Like a wild animal
wounded and hurt
scared and confused
not knowing what comes next
she strikes again
beating and tarring
stabbing and slashing
causing all the pain
there is no stoping her
she pounds and hounds
on the innocent soul
never stopping, not holding back
slowly killing the spirit
sufficating, drowing
choking, poisning
the soul, she does not care
she wants it dead
she never holds back
she wont ever stop
she will get what she wants
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
WOW
Left me in a memory of my self it was very imotion filled! Just awsome!~Benji
-
OK
So, you attempted my style. Well, my love, you made a nice attempt. You do grab your audience. However, your hold is weak and breakable. You went wrong when you apply too many adjectives or verbs to replace one another. That technique is most effective when you use words that are not synonyms. Instead u want one level of intensity to replace enough, either getting larger or greater depending on the desire affect. The title is kinda weak and simplistic, no offense. As for the flow of the piece, because you replace adjectives or verbs one too many times it kinda made it choppy. The main good aspect of the piece is the overall image which is strong. Good try. Don't give up, it took me 6 years to develop my style.
~Kimberly~ -
-
thank you for your thoughts i was going for a choppy feel....i wanted it to feel messy....each line was to be read and pause and read the next line...i wanted the reader to soak up the whole poem....thank you for your thoughts they are helpful
-
Adding your comment:
