She tosses between her days and nights the same way she sleeps.
Her days:
She reaches deep in her pocket wanting to feel something soft
For a brief moment her heart feels a twinge of warmth,
hoping she will have something warm and soft to rely on
Slowly opening her hand only to find a wad of used tissue
With a self-deprecating chuckle she mutters,
"How so friggin appropriate, how so...me!"
Other days she doesn't even bother,
knowing what's in there
"Nothing! How so...me!"
Her nights:
Moments after dusk she turns on the bathroom light,
goes to the mirror, then begins to make up her face
She doesn't really look in the mirror anymore
The last time she looked it was the first time
She saw her twin, watermarked from the rain
It was also the first time she played the game
She notices her movements have become "robotic".
Yeah, she likes that word, adding it to her word game.
"Metal, cold, hard, vacant, soulless" Suddenly,
interrupting her game, "makeup, more makeup doll face"
It takes more to erase the watermarks these days
Words like soft, warm, never find their way into the game
Putting down the brush she looks one last time
Ending the game with the first word it began with
Counterfeit.
Her sleep:
She makes her way to the bedroom
Looks down at the child fast asleep in her bed
Climbs on top of the covers and snuggles next to her twin
There are always covers between them, her and her twin
She pulls the covers up over her shoulders
"Can't touch her, don't want to taint her."
Words like innocent, doll face raw, exposed, pain
play in her mind as she drifts off to...
Sleep, if that's what you call it
Author notes
I don't know if this is what you're looking for, but thought it couldn't hurt to try.
A contest entry
- MAKE ME BELIEVE WHAT YOU WROTE by Angels Delight.
450 points, ended November 21, 2006, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me what wins gold around here by Aussie Gypsy.
550 points, ended August 28, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness and Hope. by XxNinjaNemoxX.
550 points, ended August 16, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Woah. This is one intensely awesome piece of writing. Stunning.
The imagery is stunning, the originality is stunning, the whole piece is stunning.
Thanks for entering and best of luck
xoxo. -
Such originality is hard to come by, I love the fact she doesn't want to taint 'her twin' this made me think a lot and I enjoyed the fact. Well done, best to you
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Brilliantly written
I love this piece of writing. Imagery outstanding. She has a real downer on herself in this piece. Depression filled the air as I read this. She has become what she did not want to become - and she is painfully aware of that fact. She goes through life like a robot. Barely aware of her surrounding anymore - such is her familiarity with them.
Her actions are automatic and have come easy after so many many years of doing the same thing, day in day out. This piece showed all of this and more. I just love the way that this character was portrayed here. All in all, a brilliant piece of writing.
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Thank you, *BLUSH* your comment is genuinely apprecitated....oh and I believe too!
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Excellent
I thought this was a very original poem with a sense of depth and a lot of poetry. I liked the way you drew three seperate pictures, each giving a different perception of her world. I especially liked the watermarks imagery and how the poem ended on a slightly enigmatic note leaving the reader to draw their own conclusions.The final section was particularly unexpected. An exceptional poem.
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Thank you, I'm really glad that you enjoyed this. It was a mood and style I've never tapped into before.
df
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It sounds like she lives in the same world of make believe I do. The melancholy mood you created really touched home with me today. Your images and word usage were superb. Congratulations on the gold.
Regards,
Leo Long
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Thank you for visiting...yes, this is a hard day for many. As are the upcoming holidays..may the remainder of them be warmer.
df
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this is really good, i have the full image, you write like pure heaven!
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Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. I will make a point of visiting you!
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Excellent
I am sitting here and wondering what I should comment because this piece was just simply excellent and you really did a fantastic job on this one and don't worry...this is the type of poems I was looking for something that captures my attention and makes me want to read it to the end...
Thank you so much for entering and I wish you the best of luck in my contest
Love ya
Tes
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Thank you very much!! What a surprise I'm truly honored!~df
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a good piece here, full of good language though i do notice a lot of fullstops being used at the end of lines where they are not really needed and hinder the flow of what you are saying. commas would help or even nothing at all as some palces the lines flow into each other. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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i hope I rated your comment correctly. It was supposed to be the highest. As I do appreciate honesty.
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Thank you for your comments. Extremely helpful. Would you be so kind to re-read. I went back and put my original format. Her sleep: I took out the first line, it seemed redundant after reading (took it out, put it in, took it out). My gut said go with my first draft, I guess a case of second guessing myself took over. First post gitters. Can't have thin skin if you want to grow, so if this looks like it could use a little or a lot of water, by all means pour. Thanks again! oh...yes.. I want to know if I'm coming across, what is the tone of voice you feel when reading?
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