Nostalgic waves drown me in an ocean,
of crystal tears that lash the shore.
Serenading myths of conquered emotions,
as sublime illusions rumble and roar.
Alabaster shadows of my infernus mind;
decompose wraiths of my irreverent past.
Amidst naive men, my thoughts are blind...
Let remnants of this lucid cinder last.
Many hundred deaths I've died to reach,
I scorn the blood of this rosy thorn
Not all is lost in this chromatic beach
Sweeping ghosts run amok and mourn.
Let me free, let no blindness prevail
Let me glisten like aquamarine hues
like a painted ship with towering sails;
in floating musky mists enliven a ruse.
Let epitaphs diminish memoirs of iniquity
And toxicity recede to a small measure
Let it be surpassed with love and pity
For life is an artists priceless treasure...
Author notes
Picture by Brentbat
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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Oh, woe is me, that I should have to endure such talented writing tonight! lol I tried to come up with something I didn't like about this piece, but I'm afraid the only critique I can give you is the backround--didn't like it. The pic is beautiful and wolves just didn't go. But other than that, I am unable to criticise this piece in any way, so alas, I shall tell you what I told the other two (This trend is going to get me charged with spamming.
) "If you choose to enter another piece, let me know and I will reopen the contest for you to submit a new one, otherwise, this one will stand as is, and will be a good competitor for gold, I assure you. I apologise for my lack of a critique...
P.S. If you do chose to keep this one in, just comment on the contest page to say "editted" anyway, as I am not bothering with writes that did not attempt to do so. Thx " -
I love the rhyme in this! Imagery also magnificent. I'm not normally one for fantasy, but it's very nicely done.
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Artistic and has a great flow. Thanks for entering this vivid poem in my contest
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This is exceptional, flawless rhyme and wonderful flow make this one a keeper.
Hugs, Bunny
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Thx for the wonderful comments
Glad u liked them 
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excellent
THIS IS SO WELL CRAFTED.I'M NOT ESPECIALLY INTO RHYME BUT YOUR WORDS ARE SO CLEVERLY PUT TOGETHER THE MEANING AND IMAGERY ARE HELPED BY THE FORM OF YOUR VERSE.SO MANY GREAT LINES TOO.WRAITHS OF MY IRREVERENT PAST. WHAT AN IMAGE. THIS IS QUALITY WRITING.
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Thx for the wonderful comment Glad u liked it
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Liked the metaphor in these lines, the flow, rhythm and rhyme as well. Great verbiage used here too.
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The way this rhyme flows and the meter, I know you can easily do a sonnet. It's very hard for me to do iambic ...takes lots of work so I admire this. Oh and you've been Hoodwinked!!!
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Hoodwink!
I'm not really into rhyming poetry - at least, when the rhyme isn't done properly - but you however seem to have learned the skill of rhyme very well
There's also a vast and steady rhythm in this piece and that's what made me enjoy this even more!
Again, a word I had to look up but I don't mind at all lol.
To finish this off, you have some great, dark imagery again! well done!
Leander -
HOODWINKED!
So beautiful are these words ... I can see why you have won more than one trophy, well deserved indeed!
You have just been ambushed by a member of the Poetic Bandits... enjoy your day!
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Excellent
You are an excellent poet, this is a beautiful piece of writing. Age has nothing to do with talent and I agree. You are definitely "wise" in your own right.
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Incidently ...
you obviously have a lot of talent for writing. Don't give up on it, whatever you do, but watch for errors when submitting poems. I know many editors that would publish this. Actually "Tales of The Talisman" just might. A lot of web-based magazines would for sure. -
I'm a sucker for poems with big words... nice ethereal tone...
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congratulations
congratulations to winning a beautiful green trophy for your graceful poem, dear mark.
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Great job!
1. rules followed: 10
2. poetic power, is your write memorable: 7 A soft, lulling power is in this write. It’s one of those poems I’d like to read before sleeping to reassure myself that it is possible to overcome anything at anytime, including in dreamland.
3. Creativity, how creative is your write: 7 Excellent language use. You’re nota afraid to use your vocabulary and I like that. I prefer poetry with an intellect.
4. Fluidity, did it read well or did I stumble through the reading: 8.8 Nice flow, longer lines attribute to a lulling, slow and enjoyable reading place.
5. how well did you do using tropes: 8 Terrific use of tropes.
Total: 40.8
Great job! * hug*s and best wishes always… ~Genie~
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i love the title, very fitting!
