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Paw Prints in the Snow



A sheild of frost,
Protecting
Smothering
Stinging

I stand staring,
But the darkness
Gives nothing away

Swallowed,
Stolen,
Torn from me

In my dream
You came running back
Into my arms
Sunlight almost blinding me
Warmth,
When was the last time,
I was warm?

But now,
Now there is no sun
And summer,
Summer has surrendered
To the ice

Somewhere,
Far off,
The snow erases the blood,
Your blood
Your existence
It covers any trace
That you attempted to leave behind

I look to where
Your paw prints should have been

They should have devoured the snow
But where they should be
There is nothing

No sign of life,
No sign,
Of you...

With the snow
Goes my memory

With my memory
Goes the warmth that I felt
Once
  Upon
    A time.....

A contest entry

I'm experimenting with free verse, go easy on me 0:-)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • HerbalGoat
    February 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful poem, though it's an angsty poem. I found your use of punctuation interesting. You used punctuation when you'd want the poem to connect, and then when you'd want pauses, you didn't use any. Punctuations are used as such, so you might want to go over and possibly fix some of that up, but it's only a suggestion. I liked the feelings and emotions you put in here. Thanks for entering, and good luck.


  • teenagefailure
    January 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Somewhere,
    Far off,
    The snow erases the blood,
    Your blood
    Your existence
    It covers any trace
    That you attempted to leave behind
    Those are my favorite lines
    GOOD JOB!!!
    E~R~I~N


  • AIias
    January 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    neat

    i like this one a lot nice work


  • Kendall Campbell
    December 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Your experimentation may be something you should pursue further. Alliteration was well used and you took something that may usually would be deemed cliché "once upon a time" and made it work very well. Thanks for entering.


  • weirdsis amz
    December 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is really sad. i love it. its so filled with emotion and so beautifully written. congratulations on writing such a truely touching poem.
    keep writing this was an extraordinary poem and i want to read more like it.
    amz


  • Sky of Dreams
    November 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    OMG!

    Oh my gosh. This poem just gave me the chills when i read it! Very great choice of words! My fav line was: "With the snow goes my memory, with my memory goes the warmth that I felt one upon a time"

    Great write and good luck in the contest!
    Sarina


  • PetrifiedAfforded
    November 21, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    greyly felt

    FlurryOfDancingFire (spurt by spurt we know our warm heart, before which can seem cold flurries?),

    "Pawprints in the Snow" is qualitatively beautiful from the first chunk of scabbing portrayed in the itchy wintered-in exposure of weirder winds that leave us strips that settle to be wounding.

    Breakdowns of light affect our tabbing, to see a tabby again nothing bats through.
    The use of such a concealing pause as hibernations' causes is interplayed well with what personal plainness does. Carpeting the page with the scenes rather than rugging it off to the borders made it more absorbable.

    The premise of your missions for emotional vigors was put forth :
    "In my dream
    You came running back
    Into my arms
    Sunlight almost blinding me
    Warmth,"
    A thumbnail stanza, as brilliancy of embraces are felt but not the leniency of pets yet.

    The scratcher outer of times cascades can only do so for who hasn't seen or known bads :
    "Somewhere,
    Far off,
    The snow erases the blood"
    but you want it really deletable :
    "I look to where
    Your pawprints should have been

    They should have devoured the snow
    But where they should be"
    improvement can't be by pretending though!
    good progressions.

1 - 7 of 7