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How Often Not

How often not the sands of time indulge

In stolen heartbeats 'pon the moonlit shores,

Forever pleading seasons to divulge

Their open minds cast far against the core.

 

Seek refuge in the gentle, calming storm?

Wreak havoc on our ever mourning tongues?

Are these the questions posed in sacred form,

To make the breath return through barren lungs?

 

Unkempt are chances left for which we seek,

To better lives and judgement; to receive

A wand'ring, empty, soul-less body: meek,

Is what would be more easy to believe.

 

    So bitter are the rules by which we live,

    And die for which the hope we rarely give.

Author notes

Written on 22nd November 2006 at 00:57 GMT

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    October 28

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    An English(Shakespearean) Sonnet I presume? Very nice. I love sonnets Thank you for taking the time to enter. Excellent work and I wish you the best of luck in my contest.




    -Steve-


  • IndividualEleven
    January 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WOW, FANTASTIC!!!! love the form and the rhymes, loved how it flowed off my tounge as I read and was enchanted your words, this is incredidble, very descriptive and great use of vocabulary, well done and thanks for entering - Jacen an IndividualEleven. *1up*


  • rainwalker
    December 25, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely. Good rhyme and flow here.

    Thank you for entering and have a very merry christmas!
    ~ Laura


  • duana
    December 23, 2006

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    wow, your poetry has gotten absolutely, stunningly amazing! I mean it was always good of course, but this is just incredible. I guess all the hard work in those poetry classes really paid off! And your background for this is simply perfect. Some people just have talent, eh? Nice pic. It's interesting to see what people 'really' look like after already having an image in your mind. Happy Holidays to you!

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    November 26, 2006
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    A veautiful sonnet. s ~Genie~


  • Corey Harvard gold member
    November 26, 2006

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    Flawless meter! You know, I really have to tell you, whoever taught you must have known what they were talking about. I mean, to write a poem with such vivid language and still sustain your iambs... I really ought to meet that fellow one day. Surely he's one of the best instructors that ever...

    Okay, I'll stop. I'm not that conceited, I swear. A little proud, yes, but not of me . It can't be doubted, you completely comprehend the art of Scansion. I'm glad to see that you're still putting it to use.

    The content is delightful. You conveyed your ideas naturally and artfully. "'pon", in common diction, would be awkward. I know that you've tried other ways to resolve this, but it is the only line I'm struggling with. Perhaps "In stolen hearts..." or "In beating hearts...". It's entirely up to you.

    Regretfully, I'll have to withold my scoring input on the poem because I do have a means of being biased (having teached you in Master Meters). Not to worry though, I'm not adding up points, I'm averaging them. It's up to the other judges.

    Thanks for entering and good luck. Since I won't be scoring this myself, I will applaud you according to how well I think you've done . I haven't applauded anyone else in the contest so consider it a sentimental tidbit.


  • Fire N Ice
    November 26, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This is an awesome write, i love the pictures you create and the flow is like liquid gold, truley inspiring. what a wonderful gift you posses


  • Woodland Nymph
    November 26, 2006
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    Beautiful


  • Shakari
    November 26, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    omg

    I cannot believe that this is the first poem of yours that I have set sight on in a while. Actually, I've barely been on AP lately, but a sonnet?! It is the most beautifully written sonnet that I have set eyes on...better than that of Shakespeare's! Sonnets are a challenge, for you wish to describe so much and let your emotions take grasp of what must come out....but you have done all of that and if I were not a poet myself, I would not have realized it was of sonnet form. Your iambic pentameter was perfect and I love the fact that there was barely any inversion needed to get your words to phrase correctly. Keep up the great writing and may your holiday season be blessed!


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    November 26, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    what a gift

    after reading the other comments before I added mine, I find it hard to express an answer not already covered. your work is extremely well written, and has came from one who is obviously very talented in the art of the sonnet. I now know who to approach for advice when I try to produce an effort befitting to this rank of entry myself. thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece.


  • XxLiVeYoUrLiFexX
    November 26, 2006

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    Excellent

    This was so beautiful to read. Well done and keep up the amazing work! Take Care


  • Nra
    November 26, 2006

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    Very good!

    This I love! I love sonnets, the traditional kind of poetry, its beautifully rendered, well worded and has an excellent flow. Wonderful!


  • Southern Twilight
    November 26, 2006
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    and so I wonder....

    i dont understand it very well but im sure the meaning is strong and i loved how you wrote it and everything. im bad at commenting, but this was excelent, probably one of the best ones iv read this month.


  • ShelleyA gold member
    November 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful write. Heartfelt. Very good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Deep expression of emotion. Good word choice. Lovely rhythm. Well crafted and a most enjoyable read. Shelley

  • an3n
    November 26, 2006
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    Really really liked it!!! A beautiful poem. The thoughts and the questions you arise. The feeling the poem transfers to you. The use of words. All great. I also liked the last 2 lines "So bitter are the rules by which we live, And die for which the hope we rarely give."

  • onehappy1
    November 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    VERY NICE

    What a beautiful piece! I can't say too much because I have not written a sonnet, but you do it beautifully. I understand what it's trying to convey to us.It's all
    about how we live our life. Write on!

    Carolyn

  • ecrivain01
    November 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    not bad

    This line could be fixed easily:

    In stolen heartbeats 'pon the moonlit shores,

    In stolen heartbeats upon moonlit shores,

    and the rest of this seems to work fairly well for me. All in all, good job.


    • DefinitiveFreak silver member
      November 25, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your suggestion, but it wouldn't fit the iambic flow. I had tried your line first when I was writing, but the one I ended up using just seemed to fit better. Thanx anyway.


  • BleedingWords
    November 22, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    i cant applaud without commenting, but I've got nothing really to say, its a lovely peice but it's not a style that draws me in because i cant understand it easily.


  • Kain
    November 22, 2006

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    So beautiful is your pen

    This is your first piece in a long time, Laura. I know you wrote about eBay recently, but I do not class that as a 'poem'. This, however, entrances me. I wonder what you were thinking about when you wrote this..

    I could highlight the sections that spoke loudest to me but, my dear, I'm afraid I would be quoting your entire piece. Lines 7 and 8 are extraordinary, to say the least. I see "sacred form" as meaning the form in which you wrote this piece (Shakespearean Sonnet), and as a pair, the lines suggest the purpose of the sonnet was to catch the breath of the reader to bring life back to near-dead souls. Wow, what an image!

    I do wish you all the best in this contest. You deserve to place.

    Yours in wonder,
    Kain

1 - 20 of 20