A suppressed clandestine released
Smothered with uncertainty
A message potentially too late
Accountable for the word's repercussions
Perturbation has set in
Perplexed by the conversance
The perpetual intensity, shared
A contest entry
- spill ink by the chase.
600 points, ended November 28, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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very good
a deep and very creative write, just what the contest seems to be asking for so i wish you good luck and thank you for sharing this very abstract write,it needs to be read with care and attention or the meaning does not come clear but still that is what is expected of you here so very good work
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Elenore,
My biggest problem with this is you open with improper grammar. Clandestine is an adjective, not a noun, although it is a synonym for secret, not as a noun, you could put in clandestineness and make it work but that is even more verbous than you already are and it is clear it isn't very well commanded.
jim -
Beautiful poem, so profound and poetic. absolutely delivers sad emotion,i feel words flowing through each line. Great poetry, and good luck in the contest
White diamond
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I don't understand some of the comments on your work.
Anyway.
I like the vocabulary and the imagery. I'm reminded of the scene in Forest Gump when he's watching the feather float down. Had words been put to that scene.. I don't know. Thank you for your entry. -
Thought Provoking
Abstract, yet powerful. You have expressed a cosmos of thoughts in 7 short lines. Kudos to you! This is very good. Best wishes in the comp!
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You have created exactly what the contest required... I looked at this contest, and I knew it would be too much of a mind challenge for me...
But you have created a brillant write...well done
good luck in the contest... gold in my eyes
Tracey -
deep in vocab
I must say its short but captivating im still not overly sure what i have read, and i must be onest i did have an online dictionary up just to check some words. You have intersting poems i would love to see more of them.
Maybe message me when you have them.
Thanks for sharing.
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a clean but not usable?
Elenore (provincial?),
"White Feather" has a detachment set forth that can't rejoin.
a clamming up has come through clammy hands now :
"A suppressed clandestine released"
A slacked listening :
"A message potentially too late"
slackens as flattened when fot fuller than was flattering.
There's a me too between them that isn't crescendoing like Haydn's #62 symphony but isn't even hats off to you in blankness of :
"The perpetual intensity, shared"
These were my favorite lines that viscerates instead of just offiates that something obfuscates.
It all reminds me of miscommunications and subjective objectives like 'did I hear right, he brought up Tina, *that's what I want*... or vagued movement by my dad and I've projected thought since, \oh great I hate my daught on my death bed/'
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this is so wordy, it seems to have twisted itself up in vocabulary to the point where the real meaning is obscured, but the sounds of the words create a delicate picture of what the meaning is, but not enough to replace it entirely.
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Beautiful
So very profound and abstract, molded into a poetic way that makes it absolutely beautiful. This poem surely delivers a message of grief and sadness. I can just feel the emotion reaching out at me. Great write, hun. Good luck in the contest.
~Crystal
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