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Wow, this is really pretty and I loved the fantasy in this. Nice to see something that's not dark in my contest. Your rhyming and flow were dead on. Loved the imagery and feelings I got from this. Ending is very interesting and got me thinking. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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trying too hard to make this good
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Great! I loved all the types of writing you used, my favorite was the metaphors. This was wonderfully worded.
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Outstanding
Really powerful work. Can possibly be one of the best composed work I've read in this site.
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really good
I thought is was good...an enjoyable and engaging read where I must think about it. Thanks. -
this is a very nice poem, well written, flow is beautful, metaphors are nice, but i notice that every write of yours i read is a rhyming piece. i understand rhyming is your strong point, but i would like to read something in another style from you. i dont feel like sifting through your poetry, because i know most of them rhyme and im impatient...i would like to see more variety as far as style and form. I believe in your talent for as young as you are, but this form with you is quite repetitive. maybe send me the link to another piece thats not in rhyme form? good luck in this contest-this piece is amazing.
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Wow this was very good. Some words I didn't understand really lol but the rest of it just seemed to pulse past it. It was very beautiful. How long did you work on this?
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I think about half an hour Thanks for the comment
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Very Good!
I enjoyed this write, the rhyming is perfect and the rhythm is as well, the only bone I can pick is that the punctuation seems hit or miss, I feel it should be either consistent or nonexistent, great write though
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Quite good considering that you used all those word bank words. I have a bug in my bonnet about word banks and am writing a column on the subject. Basically, I will point out that one can produce a better work of art if one is not forced to use words that are not useful for expressing ones ideas; word bank poems are solutions to puzzles where art comes in second. It is sort of like composing piano music using a limited number of predetermined keys. It might sound good, but one could do better without the constraint.
Instead of "inferno" you used the Latin root; it that kosher? ( Don't know Latin, found it in the dictionary. ) -
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Actually contrary to your statement I like word banks for it's a challenge to fit those words and weave your poem around it and nearly always enhances the poem (Unless the word bank is stupid)As for infernus I made up my own word
(Why shouldn't I, Shakespear did that all the time )
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I don't doubt that you enjoy word banks; many do and I am not trying to persuade others to stop using them, any more than I would try to persuade others to stop doing crossword puzzles or sudoku. However, I personally don't enjoy crossword puzzles, sudoku, or word banks.
Enhances? That's hard for me to understand. Couldn't you produce a better poem if free to choose the words? If not, why not?
It is certainly OK for poets to invent words, but it so happens that the ancient Romans invented that word long ago. It is the Latin word that gave rise to our English word inferno, which you didn't use. I was wondering whether it was considered OK to modify words in a word list.
When one invents a word, it is possible that it might already exist and mean something different from what one intends, but you didn't have that problem this time.
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A truly beautiful poem.The thought and effort you put into this was outstanding.Really a wonderful write.
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Excellent!
A truly vivid write. The images are as potent as nostalgia itself. Very effective and great use of words too.
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Thanks for the wonderful comment and aplauds
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Oh wow! This is absolutely beautiful. I don't know which words were actually in the bank, but the final result is breathtaking. The description that builds the imagery, the rhyme, just everything! Best of luck on the contest... though I doubt you'll need it.
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Thanks for the wonderful comment
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the vocablulary that you employ in this piece is simply beautiful.
the imagery is also fantastic.
all in all a beautiful piece.
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fantastic
I like your poem very much Mark, it has so much emotions in it, you have used the word bank well.
Good luck in the contest.
Joanna.
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Thanks for the wonderful comment
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uh, it rhymes...yay? Very colorful language. What a very deep and vibrant mind....a psychotic and lucid dream...is this how you really feel? Is this your personal mind sea
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Ahhh..
You may bring me back to rhyme yet my friend. Beautiful flow, and the depth of language is extrodinaire. Well done! Thanks for redeeming rhyme for me.
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Then I would like to see a rhyming poem from you Thanks for the wonderful comment
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Excellent!
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the last line...... a quote everyone should know and love..... its perfectly amazing!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks you for the wonderful comment and applauds
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Intriguing!
Fabulous imagery in this write, Mark! Very vivid and it flows with such ease. Absolutely beautiful. Noticed a typo - diminish. Most well written from this word bank. Great job! Best of luck in this contest!
~Lori
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Thanks for the mention, I fixed that and thanks for the wonderful comment
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This was really interesting to read, I liked this very much the flow was nice. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Thanks for the wonderful comment
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this is really great and i actually understood it, lol
really nice imagery and flows perfectly!
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Thanks for the wonderful comment I'm glad that you understood it
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