If Tears Could Build A Stairway
atop the mountain, cold and dark
alone in solitude
upon the ground that’s damp with tears
reflection of life’s mood
with the secrets kept inside
whispers silent in her mind
pain from years of torment
on the mountain with chains that bind
winds that speak of promises
broken words she’s heard before
trust not given freely now
that privilege must be earned
to gain a place beside her
run the gauntlets that she’s set
confident in the steep mountain’s slopes
difficult she’ll be to get
if tears could build a stairway
to your prison in the sky
their essence forming footholds
to ascend the mountain high
built upon the weeping flow that
for years escaped your eyes
take my hand and follow me down the stairs
from your prison in the sky
no more lonely nights
no longer darkness-bound
cease the rain of flowing tears
that gathers on the ground
escape the mountain’s eternal night
that’s kept your spirit prisoner for so long
leave your chains behind, I’ll carry you back
to the life where you belong
if tears could build a stairway
to your prison in the sky
their essence forming footholds
to ascend the mountain high
built upon the weeping flow that
for years escaped your eyes
take my hand and follow me down the stairs
from your prison in the sky
Author notes
This piece is about overcoming the past and placing your trust in someone when you really have a hard time trusting. It's meant as a hopeful piece, and one that will raise the spirits.
I wrote this for a woman near and dear to me. She is a brilliant lady with so much to offer, yet is afraid because of her past. A common theme, I agree...but one that so many can relate to.
For some reason, I am seeing Axl Rose singing this in a sort of power ballad. Call me nuts lol...but that is what I see
A contest entry
- Another Options Contest by irishpoet16.
450 points, ended November 2, 2006, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel... by Avendesora Dreamer.
800 points, ended March 26, 2007, 25 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! Seriously ANYTHING! by A Murderous Lament.
390 points, ended April 2, 2007, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥x♥ Lyrics ♥x♥ by xxRainbowDawnxx.
420 points, ended September 11, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Emotionally Uplifting
When i came across this write, i think time stood still for a moment. A reflection of my own life is mirrored in this piece. Thank you for the reminder & encouragment to move forward during a time in my life when I started falling backwards! The person you wrote this for is very very lucky to have you as their friend Thanks again! By the way, you're very talented
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Although a negative write on negative feels, I thought the write was quite refreshing. It reminds me of just trying to cleanse all you have done wrong and all that is going wrong. I know it's a little random with the topic of the write, but it comes to me that being atop such a thing as a mountain is looking down on the world and all it's wordly assets and traits, including yours. It's always important to start anew and trust yourself and others [when they earn the trust that is].
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was this a winner in a quickie contest?
that is the only requirement here -
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oops...gold winner, but not in a quickie...let me get it out. sorry!
I'll find one that took gold in a quickie if you still have spots available
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Wonderful
Beautifully and sensitively written with a beautiful poignant theme ... well worthy of the gold trophy. Congratulations.
Bazza
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Thank you very much Bazza. I have to admit that I'm stunned at being awarded the gold for this. I'm at a loss for words at the moment, so I'll just say thank you again.
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Fantastic! This has an excellent lyrical rhythm that holds strong through the entire piece. Your imagery is divine and the emotive lines speak volumes. Simply an wonderful write!
~Lori
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A comment like yours, from a poet as astute as you...it means alot. I'm pleased that you liked this Lori, and I look forward to more at the inkwell
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It just breathes and sings, My favourite stanza was the third one. very sad but hopeful.
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I like that stanza too. If this was a song, that would be the chorus. I'm very partial to this write myself...it has special meaning to me. I'm very glad that you were able to get something out of it.
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Stunning! This is a very solid poem from start to finish... i wonder what keeps this mistress chained in the sky. Oh and one last note, thank you for inspiring the topic of my first contest, i'll hold it when i manage to build up enough points!
Cheers
-Mal
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Thanks for such an awesome comment on this write. The chains are actually ones of her own, and only she can break free of them.
What will the topic of this contest be? You've piqued my curiosity lol. Perhaps I can offer you some points as well... -
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The contest would be an open contest, no pre-writes, to resurect my cold dead icy heart comparable to the affect your poem had on me just after reading it. Not by means of say love letters to me or anything overly cheesy, just some sincere beautiful poetry.
-Mal
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Absolutely beautiful! I loved the second stanza, and I could completely relate to that poor captive, cloistered there in the prison she fashioned to protect herself. Lovely flow and phrasing!
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I am happy to say that the woman who this was written for is doing wonderfully now. She's an inspiration to me in so many ways. I can't say that she's fully down from her high mountain yet, but she has most certainly taken some MAJOR steps. I'm so proud of her I'll be here for her too, when she is ready to take every single step along the way.
