The darkened door, the crimson lace,
The subtle face, the mild whore,
The fast repent, the wild chase,
The twilight edge, the tragic flaw
The loaded gun, the steady hand,
The foreign land, the quiet sun,
The lasting peace, the closing walls,
The movement quick, the battle won
The ancient muse, the beggar’s life,
The lover’s strife, the subtle ruse,
The western wind, the woken dream,
The traitor’s blood, the lamb profuse
The silent night, the city grim,
The tainted whim, the child’s spite,
The secret word, the tattered flag,
The marble arch, the diamond light
The tired gaze, the heaven sent,
The young intent, the lasting haze,
The rising sound, the fell decree
The lover’s quest, the absent maze
Author notes
The first verse came to me complete in a moment and what followed was a series of points to explain the complexities of a certain type of emotion. Don't stop at the surface, look deeper, this poem was written to be read once and felt thereafter...and so to them refer without knowing, this poem is best read when not at all but written again by each individual.
Ravenscroft
A contest entry
- No work required for this contest. Prewrites only. by yoopea.
617 points, ended July 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~A Reflection~ by Mezclita.
450 points, ended September 23, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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lol... I was actually pondering on whether "glitches" would even be the appropriate word... but I left it at that because I expected the term to suffice for "places where more effort could have been put in to 'perfect'"... there another word you might want to contemplate? Hey, but I'm only being so critical because I like it... typical of me to act as my own devil's advocate... guess it's to keep myself in check & open. Hope that clears it up for u and if u so happen to still care to know which specific parts I was referring to... simply ask~ if not, then ttyl^^
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okay so I get your comment about this poem not even being meant to be read, rather "written" by each individual... because the writer usually understands it best: those "complex" feeling behind the words. Although I noticed a few glitches this second time through... I still quite liked it!
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glitches say you?
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I love the paradoxes throughout & the way you've made it open to interpretation. Though you say it's meant to be read once... right now I have some music on and wasn't able to completely concentrate + i must confess I'll have to look up a few words... lol... so guess I'm gonna have to be back at least for a second read despite! ^^ very nice stuff~
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this poem is awsome you have very good imagery and the poem itself gets you thinking and gets you to thinking hard about life and beliefs
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absolutely real work
i loved it and liked it alot
you are awesome with it
keep going on
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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good
wow i like it screw what all those anti-uniquers have to say this is a great poem i like how the rhyming words aren't right under each other that they are like on a diagonal from one another i think its pretty sweet well keep writing and may your poems be unique as ever
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Rhyming rounders
Not sure whether there is an official name for this particular rhyme discipline in quatrain poetry. It makes for an interesting read, though! Just like a sort of 'rhyming rounders'
! Perhaps your title, 'Points of Reference' is a double entendre, relating not only to the thoughts expressed within your piece, but also to the distributed rhymes, to which the reader's attention is drawn.
Hmmm...very interesting! Bravo to you, Ravenscroft! Nice job.
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i love this poem it shows so much in so few words it's amazing to see. keep writing and having good ideas.
whiteroseblackrose
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Very deep indeed, to the extent of deep confusion..
The first impression was your twisted witty usage of rythmes, creative in its own abrupt way..
each first two lines of a stanza rythme in a converted manner, while the last two don't...but then your tricky last word rythmes with the first one from the beginnig..
hmmmm, it got me wondering, I never saw a rythming plan like this one...you Ought to name it after yourself..a new form maybe...(Your call).
Then as I read again, I realized that every half line ( 4 syllables ), is a reflection of an idea..a theme..or maybe a subconcious twisted speculation of worldly matters......I am still wondering..for example:
The silent night, the city grim,
The tainted whim, the child’s spite,
The secret word, the tattered flag,
The marble arch, the diamond light
The silent night = scarce traces of hope,
The city grim = product of demise,
The tainted whim = the broken dream,
The child's spite = the youthful hate directed to an empty world of repressed emotions, and sullen goodness.
At that...(I must say I used some french words, which wouldn't be mature enough to state in here ), why !!,
because you have reflected my own thoughts...How..!!
I am sure you didn't mean those lines in that meaning order...then as I read your author comment I realized..
If what I think is true..then you have yourself a mirror of thoughts here, they will reflect the readers, not the writer's !!!,
May I ask again, how did you do that !!..
if by knowing this, you knew it would reflect the reader's own mind, and not yours, you didn't bother to show in your own....
Philosophy influenced sophistication I must say..
Have you read those too many a time, so that your now able to shed your feelings away while writing..
it's more like having a machine write what I think..
Excuse my loss of track, I may be wrong..
these are my own speculations, which hopefuly you'll deem them right or false by replying..
This was by far, the very poem which provoked me to the extent of writing this essay...
MInd games....yes I might as well change the title into (Mind games), dear poet, you have a fearful talent..
one that can reflect other's inner worlds without touching its own...
Have you studied psychology..!!
but your young for such a task...!!
Excuse me again, but it's the overwhelmig text that made me rambling...
I hope you'll put me out of my misery by explaining, or even placing a hint to all of this talk of mine..
Then again, as regards the ideal observance:
That piece, wouldn't be approved of if the one reading it was my Dad, that I must say, he looks upon the credibility of speech, the observant ideas..he believes not in the subtle (you-have-to-search-for-it) basis....
I suffered from that as well...but hey, ain't poetry about likes, and dislikes..ain't it about the matters personal to the writer...the one thing no one else will understand...
This poem of yours resembles my theory regarding poem comments, a poet may say he knows the meaning of your words, and your phrases...and by his own comprehension applauds your work, but did he really understand the idea..(it's quite impossible)...for there are lines hidden beneath the lines..subconciously forgotten to the materialized words and ryhmes....only the writer feels them..only the writer comprehends..
I by no means state your poem as a non-observant one, All I am saying is that I might get it 50%, while another would find the hidden text and further deeply knows 60%...but the one who'll understand it 100%, is not present, unless it's you that is.
My suggestions would be keep your style of mystery (Hell I try to), but put in mind that not all readers (poets or not), will be able to value the effort of your mind-provoking pieces of thoughts..
Well, this comment has gone far enough, what do you say...!!!,
sorry for my inconvience, I didn't intend to crreate any bias...
Be well explosive poet,
Raven Dark.
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My friend, whatever ability you would credit me with I fear I am unable to adequately express the gravity with which i have recieved your comments. At half past three in the morning in a dark room surrounded by semi conscious men there is a creative atmosphere but your reaction has simply made the air here electric. You need not fear that the depths of this piece remain hidden in their meaning, be it that you understand 50% or 1% of what has been said I doubt any will come to understand and express so concisely what I attempted to. Where I have given you an expression of a thought, unsure where I was going, you have given my thoughts clarity.
When writing this poem I had no intention to write anything at all, I had ever intention to read what was already written, at least, that's what I told myself. Thus you are absolutely correct, this poem is the expression of everyone else, this poem is more written by the one reading it that it was by myself. I only want to act as a medium to give life's experience an alternative mode of expression. You are correct, this is not nessecarily a poem of observance; for the things expressed are not nessecarily the things we observe but rather it is a reflection of things which influence how we see. With words as a mirror may you see the reflection of yourself in interpretation. Perhaps your father may see something, perhaps he may find himself here somewhere, forget not that which remains to be found. Perhaps things remain to be found which were not first intended.
Thus I conclude by saying that it pays to look in the mirror, if there is mystery then in the reflection of mystery can be appreciated the temporary wonder of understanding.
Search out the maze with the intention of loosing yourself, then perhaps you will say you found the way.
Ravenscroft.
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