The blue of twilight turned to black
The day gave way, and night came back
A haunting tune played out its part,
As words brought sorrow to the heart~
They spoke of pain and lonely times,
Of heartache though their simple rhymes
Though darkness bought a poignant peace,
It could not make the music cease~
The tune played in minor key
And helped the aching heart to see,
That no place are the words so strong
As in the lyrics of a song~
When morning once again returned,
The sorrow of the night still burned
Thought turned back to the sad refrain
And felt again the lonely pain~
The tune made such a lasting mark
Upon the soul, there in the dark
While time must fade into the past,
The memory of the song will last~
Author notes
Written May 11th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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This is a wonderful piece of poetry. I love the photo that goes with it. Songs can play over and over in our heads, or they can remind us of people, places things...but they do "make a lasting mark" Great write you have here, Blushfulmoon.
I do have one suggestion, and it is just a visual one....somthing that struck me as soon as I clicked on the poem. I would lose the border, and just have a black background. I think this border takes away from the photo. A black background would enhance the poem I think.
Cheryl -
Beautiful
That was absolutely amazing! So beautiful, I am not sure what to say. Going on my favorites list to read again and again. So beautifully done. Hugs, Tisha -
great lyrics
Very well done, I forgot were they lyrics? should be anyway, wish I could hear the tune, sad in a mellow laid back way, sorta like mood indigo. Graphics well done also. Loved it Susan. Thanks for your comment on Ms. Wind you were the first to catch it, even before I was done selecting tha bkg. Won't you visit me hon? I'm just around the corner at tha Cafe Rougue.
Edited on May 29, 5:46 p.m. because 'x'. -
beautiful write again, flows so smoothly too and great rhyme scheme, terrific talent here.
sadness, is sometimes good to bring into focus, sometimes it does the heart good to have that cry, it's good to have somethng that triggers it. -
Wow, really strong poem, one of the best that I've ever read on here. You have a real talent
Great rhyme, Great layout, Great atmosphere, this poem is the total packages, thank you for sharing your gift
Steve -
It captures the mood of the song you describe. Haunting, sad. Very well written. Good rhyme. One question: on the 6th line did you mean to write through instead of though?
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Beautiful! Lonely days and lonely nights. Like a song you can't get out of your head, a memory continues to haunt. Great (though sad) read.
CT
On the 6th line, was that suppose to be heartache through? -
this poem was really great. and i enjoyed how you kept the rhyme scheme flowing. and thank you for the comment on my poem.
Edited on May 18, 4:43 p.m. because 'just because'. -
Any poem that revolves around music can hook me pretty quickly, and the consistancy in teh rhyme scheme that you used in this poem was quite good. It was a well written piece - nice job. And thank you for the comment.
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jeeze Jen you must be kookoo, thats courage, I am like terrified to relive those moments, that is like the worst torture ever, anywhos Susan, this was a very moving write, I so hope you aren't tormenting yourself like poor Jen does :(( but if you are I send you a giant hug to make it a wee bit better and I hope you may cherish in a happy moment somehow the memories you are thinking of if you are tormenting yourself,
great big hugs sweety,
Most sincerely,
joe -
sometimes I torture myself and pop in a cd that someone made me once, and sit and listen and cry for hours....songs bring back feelings of the moment, smells, sounds.....its incredible
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OMG I know this feeling well. Music is a powerful thing, even more than simple words. I have always thought of lyrics as poetry.
They spoke of pain and lonely times,
Of heartache though their simple rhymes
Though darkness bought a poignant peace,
It could not make the music cease~
There are some songs I cannot even bare to listen to because of the emotions that come with it. Beautiful picture too
Red -
This is really beautiful (sorry to repeat everyone else but its true!!) When you're sad or alone music really does draw you in and get you thinking.
The lines really flow, and the kind of slow, thoughtful tone reflects the mood you describe.
Nice one
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6stars none the less
Beautiful Susan, simply beautiful. This is one of your finer poems i must say. Decadent,yet, oh so innocently delightful in every way. Keep it up ya hussy.
Edited on May 15 because ''. -
5 Stars indeed
Very nice! I like it tremendously! I think my melancholy seems contagious.
Thanks for the gift. It is truly a great read.
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oh wow hun!!! I loved this one, I was listening for the song. You are a talent for sure. Fabulous job on this one hun, blessed be
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Haunting
Hi Susan
This is a haunting, dark moving write. As I read this piece it unfolded as an old movie with a haunting background song playing as that narative was spoken. The images were very clear in this piece. Thank you for sharing it with me, and thank you so very much for your lovely comment on my piece "In Revorie Of Spring"
~Johnny -
a most bittersweet write. very beautifully done. reminded me of learning to live life for the future and not dwell on the past but cherishing every memory ever made. Excellent write love.
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FABULOUS! BEAUTIFUL! I LOOOOOOOOOOOVED IT!!!
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A good write for a lonely night--I liked it.
