An Islamic sliver of moon rises-- a scythe without a hammer.
In the Indian-corn-blue sky of early evening--
She moves around with eyes painted on her eyelids
selling yellow Sunday newspapers from summers ago
while Italian lights shine nostalgia from storefront windows.
New England liberals pass
dragging their children through cafes and shopping malls,
wrapping them in heavy coats and long scarves dragging them in from some infinite expanse--
as if streaming them through blue cathode tubes.
Earlier, on a fall afternoon
she slept a dreamless sleep at the reading window of the Brookline Library,
The Nation crumpled in the lap of her wool coat.
her bones ache, though the dank of summer has left
and her mind, is stilled--
the sky being so blue, so cold and cloudless;
The world, has suffered too
much is too old beneath her t.v. screen eyes;
she has nothing to reveal now.
No, like a scarf or a cold gust of autumn leaves she envelops us,
repeating all other leaves and blues;
plunging us back again from some infinite expanse.
Far, not too far, from the frozen plasma images
of football and presidents and insurgencies,
she bums a cigarette
and lights the night's first
in a blue nicotine glow.
Here in the freeze frame of the first puff,
in the smoky delta of chemical haze lifting,
or, far away, in the penetrating silence before a roadside bomb,
before the scuttling of daughters and sons, mothers and fathers,
before the maiming of sisters and brothers,
on the night after the holiday,
not long after she's taken her tattered things and left,
the streets and newspapers
the cigarette buts, and broken televisions
gently streams,
the watery soul of America
through leaf-clogged drains and pine chimneys.
A contest entry
- The Power of Thoughts by parasol.
1500 points, ended July 21, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Love You [show me your best] by thelovesongwriter.
800 points, ended July 29, 2007, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewritten Poem by Aralyn Leighanna.
330 points, ended October 2, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! by Nam.
425 points, ended October 23, 2007, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be ready for real CRITICISM........ by algoressister.
500 points, ended November 11, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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stunning, social realism of the Edward Hopper kind. Love this. Especially the colours, the Italian lights, and the dreamy flow of the progress of the poem that manages to take me from Islam to New England, from Vietnam to the Middle East, and back to American suburbia.
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Hi,
This is an interesting piece, I found myself feeling somewhat confused though....Several times you switch from a first person point of view to ?second......Earlier, on-- a fall afternoon in the Nation,
at the reading window of the Brookline Public Library, I sat and looked out
remembering the summertime,
“Far, not too far away, you light the night's first
in a blue nicotine glow.”
Then in this place are you saying? “I light the.....”
“your first puff”....Is it meant to be “My”
As you can see, it can be confusing and possibly make your subject unreachable.
Your imagery feels like a grainy black and white photo. (I like it) and I could read a lot into the symbolism......the cigarette, the TV....
You have walked a pretty fine line here between being out of reach (obscurity), and a damn fine write.....hope you find this helpful, thanks for contributing......TTFN Love Laurel -
Great imagery hear a powerful write congrats on the honorable metion and good luck Be ready for real CRITICISM
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"in a blue nicotene glow." - "nicotene" would be "nicotine".
Other than that, I found this to be a nice, quiet, social piece. Do not find too many of those these days.
A good poem that you have written here.
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good lord what incredibly imagery, this painted such a clear picture in my mind, i adore it. you had mentioned this poem in the last peice of yours i read, so i had to find it, and im so glad i did. you have an incredible way of making people see the seemingly mundane with magic. thank you for sharing such awesome work.
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Your peice is moving and very lovely, but I am afraid you do not qualify due to the lack of following the last rule.
Thank you for your interest It was a brilliant piece and I enjoyed reading it!
Live and Let Live,
Aralyn -
Powerful, well written, and creative. All that and I'm not really sure what your point was. Interesting.
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Great
Has so much packed in it. Great imagery "Plunging us back again from some infinite expanse--
revealing all joys and sadnesses beyond hope and anxiety.' You have captured life in your poem and said a lot without going overboard.
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This poem had a very round-about way of achieving a wonderful goal, and you achieved it completely. By not immediately going out in the first few lines of the poem and saying HERE IS MY POEM ABOUT AMERICA you were able to create a subtle and nuanced (although a bit cliched at times... new england liberals?) mosaic of this sometimes great country. Of course the ever present American Television made an appearance, and your description of smoking was vivid and familiar, which led to the final blending of images, and was absolutely delightful. This final stanza, our watery soul, was such a forgone conclusion due to your well paired and fleshed out sets of descriptions that it was almost a limp the finish. I love the slow glide to completion at the end of the poem.
You have created a wonderful story here, woven it together from impossibly different stories, much in the same way we all find ourselves in this strange place of a nation. I am not quite sure how we all got here, nor am I sure how I stumbled upon this poem; but I am glad to have ended up in both.
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This was very powerful. The imagery and details were good. I like how you included different parts of the world. This was very creative and well written. My favorite line was the ending. It said so much. This was a great piece.
Thank you for your entry. Good luck in my contest.
- Andi
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I loved this poem so much, it read almost as a story. You paint your images so well. Reading this was very unsettling, I hate war and hope it ends soon. Best wishes.
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very well done, this is absolutely fantastic. great imagery. its extremely vivid, very beat. i can't imagine this being better phrased than it is.
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An amazing write but it reads more like a story. I think it needs to be trimmed a little. Some of the not so needed words taken out. All in all a good write. Well done keep them coming and blessed be.
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An interesting piece ... i have read this a few times it kinda overloads but that is ok tis late at night here...very descriptive which vividly portrays the visualizations has everything but I probably lost a few things in the translation or misunderstanding of the importance.
thank you for the read
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very nice
I really enjoyed reading your work.very nice prose.I found it to be sad, but that's just me. I think it was well wrtten and flowed nicely. Good work. Keep writing!
Carolyn -
Great prose poetry
Very good example of prose poetry - telling of a story through free verse; not sure if all the ... are needed though. Check gl,ow -; also not sure of the --; double space after night's first. Interesting title as well.
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