wasn't a heartache or a belittled piece of flesh that burned among us. It was weakness, that bled to easily.

3.4

I'm more than you'll ever know. Not only am I dying with the rest of you, I am also learning and growing. Swaying with the wind of abbreviated agression. My morals are swallowed completely, and I jump to conclusions when you lack clear statements. I assume the worst, and I hope for the worst. I am growing dimmer and I still remain young. I will not hide my hatred, and I will not hide my accomplishments. I am not equal, and my pride will look down upon you. I do not jump, I do not follow, I do not whisper my reasons, and I will not drown within insecurity.

I will scorn, rather than to appreciate. I will be loud, rather to listen. I will exploit, rather to kneel. I will wait, rather to attempt a movement. I will look away, rather than to seek. You will want to be everything that I have brought you. I am your inspiration, what you despise, I am your acquaintance when you are unable to reach obsession.

3.5

I'm not much of a gentlemen. I'm young, restless, and I haven't accomplished much yet, and
that's why I live life. You think you know so much, but you don't know enough. Let me get something straight here, your a vulnerable, piece of shit. And I won't stand here to tolerate another second of it. You cannot break my pride, but I surely can smash yours to a fucking pulp. With satisfication, I will part. Either I am accepted for who I am and what I stand for, or I am despised for my actions, my strength, and my pride. Either will
do.

3.6

"My valid point is, that your a liar and your a filthy loser that no one likes. Just face it, you can't fool me." I was pacing with tension and growing frusteration. Why couldn't Steven just admit to his lies and that he has no life? We accepted him as who he was, why would he try to pretend to better himself?
The room was damp and by every visit, the more it felt empty. There was a light stench that consisted of cigerattes, sweat, and mold. The door was open and creaked every time the wind blew, and the carpet was sticky from spilled soda. John was laid back, smiling, and observing everyone else's facial expressions, as if he were seeking for a moment of victory or attention. Steven lacked eye-contact, he lacked energy, and he also lacked violence. He didn't want to hear it, and he surely did not want us here. Simple, we were unwanted and this made the moment more inviting for drama.

He continued to shake his head at disbelief that we actually cared for who he use to be. I was standing quite a distance with expectations in my eyes, John's huffing laugh, and a silence just for his response. Which had never come.
"You use to be cool, Steven." I continued to jump start the conversation. I didn't want things to end so quickly without accomplishment, without my point getting across his imbelilic thick head of his.
"What? I'm not cool anymore?" His response was shocking and alert. Instead of getting up and agressive about it, he grew dim with depression and disappointment. But, also he had grown carelessness about these friendships, acting as if he was better off, or that he had others. Of coarse not, though.

This conversation became useless and thick with misconceptions and with brain dead possibility's. Since nothing will change, we will have to replay this old game like the memory it is. I could bring the word annoying a whole new definition, if you like.

3.7

What happened was, Steven took up the Crystal as something unique, like it were a Jesus-provoking miracle. If the liquified stench of addiction spilled, anger rose up as a fatal tragic that bloomed out as eager and angry motives, I wonder how he could afford it, I wonder if he realized that his persona is now killed completely. The more I gasped in wide-eye'd observasations at his twitching and his desperations, I couldn't help but think that the worse part of it was..that he was better being the poor lazy fuck who couldn't amount to anything. No, Steven now amounts to the taste of Meth on your pinky, he amounts to the disgusting vibes of needy recollections, he amounts to a lifestyle that is now chained to a pipe, to a clear rock that couldn't be defined other than a Tuesday morning in bed and to the scars it leaves in your head, on your body, with the others, and mostly out of the value his mind could of reached, and never did.

He is now left to be a needy species that now couldn't speak nor realize that something was right in front of him. He is gone and he has no definition to happiness or depression. I liked it when he didn't amount to shit, that he had the chances to better his life and that he decided to remain where he was because that's who he was. Now, he amounts to a nothingness that drags him down to the ground and keeps him there no matter what.

3.8

By the following night, we collected a few figures to visit him at his house. When me and John arrived, he was already standing on his porch with the phone in his hand. Casey stood off to the side, close to the street while he smoked a cigeratte. He played no part, other than a witness to the voices that twirled in tension and curiousity.
"Sup?" Steven greeted. He sat down and crossed his arms to keep warm.
"You on the phone?" John questioned, in hope that he would say yes, to start another humilating joke that did no good. John wasn't as clever as I.
"No, just waiting for a call." He answered truthfully while he turned to look at me.
"Who?" I added out of mere curiousity.
"I'm getting the hell out of here. I can't pay my rent." He said in a basic informational tone.
"Maybe if you didn't spend all your money on drugs.." John brought it up all casual, as if it weren't that big of a problem. But, it is.
"John couldn't pay the rent before that." Correcting him was the highlight of that minute.

A histarical laugh broke out for a short period of time until a serious vibe broke out and swept us up into curiousity. John began to discuss that he was moving out of his apartment and moving into April's, a really good friend of his. This is where it starts getting easy for him. Considering that John is now moving in with April, where he doesn't have to pay her shit or help out with the daily bills. This is bullshit. Simple bullshit.

3.9

My hatred for Steven seems to grow by the day. He was better off as a useless drunk that couldn't ever keep a job if his life depended on it. And with this hatred and strength, John followed.