I saw it on the shore
washed
and kissed by the silvery
illuminated clouds,
fed with salt,
silent
and always hungry for much more...
Like an open mouth, it was
a leak, on its surface,
and water dripped out -
Cold night, soup of life.
My feet hurt with its bite,
blood, absorbed and gone
deep, cold pierced surface,
with water elusive whisper
and wind’s high, laughing scream.
Then I add just one
lonesome, unfaithful tear.
Nothing was there in the night,
people had gone
but I wasn't alone.
Ocean was mine
I had my own scare,
I had my own leaky gray stone.
With calm dawn and lights
it becomes
a book of time.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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Sonja it seems a lifetime since I last read a piece from you I had just about forgotten how good you are at putting feelings into words.I can see you walking bare foot along the oceans edge and the pain felt You know that I am a lover of rhyme , But when free form is done as well as this Then I can really appreciate it Excellent
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Thank you for your rare visit to ma site Legend. I like to write rhyme poetry but with free verses I can go over all boundaries with my own determinations. I am glad that you like this kind of my potic work.
~Sonja~
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Outstanding
I loved all the imagery in this and how you developed the poem, all the natural world and a sense of calmness at odds with the pain in your feet. I thought this poem had a wonderful elusive quality.
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Thank you for this comment, great out of any border
and for applause. I am realy touched, but you already know that without any further explanation. You are always welcome to my site.
~Sonja~
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this poem is very deep. So deep that it is somewhat hard to understand. I am so moved by it! It sounds like you love this stone? Was the stone a leach? or a real stone? It looks as if you are very experinced in poetry writing
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Thank you dear trumpeteer4 for your comment and precious time to think about it. I saw that you are new AP member. Welcome and enjoy your time on this site. I am sure that you will find it helpfull for your poetic work.
Yes, you are right, sometimes poetry is not only what you read. This time it is much more - it was written with metaphorical (lexicon) meaning. Do I have experiance with poetry? Depand. I am writing poetry during the last 40 years and maybe more but less than two years on English language.
And now, about stone. I'll try to give you a clue: No, it isn't the real stone. Try to imagine somebodies life, how people could be hurted and lonesome...maybe love??? Use your imagination to lead you to the right place.
~Sonja~
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Cool
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Deep!
Very well written! I enjoyed reading this poem!! Rose of Ireland
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Thanks Rose. Your comment is very appreciated.
~Sonja~
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excellent
terrific write, you imagery is fantastic. I am not good at free verse but this is awesome. A touch of sadness and being alone but a touch of calmness I find within your words.
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SO BEAUTIFUL! IN A WAY HAUNTING
One is often alone with no one to ease the lonliness and the pain is so real sometimes.
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You makes me to be so proud
Thank you dear Kevin. You realy makes me to be so proud. I am honnoured with yours comment and applauses. Thank you for understanding the real meaning of this poem.
~Sonja~
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Excellent
This is a beautiful piece, your thoughts are captivating and the emotion flows through each stanza. excellent write Bunny
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Thanks dear Bunny. I had to go to visit your site to reminds me who is this cute Cupcrazy Bunny. It was my special pleasure to see that somebody like you visited my site. I am proud for your kind and nice review and applauses. What a cute avatar!
~Sonja~
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Hi Sonja. Beautiful imagery, flow and tone. Vivid descriptives with such clarity. Very nice expression of emotion. Nice alliteration. Very nice word choice. Well crafted and a much enjoyed read. Shelley
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Hi Shelley, I am glad to see yo reading and commenting my poetry. I am gld you enjoed to read it.
~Sonja~ -
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You're very welcome Sonja. It is my pleasure. Take care. Shelley
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Well done poet, some very intense very fresh imagery within this and that is something I adore. Overall I liked this but there are a few suggestions I have for you;
"Like an open mouth, it was
a leak, open on its surface"
In these two lines, the repetition of 'open', doesn't help the poem much, so rephrasing that a little would work wonders. However it's great imagery, like I said. ^^
Also the last stanza, you three concluding lines, seem a little cliche... It also seems to carry a different tone than the rest of the poem.
However other than those two areas you did a remarkable job, and I thank you for entering...
~Shirley -
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Yes, thank you SurelyWritten, you have a right. Somehow I do that mistake. I will fix it up. All my life I was an optimist and that refelcts at the end of my verses.Thanks for rhis interesting contest as a challenge.
~Sonja~
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Wow... what metaphors and imagery and emotions and everything else! I'm not very good at free verse (though for my first 8 months of writing that is all I did) and so I'm impressed when I find someone who can do it well. You seem to be amazing at whatever form you write in and so I'm glad you have joined the group. Thanks for sharing
--Tim
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Thanks to you Tim! I am just trying to grow up as a poet. It is not always easy to do that using second language, with a lot of lack of knowledge, but, with my friends kind support I decided not to give up
~Sonja~
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Well executed!
This is well written mum, the imageries are very well painted with your words, allowing the minds' eye to see this poem very well. Thanks for sharing! I hope you're well. Love you. Laura
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My dear soul daughter, I am ok, mostly, you know what I have to do in my office. your comments are always blessings on my site. I am still at work. I'll try to talk with you from my home pc.
