I am selfish.

I am selfish and materialistic. I take things for granted. I complain when I really should be counting my blessings. I hurt people that are closest to me. I gossip and compare myself to others.I want things that other people have, and pay no attention and do not show appreciation to what I have. I willingly and readily put crap in my body but find many healthy foods repulsive. I sit on my ass on the computer just to throw away another beautiful day.

I am guilty of all these things. Its not fun to admit it. I'm not proud of it, but what kills me the most is this:

I was watching television at work when I came across a true-life documentary of people who's SKIN could kill them.

A little girl, around the age of 8, lives everyday knowing it could potentially be her last. Her face seems almost well, faceless. Her skin looks like it could just peel off like wax- like it had been melted and then dried back on her body. she faces hospital visits, surgeries and siezures for the rest of her short life.

She will never be able to attend public school, have children, have a job, travel, ect... She has to be taken care of everyday by her mother and father.

While I watched this, I felt small...Who wouldnt? Here I am complaining about a job, and hating school, when I should be thanking GOD that I am able and healthy to do such things.

But thats not what kills me the most. It breaks my heart to know that i am or have done all these horrible things, yet I still have a great life. While this little girl, who is already and will always be a million times better person then I will ever hope to be,  has to go through hell everyday of her life.

Ironic.unfair.

BUT this little girl will also lead a more fulfilling life than most because...

She knows the meaning of life. She understands and appreciates every bit of life because she knows that she is lucky to be alive for just one more day. The end of everyday is a victory for her solely b/c she made it ONE MORE DAY. 

In a way she is lucky, but its still not fair. Its just not right.

...and here I am, complaining about being in school for the next 5 and half years. I should be excited to be given the opportunity. i should be excited that i am able to plan 5 years ahead.

I guess what i'm trying to convey to you all is...

I am not proud of things i've done or said. I am NO WHERE NEAR perfect, nor do I want to be. but if there was one thing I could choose to be...I would choose to be just like this little girl:

Full of life and thankful for every moment, the good and bad, because those are still MY moments.