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Echolalia

 

Stars are falling falling through the dark
and through the dark a strong wind thrusts and parries
a strong wind thrust and parries like a sword
thrusts and parries like a long broad sword
and like a long broad sword your words cut deep
your words cut deep and disconnect the tendons
disconnect the tendons of my trust
my trust which slacks and falls like quartered meat
which slacks and falls like quartered meat for sell

I reminisce on stars for some strange reason
for some strange reason I remember stars
I remember stars which fell and faded
which fell and faded in the long dark night
and in the long dark night we held each other
we held each other by curling sea
and by the curling see our toes were curled
our toes were curled with broken ecstasy
in broken ecstasy we slid to sleep

And stars are falling now from baring skies
from baring skies which deepen like a flood
which deepen like a flood of blackest water
of blackest water spread throughout my soul
spread throughout my soul like acid loss
an acid loss that eats away my trust
that eats away my trust until I'm left
until I'm left like bleached and barren bone
like bleached and barren bone devoid of life

 

 

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  • Scarlett 4
    November 26, 2006

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    i have been away from here for quite a while and have missed reading your original and moving work. can't really comment at length - although i would love to - because i am on a computor at work but will try and get back and do this poem proper justice.

    is this format/style of poetry of your own creation like the hybridanelle? (don't know whether i spelt that right or even got the right word - like i said, been while since i read your stuff)


    • Zahhar gold member
      November 26, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Scarlett,

      It's nice to see you again. I guess in a way this is a creation of mine. Technically it's blank verse, but I was really just goofing around with the concept of echolalia. I did derive the content from personal experience, but the structure was purely impromptu, inspired after reading an article about the perceived differences, historical to contemporary, between verse, prose, and poetry. during this article echolalia was mentioned and I found the idea so interesting and pertinent to poetry in general that I decided right there to write something off the top, and then went back to reading the article. I'm actually amazed by the positive response this poem has received. This gives me something to meditate on. I might play around with this concept further to see what sort of content ends up drawing approval or disapproval within this kind of structure. Would be educational for me.

  • Siren Iron Beauty
    November 25, 2006
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    Ohh wow............*crying, very emotional* Sorry!

    That! That is poetry! The way you said it (oh God) mmmm its almost like it was saying it goes on, more than words forever. I think this one is my favorite. However I cant say that! I do love this one though. We all know it hurts when we share of give parts of ourself to the world or when and.................hurt! Betrayed, alone and left. Used! Wow! you everything so perfectly. I wont say keep it up, cause no way youd stop. HAHHAH!

  • Kay Laon Anders
    November 25, 2006
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    Awesomeness

    Hey I don't think I have ever seen this style in your work before...the whole repetition of lines then adding a few more words in the next line...this style works for this piece big time...it has an emotional effect ...on me atleast anyways...lol

    What I get from this is pretty obvious... you lost trust in someone you cared for deeply and it has scarred you...or the character..whoever..lol..great write Mr. Thomas...

    Bravo Encore Encore!!!! Translation : Wonderful Again Again!...lol

    KAY