Thank you for such a shining comment on this write. Coming from anyone in the inkwell, it means a great deal
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This definitely had and still does have great impact on me...brings tears to my eyes....ughhhh....My hero, my knight in shinig armor....definitely makes me feel...i will always cherish this...xoxooxoxox...in my heart always i hold you!
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Awwwwwwwwww...don't cry Julie. The words still ring strong and true for you now, as they always did. The stairway leading off the mountain is there, and when the time is right for you, take the hand I offer you. We'll walk down together just the two of us.
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oh wow, how on earth did you know which cord to pluck that would resonate so in my heart? it felt like you were speaking just to me....awesome write
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This is an absolute stunning piece..WOW..I'm completely impressed...It's so visual, and well just gorgeous in every way....
Love~~~~Dusty
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Thanks Dusty I personally thought that it was at least worth a COMMENT from the judge...but I guess that was too much to ask the host. Ah well...being just 16, I can understand why I suppose LOL. This was the first, and last time I enter a contest where the judge is a child...live and learn huh
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I am afraid I am going to have to DQ because it does not match the option criteria. Sorry and thans for entering anyways.
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Breathtaking!
Beautifully written, heartfelt write. Great rhyming as well. Nicely done!
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Thank you for such a nice comment on this poem. It's one of my favorites that I've written, and it holds special meaning for me.
The woman for whom this was written is someone I cherish and adore completely. She's the keeper of my heart and dreams, and she means the world to me.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it
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Stunning
One of the best you've ever written.
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Thank you Silky...you're too kind to me
thanks for the comment & applause
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Stunning
One of the best you've ever written.
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Beautiful!
Awe, this is soooo sweet and loving! I loved this verse:
no more lonely nights
no longer darkness-bound
cease the rain of flowing tears
that gathers on the ground
escape the mountain’s eternal night
that’s kept your spirit prisoner for so long
leave your chains behind, I’ll carry you back
to the life where you belong
*This poem has captured what love is really all about! I loved, loved, loved this!!! Great job!
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You're such a doll for this comment. I do enjoy writing for contests that choose a title for you. This one really jumped out at me, so here it is!
Thanks for the great comment and the applause Nickki!! *hugs*
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Your first line, has drawn me in..... A vision is seen of a stairway...
You have written this well, great flow of words, your rhyming doesn't appear forced, it naturally glides
well done
good luck in the contest
Tracey -
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lyrebird
This really did flow well with no effort. I was inspired by someone very special. *one only need look above to see who*
My thanks for your kind words
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In My Opinio It's Very Touching And Deep I Love It
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Da Nyce
Many thanks for such a nice comment
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This is the one....
Bedroom Eyes...great imagery!!! I DEFINITELY can connect with this one....thanks for building a stairway...hopefully this gal will take some advice & your hand and come down from her prison in the sky!!! Keep up your GIFT! xoxoxoxo Julez
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Julie...
My hand is extended to you...just take it and come down from the dark place. Love you to pieces xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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This is an absolutely beautiful piece of poetry and such a turnaround from the one about the birthday gift I read yesterday.The imagery and emotion in the piece is flawless. I am so glad I read this today.That last stanza is the perfect ending. Well done, I loved this. Regards, Claire the chocolate fountain lady.
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recovering slowly
My thanks for this wonderful comment It IS quite a change isn't it? I like to think that I can be flexible enough to write in several differnt genre's. I thought this was a great contest to have, and this particular one jumped out at me.
Thanks again for the great comment
*I'm curious to know where the nickname "chocolate fountain lady" comes from
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wow...
This poem is so breathtaking, its just... wow. I loved the imagery, I can practically see it, like a music video in my head. You have a great imagination and the flow, format, and word choices are great and powerful. I simply loved this and wish you good luck in the contest.
jan -
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Thank you very much angsty. If you've got the music to set this to...we can make that video lol. Thanks again for your nice comment
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I thank you one and all for the kind words expressed here. All of these comments are greatly appreciated
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This was a great poem with a very solid flow to it. I didn't really connect very well with the poem, but that doesn't change the fact that the poem itself was not good. The rhyme scheme was nice, but reminds me sort of why i don't like rhyming poems. The title links up very well with the overall message in the poem, which is.
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This is a very nice piece of poetry. Keep up the great work. It seems as though you feelings are very strong i this piece. Keep it up, it's amazing
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I love an emotion filled write, I love the rhythm and rhyme and I definately love the message... If tears could build a stairway....
Karen -
Awesome
This is fantastic! Such emotions here penned beautifully, you should be very proud. This is a great write, good luck with the contest -
awww
aww i like it it has a meaning that i can figure oout but can't right down in words thr rhyming was well put to geather to and the chosen words that you put were great to good job smiles
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Thank you angel for your kind words Happy Thanksgiving too!!!!!
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