Damon D. Brewer -
You have a certain way of wording this piece, brings to mind how a song itself can really have a great impact/effect with all them lyrics and the memory it especially holds. So very wonderfully penned, a remarkable piece~
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Susan - -
\Hey girl!!! This one is a masterpiece for sure, and dealing with my second favorite topic and love in life - - Music!!! You so captured the essence of the feel of a song, especially a song that is special to two people who are no longer a couple, and how that song can make the pain of a gone relationship just live on and on and on and ...............awesome
Edited on May 13 because ''. -
oh i love this it was so very wonderful and so very very true. i love the way that your words flow like a runing stream. this was just absolutely wonderful poem my friend. thank you ever so much for shareing it.
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do not touch
What a beautiful soulful write . I know this came from wayyyyyyyyy deep inside . You were able to make the reader feel the pain , hear the lyrics and sense the mood of this ............take care Susan
much love
Reenie -
Yes, music feeds the soul...
Music is such a big part of our lives... all it takes is a few simple key notes to transport us back in time, to help us heal when we are wounded, to express out joy when we celebrate... music is always there. -
Great, Blush! Your poem is a haunting melody all on its own. Wonderfully phrased and metered!
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Perfect
Oh my goodness, what an awesome piece, I just thought Wow!
This could be a hit, in my eyes it is a hit!!!
Susan, you out did yourself on this masterpiece, and I'm glad you did, heehee, for I love this!!!
Thanks so much for featuring it, or whoever did, because I just might have missed it, that will teach me to think twice for not checking in to read your awesome poetry now won't it!!!
Thanks for sharing your talent, I really enjoyed this write lots!!!
Keep posting, I'll keep an eye out for U, Pen on friend!!!
~Timothy~ -
Susan that was so melancholy and just so beautiful reading this reminded me of going out to a jazz club and well having to go home after it is all over and its closing time
Your picture is beautiful too you always find the perfect pics
~~Dawn -
wow susan, it rhymed the whole way through so wonderfully, like wow, i could never keep a rhyme going that long without it getting annoying and forced, but wow, i loved it:)
and it was such a sad poem too:( song lyrics can be oh so very powerful and leave their mark...it's just sad when you are more aware of your lonliness because of it:( and even worse when the lonliness doesn't go away:(
very good susan:)
kayla* -
Sus, have you been listening to the Blues?
This has a smokey, sexy, heartbreaking feel
that only low sweet Billie Holliday can make.
The kind of song that can make angels cry with
longing and pain. So smooth and soulful, yet
potent like a shot of whiskey. -
Amazing write, Susan:) Excellent rhyming, I loved the way you ended this:)
Love ya,
Karen
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Beautiful and haunting Susan sounded very much like a sonnet hon....excellent piece Love,Sherry
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This is an absolutely beautiful poem! Gorgeous! It has ryhming and flow! When you read it out loud it's like water in a stream!
Beautiful! Do write more! ~Thumbs up all the way!~ -
PS...I was just talking about miss Berstein here
about 4 hours ago...a coincidence...hmmmmmm -
Lovely poem sis and so very true. I derive alot of inspiration
from the lyrics of music. Especially older tunes. An listening
to Neil Diamond's "Stones" as I write this. There is often
seeds of truth in songs, so if you listen carefully to many
with understanding, they can help you understand the world
around you...Keep penning....
Hugs and love...Eddy -
Excellent!
This is wonderful, Susan. The picture is a great effect. I especially like this stanza...
The tune played in minor key
And helped the aching heart to see,
That no place are the words so strong
As in the lyrics of a song~
I love classical pieces in minor keys. A very enjoyable read. Thansk for sharing
~Kathy -
I know a couple songs that are haunting as well. Those songs can either fill me with bittersweet nostalgia or can make me cry. That was haunting, beautiful...damn I'm running out of adjectives. Anyway, definately an enjoyable read.
Abby -
full of melancholy beauty...
The tune made such a lasting mark
Upon the soul, there in the dark
While time must fade into the past,
The memory of the song will last~
this last stanza i felt was the best of all.. but all part of a great work. keep it up -
Such a wonderfully gloomy picture you paint here. I can almost feel the aching rhythm of the jukebox as it wails those mournful melodies into the night sky. You definitely know how to make a person feel as if they are truly inside your poetry and not just reading it from a monitor. Great job.
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Excellent! Enjoyed the read!
Beautiful, lyrical poem! Your poem is like the tune you can't get out of your head...it lingers after it's been read!
Love Ya, Sis!
< 3 Maureen
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Beautiful flow and word selection
This is great. made me think of an old patsy cline 45. played over and over. are you lonesome tonight?
("Elvis" 1961) Love and hugs to you sweetheart, hope it all works out for you.f
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Just excellent Hon*
beautiful}} beautiful}}
rhyme and flow was perfectly done
Bravo Sweety* ((EXCELLENT)) Piece
Love this one! could read this over and over
Such a pretty one!!
Love to You!! Susan~~~ Mina~
Must save this one!! Great job!! :)
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A magnificant piece
it a stong meaning
and even has a structure
a nice poem plus nice structure -
Excellent descriptions of a haunting melody. Love the ending 'the memory of the song will last,' indeed it will though we want it to fade it haunts us still. Great rhymes and word choice and flow and all that jazz. Enjoyed reading
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