This small burn etched in my veins
Left obscene, no one sees
This pain torn through my damp eyes
stains; brought from despair, no ease
Black holes of no hope
Leaves a morbid wrist,
Silenced with blood
At end, this lonely mist
The wretched sin
Love nor no love
Endless with time, I wait
For something I will never be, a dove
Come please,
Watch me slowly fall
Smile at my tormented body
For soon, you will see nothing at all
Author notes
So this one day, I decided I needed some icecream. I walked to this really little icecream shop, but it was closed! I was upset. So I walked all the way to a different shop, and it was open. The icecream was even better, because I didn't give up. =) That's my story. Haha.
A contest entry
- What Lies Beneath??? (A Dark Contest with many options) by Bruised.Roses.
375 points, ended December 10, 2006, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Poetry. by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
375 points, ended May 6, 2007, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please let me die i promise it wont hurt 3> by beautyamoungblades.
305 points, ended April 22, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darker Than The Abyss by DancingShadowCorpse.
900 points, ended September 20, 2007, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 7 Trophies or LESS. LOTS OF POINTS by God is my reality.
700 points, ended September 29, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The emo cliches... by AutumnsFlame.
1416 points, ended July 23, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - {This is} What HURTS the MOST ;; by Candy Morphine.
700 points, ended November 17, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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the last stanza was definatly the best.
i loved how it was written with increasing tension. -
Well, your rhyme was good, but the flow of it needs some work. The hardest thing to do when writing rhyme is to make the poem flow. It's not easy... you just gotta listen for the sylabols... Thank you for entering my contest.
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Definately different, i love how you put what you feel, and you weren't complaining. It takes a while to master that, and you have done such a wonderful job
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this was a great poem..i can really relate to this poem..it was very powerful and emotional as well and i can relate to the feelings of cutting keep writting your very talented
~Chrissy~ -
I can relate to this poem so much...and heheh it was an entree to my wifey's contest
it was well written and so full of pain...great job and keep writting
~Chrissy~ -
Come please,
Watch me slowly fall
Smile at my tormented body
For soon, you will see nothing at all
this line makes me jelous taht i havent written it >.<
good job at making me see through your eyes! i really like the fact that i can relate and that the emotion goes deeper then the words appear. -
I loved the opening stanza it's power really made the whole poem great and can relate to this set of thoughts I thank you for entering and good luck
~chrissy~ -
wonderful job
I loved the begining it had a dark allure and kept the flow....I love the ending it was blunt and beautiful I can relate to this in many ways.....and I thank you for such a wonderful write
good luck
~tasha~ -
REALLY dark
This was very interesting. I've never read anything quite like it, and I loved it! It's so creepy and ominous...and the words were placed quite well. Hope you do well in the contest!
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Very nice poem...In every hour, as a year, glaze my eyes, sopped with drear, and only one light guide my way, a knife to my skin at the end of each day! That's for you! lol good luck in the contesta. -Scott0-
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