The biggest question in the universe, why
why live why die why tell a lie, when they say you're good as long as you try
why love, why hate, why act fake
why do we fear, why do we not, why ask all these question its just for ones sake
why be created, why be destroyed
why must we feel heart broken, over a lost war
why start a fight, that you know you will lose
why make the wrong decision, when you knew you could choose
why feel anger, when you know all is forgiven
why can't the world, be disease ridden
why ask why, when you know there's no answer
why even care, if you're in the world one second and then taken out like cancer
why read this, when you learn nothing at all
why write this, when i know people just pass it by like a wall
why must this world, be so small
why do we have to roam the streets being afraid of getting mauled
There is no answer, there is no truth
even if we did know it wouldn't be of any use
we live, we die
as we try not to cry
As the world revolves around the one question
WHY.
Author notes
*/shroom/*
A contest entry
- Society Propriety (Contest) by Night Phoenix.
700 points, ended November 30, 2006, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BE A VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS. by flaed.
1000 points, ended January 22, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
*/shroom/*
Comments
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nice
thw rhyme was great but heres a lesson to be learned not every poem has to rhyme cause wen you try to rhyme all the time you think more about wat word rhmes wit the last that you dont really write poetry nemore you write to make it rhyme not make sense (does that make ne since lol) you gotta just write and go wit the flow if it was meant to rhyme it will the flow and message was great the world does revolve around the whys but rarely the hows and break up lines cause in the attempt to rhyme you made some lines too long jus for the sake of the rhyme
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its about mushrooms?
sorry. not wat i wa looking for. good poem though.
i feel you'd do well if you tried again.
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Total Score: 5.5/10
Spelling and Grammar
"I"s!!! The letter "i" should be capitalized in reference to oneself! Commas would be nice, too, especially on the longer lines. You did in the fourth line, but not the second, where commas are also desperately needed.
SCORE: 1
Word Choice
It gets to a point where it's really redundant. The questions you ask aren't very deep, and you ask why too often. I think you could have made your point better asking less, and providing more insight, opinion, on specific topics in question.
SCORE: 1
Topic/Passion
It's so broken, I'm not sure what your ideas are. You mention things, yes, but you don't back yourself up at all on anything.
SCORE: 1
Form
The rhyme seems rather forced, and the lines get long to the point of distraction. I think you could have done much, much better here.
SCORE: .5
Reading the Rules
I see you tried.
SCORE: 2
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