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The Angel Beneath The Ice

This angel’s trapped beneath the ice
Beating to break free
Breath fogs the ice like glass
Will she ever learn to breathe?

Within this frozen, wasteland
Lie the bitter tears of shame

A girl who thought she knew herself
But only knew her pain

This angel’s trapped beneath the ice…
Her wings are charred with sin
Her eyes tell lies of faerie tales
Of everything she’s been

And as she beats against the ice
Her pale reflection dims
As darkness sweeps her to the depths
Of hell to rise again

Author notes

This was inspired by the song Helen by Cruxshadows.

A contest entry

What do you think?

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • kelbornro
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i love your imagery here and the way in which you describe the sorrowful fate of this angel...an angel charred with sin...an interesting concept...

    my favourite part has to be the stanza

    And as she beats against the ice
    Her pale reflection dims
    As darkness sweeps her to the depths
    Of hell to rise again

    i just thought that it ended it really really really well...thankyou for sharing and for commenting on my work...i most certainly will be adding you to my favourites

    keep writing your extremely talented

    kelborn


  • Eternal-Dreamer
    December 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem its amazing the imagery was such that i felt like i was waching he under the ice,
    my fravirut part has to be

    This angel’s trapped beneath the ice…
    Her wings are charred with sin
    Her eyes tell lies of faerie tales
    Of everything she’s been

    your going on my fravrets your realy good waiting to see more


  • RT michaels
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like the idea of a frozen hell rather than the common conception of fire and brimstone. Certain lines, such as "Will she ever learn to breathe?" really put forth the metaphor you use very well. Good strong message, solid rhyming and structure. I'd say you have a pretty good poem here. Thank you for the entry and good luck.


  • Metaphorist
    February 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. Such a great concept for a poem and it flowed very well.


  • J J Aco
    November 21, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    This poem has some simply amazing imagery (PRETTY WORD PICTURES FOR THE WIN!). Seriously, an angel trapped beneath the ice is an amazing and somehow ghastly thought. Especially this part:

    "Her eyes tell lies of faerie tales
    Of everything she’s been"

    When I read that, I imagined her looking up through the ice and her eyes displaying pictures of everything she wished she could have been.

    But to each their own =)

    You got some talent Dwindly ^_^ Don't let anyone tell you any different.

1 - 5 of 5