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I love this write of yours. the combination of water waves and that lonely walk. beautiful write my friend!!!GBY
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Thanks for bunch of applauses
Oh, my dear friend, dear GBY, you makes me to blush. I am so proud to met you and to be able to share with you my poetry. With early morning coffee and your great support I am ready to runn all over to find my muse to push her to do something useful becase I saw you like her work.
~Sonja~
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Truly beautiful Sonja, it seems ages since I have read any of your poetry and this piece reminds me how talented you are...
You have an amazing gift of describing, and you fill each line with emotion, this poem makes me feel quite sad, I love poems to evoke that feeling in me, I so enjoy them...
You write about a stroll on the beach and turned it into a night mare, not so easy to do but you have achieved it with this super piece, I wish you luck in the contest
Love and smiles
:Lilac ~
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Lilac love by my side
Well Lilac, I am still here and I am writing, not very often like I was used to do. Maybe you must start sme interesting contest again to trigger my muse? Thank you for your amazing comment, applases and good wishes.
~Sonja~
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I love the ocean. I live in Connecticut, so I'm fairly close, but I don't go too often. This makes me want to go down for a trip. This poem is so wonderful. It describes an unconventional side of the ocean. Many people think of it as a calming place, and it is, but they're always portraying it in such a way that they forget how it can destroy just as much as it heals. Just wonderful.
Blessings, Skye.
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Thank you Skye, you captured the right meaning of my poem. Two sides of beauty at the same place
~Sonja~
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I cut my heel on a sharp piece of shell once in Puerto Penasco while ambling along collecting sand dollars. When I turned around to go back I kept seeing little spots of crismon here and there in the tidal pools. I wondered what had met an inglorius end that day and it was not until I toweled my feet off I discovered the poor little creature was none other than myself, a walking crismon grey stone.
JD
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Thank you Johnny. Sometimes some little action or some little things could be able to remind us how life is important. We can see that we are the part of nature, strong and weak at the same time. Life is a wonder.
~Sonja~
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A very good poem
You did a very good write. I like the middle and end of it. I love how you put feeling into it
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Thanks Warrior of Peace for your precious time to read my poetry. Do I need to write my next poem withut first stanza ? lol
Sorry, joke. I am glad you like it.
~Sonja~
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You wrote a very deep poem and I love the perspective you put it in, Great job my friend...GETS
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Hi Gets! I am glad you like it. Thank you very much for your nice and very precious comment and applauses. It always helps me to awake my muse. Recently she is somehove sleepy.
~Sonja~
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A very sad and lonely poem Sonja. I hurt just reading it.
Please be well and happy.
Jim
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Dear Jim, please do not feel bad because of my words and poetry. Poetry is my passion, my way to express my inner poetic world and my need to write. I am writer and poet. My poems mostly are not my diary. Anyhow, each poem has a specific poet's sign. Thanks for your concern dear friend.
~Sonja~
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hi my dear Sonja
wow...you've written a new poem.That's wonderful.
Your poem is sure very beautiful.
Your muse is still doing her job well.
Love you
Shahrzad
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Dear Sharzad, you know that I am always trying to do something different. Actualy, I was recently without my muse. She slip out somehow. Well, now she is (temporarely)back with no any warnings. Thank you for all those applauses.
~Sonja~
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Wow...
Very well done indeed!
Your gift of free verse is very evident here.
This has such a "melancholy" feel within these lovely words...
And you are so very PRETTY!!!!
Good luck in your contest.
Blessings! Tammy
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Thanks Tammy. I tried to write rhyming verses and to write free verses. I like them both but it looks like that right now I do prefere free verses to express my inner world of poetry.
~Sonja~
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Your imagery here is captivating. Reading this made me feel so lonely. It's absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing. --->pixxie<---
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Thank you dear pixxiepoetess. My intention wasn't to make my readers sad or to feel lonely. I am glad you like it.
~Sonja~
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oops
I meant to send that as an IM -
Wonderful, just a wonderful picture I see, lovely writing I really can relate to the 4th stanza wow its so real as always I've enjoyed your words of poetry...
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Thanks dear Blondone. I am always pleased to see your precious comments on my site.
~Sonja~
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Beautiful!!! The images painted by this poem were actually coming alive with every word. I'll just say this my friend...your words were breathing in this poem. Amazing!
~Udit
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As always, thank you for your friendly poetic support. I am glad that my picture was able to reach you this way.
~Sonja~
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beautiful melancholy
i love your free verse, poetry. you let go of hidden feelings, fears, thoughts, in a fluent way without caring of forms and rhymes, the poetic ideas clear and penetrating. i did read it a few times though, before commenting, i wanted to make sure I make no misinterpretation mistakes. everyone have their own gray stone, if memories, if hopes, if pains still alive biting deeply in a world which seems to have forgotten about you, you’re alone with your fears and your... stone. the ocean? life, thoughts, so intimately yours that no one else has access to them. yes, meaning loneliness too. and the beauty of poetry after all is – anyone can have his own (mis?)interpretation, and everyone is... right
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Thank you very much for your precious time to comment my poetry with great and deep insight. Well, that probably expected from somebody who could be a model for a very special and unique poetry.
~Sonja~
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