In the course
of a forgettable
night, we held hands
and hoped the storm
would pass.
It was an easy
enough premise—just
survive the night
of barriers being
broken, our walls
and windows smashed
into little shards
of dumb, dumb
mental holes.
These were not the
beginnings of hope or
affectionate mystery—
they set the stage
for our half-hearted
closing-of-the-doors,
and when we left, we
knew the place
would just collect dust.
Author notes
Thank God for spiral notebooks; I have at least three or four at my immediate disposal.
In a list
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Very good
I absolutly love the way you write.
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Thank you.
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Nice
i love it
it is nice you like dust isee...lol
may i ask youa question why dust why not donkey on two feet dancin' aroud a rainbow???lol
goin' lalalalalalala...lol
anyways great poem
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Nic
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Nice
I love your poem that you have written!!!
May i ask you a question?
are you a muscician or a host for a tv show? lmao
nice i dont know what it is its either spiritiual
or its a really great poem LOVE IT!!!!!!! -
Outstanding 4 of 5 stars
this poem is great. the only problems i see with it are the huge sections of space at the begining and end of it. If it weren't for that, and some minor flow problems, this might have made it to the finalist list. -
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Care to mention what those "minor flow problems" are?
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holy shit. eerily awesome
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This was an intriguing read. I'm sitting here, tired, reading the poem and realizing that like everything in life, each day, each moment closes a door on a world of choices, a world of options that lie there and collect dust. What a great insight you have shared!
I like your imagery... it's just cool. You have a great way of wording things that I just think is cool. Anywho, I'll stop rambling now and say that I really enjoyed this poem quite a bit! Keep writing thought-provoking poems like that, and I'll have to come by just to see what I can get out of your works! Good luck in the contest!
-Ra -
Whatchoo talkin' bout willis? Who says you can't write. Sheesh, you commented and made it sound as if you've produced nothing but crap lately, and I click on your latest piece to find a great poem! Silly billy. The first two lines were hardly.. ahem.. forgettable. And that final stanza.... sigh. Now there's a stanza I wish I could claim as my own. It was absolutely loverly dear friend Now... go write some more :
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What I've thought of doing lately is finding interesting contests and writing stuff for them, perhaps allowing that spark to return on its own.
Also, you write better than me, so don't fret about not having that last stanza.
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Sometimes I hate your guts. Really. (okay, not really, but you get it) So, you have definetly heard of Ben Folds. You better have! And if you didn't, it's okay. Ben Folds is this amazing singer/songwritter, and he writes these songs (like "The Luckiest") that are so simple: for example, in "The Luckiest" he's just telling his wife how much he loves her. I mean, it should be pretty and love-like, right? It's a love song (he's also an amazing pianist, by the way...)! But...with such simple metaphors (What if I'd been born fifty years before you/In a house on a street where you lived?/Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike/Would I know?/Would I know?) he makes it so...amazing.
Like with your poetry. You take this simple idea: night and housing and sleep and whatever else...and make it into something amazing/extraordinary/beautiful. And it's a little haunting, but just enough so that I (/reader) isn't scared, but left with an intense impression. The impression I got: the sad feeling again. The profound, deep, core-sadness feeling.
Grrr. I hate you for being so amazing!1!!!!11!!11111!!1! *mad face*
Thanks for sharing.
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You do know how fun your comments are to read, right? Honestly, and I feel bad 'cause I've been lazy as hell and haven't commented on squat in a while. Well, that shall change tonight! Rawr!
Anyways, thanks for your cool insightful-ness. I've never heard of Ben Folds, but he sounds interesting.
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No, I really don't.
You need to tell me that more often and inflate my ego a little more.
Ben Folds...you will LOVE him. I don't know, a lot of his Ben Folds Five stuff is good, but I wouldn't really know seeing as I got his live album (top notch stuff, btw) for my birthday like...a month-ish ago? I'm pretty new to him myself, but my friend LOOOOOVES him, so I tried him out. And he makes me laugh/be insighful. He's insane! Go. NOW.
Other than that, stop being lazy. It's that you don't wash dishes anymore. Washing dishes built up your character, and now you're just...lazy. Like a lazy...person. Yup!
You're alllllllways a pleasure to read, though.
Except for the fact that I am completely hating your guts of suckingness right now.
(megaman!
)
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Hmmm...I usually don't step outside the realm of hard rock/metal/classic rock, but I might just have to check it out.
On another note, I just downloaded a song called "Mad World" that was originally done by Tears of Fears and later covered by Gary Jules (I downloaded the cover version). It was/is being used in a commercial for the new video game "Gears of War" and I loved its subtle, dark tone. You should check it out--it is goooooooooooooooooooood.
You're probably right about washing dishes and whatnot; all I know is, I've had trouble finding that spark for a while now. I need to get back into the whole swing of things. Yes.
Anywayz, how was your birthday? Did you get monies?
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